


In the Eye of a Hurricane

by allmylovesatonce



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2019-11-06 01:00:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 79,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17929772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allmylovesatonce/pseuds/allmylovesatonce
Summary: Six months after the end of the war, Jamie Fraser is still trying to readjust. He's in the for the shock of his life one rainy night when who should show up at his home, but the nurse who saved his life, Claire Randall. Since they last parted, they've both learned how much the war changed them and those around them. Together, they'll learn the dangers facing them after the war might be just as deadly.





	1. One Rainy Night

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story that has been brewing in my mind for a bit now. I decided it was finally time to write it! I hope you enjoy! :)

The rain pounded against the roof but it still was not loud enough to drown out Young Jamie’s cries. Jamie stood there watching his brother-in-law attempt to clean the young lad’s fresh wound. Making up his mind, he sat behind the boy and put him on his lap. Ian looked up and nodded to Jamie in thanks. Young Jamie continued to thrash around as if Ian was cutting his leg off. 

“Ye need to hold still,” Ian urged his son. “If I’m to finish this up, ye need to stop.” 

“It hurts!” the young boy cried. “Mam never makes it hurt!” 

Jamie held in his laughter best he could. He avoided eye contact with Ian. Ian sighed. “Yes, well she isna here, lad. Ye should have known better than to fall and hurt yerself when she was away.” Ian stood up, walking back towards the bathroom cupboard to see what he could find. 

Jamie still held his nephew on his lap, rubbing a hand up and down his arm. “Ye’ll be alright, lad,” he reassured. “I ken it hurts now, but soon ye’ll be up and running around as wildly as before.” He heard a sniffle from his lap and he looked down to see Young Jamie wiping his nose on his sleeve. 

So much had changed around Lallybroch while Jamie had been off fighting during the war. The biggest change of all was the little boy sitting on his lap. His sister had been single when he’d shipped off. He came back years later and she was married to his best friend and they had a small child. They’d told him at each step, of course. He’d tried to make it back for their wedding but at the last minute, they couldn’t give him the leave. In the middle of a war, the last thing he’d expected to find out was that his sister was having a bairn. Young Jamie had been an unexpected bright spot. Even before the lad was born, Jamie spent lots of time thinking about all the things he’d teach him. Sometimes it kept the realities of war at the back of his mind for an hour. 

Ian walked back to the two of them with a bandaid and some cotton. He tried once again to clean the large cut on Young Jamie’s leg, running his hands about quickly before the boy started kicking. “I ken this hurts, but believe me, I’ve had worse. Ye’ll survive,” Ian said in an almost scolding tone. 

Jamie clicked his tongue at his friend. “Perhaps it’s no’ the time to bring up yer lost leg,” Jamie said behind a chuckle. “It’s no’ as though ye want that for the lad.” 

Ian rolled his eyes. “He’s being far too dramatic for his own good.” He looked down at his son. “Uncle Jamie and I have both had much worse and we survived,” Ian reiterated. “Ye just need to sit still.” 

“Dinna bring me into this,” Jamie replied with a shake of his head. He loosened his grip on his nephew for a moment and the boy took his chance to spring free. Jumping to his feet, he took off down the hall toward his bedroom, screaming. 

“What the bloody hell is he doing?” Ian sighed, moving to chase after his son. 

Jamie was faster. He beat the boy down the hall, pulling up him with an arm around his middle. “Not so fast, ye wee beastie,” Jamie teased. Holding his nephew like an infant, he walked back down the hall to the bathroom. 

Ian fixed his son with a stern look. Jamie knew that Jenny was the enforcer in their family. He was rather impressed with Ian’s abilities to enforce at the moment. “Ye canna be runnin’ away while we’re trying to stop yer leg from bleeding,” Ian said in a firm voice as he stared down at his son. “Do ye want to be getting blood all o’er the house? Yer mam wouldna be too pleased if she came back to see that.” 

Invoking Jenny’s name seemed to do the trick for the time being. Young Jamie looked fittingly afraid. He sat down on the toilet and held his leg out for his father. Ian asked Jamie to hand him the alcohol but a knock at the front door shook both of them from the task at hand. Jamie looked down at Ian. “Are ye expecting someone?” 

“No’ that I’m aware of,” he replied, looking toward the stairs. 

Jamie sighed. “I can get it. Assuming ye can handle him on yer own,” he joked. Ian shook his head with a smirk. Jamie walked down the stairs to see who was calling at such a late hour. A crash of thunder echoed through the house as Jamie got closer to the door. He opened the door to see a soaking wet woman standing on the top step. “Can I help ye?” She turned to look at him and he was struck with recognition. But it couldn’t be. How could she be at his home?  _ Why _ would she be at his home?

“I’m so sorry to call at such a late hour,” she yelled over the storm. The wind was blowing her hair all around her face. She tried desperately to move it out of the way. “My car broke down several miles back and I just needed -” The woman had managed to move the hair out of her eyes. It seemed she recognized him too. 

“Randall?” He asked, gobsmacked by her presence. 

“Fraser?” she replied, seeming equally shocked. 

He nodded, stunned into silence. A roar of wind shook him from his daze, making him step back from the door. “Please, come in. It’s pouring out there. Ye’re soaked.” 

She didn’t have to be told twice. Once he was out of the way of the door, she ran in behind him. After he closed the door, she stood there on the mat, holding herself around the middle. They were both staring at each other. “What are you doing here?” she asked. 

“I live here. What are  _ you _ doing here?” he countered. 

“I was driving through the highlands earlier and my car broke down. I tried walking till I found the nearest establishment that could help me, but as it’s the highlands, it’s a bit remote,” she said with a shake of her head. As her head moved, water sprang from her soaked hair. She self-consciously ran a hand along her head. “Anyway, it started raining and this was the first building I saw.” She looked at him skeptically. “You really live here?” 

“Aye, this house has been in my family for generations,” Jamie informed her. He was about to say more before a loud noise came from upstairs. It seemed Young Jamie had broken free again, this time tearing down the stairs. 

“Who’s that?” the young boy asked, skidding to a stop at the bottom of the stairs. 

“This is Claire Randall,” Jamie told his nephew. “She’s a friend of mine.” He looked back at Claire and smiled. She returned it before looking over to his nephew. 

“You know Uncle Jamie?” Young Jamie asked, walking over to the newcomer. She nodded with a smile. “I didn’t know he had friends.” 

Jamie closed his eyes as Claire laughed. “Well I’m sure that’s not true.” 

Ian walked over, appraising Claire as he got closer. “Sorry, I seem to have missed the introductions. Ian Murray, and ye are?” 

Claire held her hand out. “Claire Randall. I’m so sorry to have intruded like this. My car broke down and with the storm, I just decided to knock on the first door I found.” 

“She’s a friend of mine,” Jamie repeated for Ian. “I kent Claire during the war.” 

Ian’s eyes widened, looking from Jamie to Claire. “The war, aye?” Claire nodded solemnly. “How did ye come to know Jamie during the war.” 

Claire opened her mouth to reply before closing it, looking to Jamie for him to answer. “She was a nurse,” Jamie replied. “We met in France.” 

Saying “France” was enough to clue Ian into how Jamie knew Claire. Despite Jamie’s reluctance, Ian knew all about Jamie’s hardest times during the war, his close encounters with death included. “Oh,” Ian said simply. “Well, what a mighty coincidence that ye’ve come to Lallybroch.” He paused, looking between them. “Unless it wasn’t a coincidence. Had ye planned to see each other?” 

Jamie and Claire both shook their heads. “No, it was really a happy coincidence,” Claire assured, looking over at Jamie. “I can’t quite believe it.” 

“Ye must be freezing,” Jamie said, trying to change the subject. “Ian, surely Jenny has some clothes that she could borrow.” 

“Oh aye, of course!” Ian turned and quickly ascended the steps. 

“That’s really not necessary,” Claire insisted to Ian’s disappearing form. She looked back at Jamie. “I appreciate it, but I don’t want to be an inconvenience.” 

“Not to worry. Ye’re far from an inconvenience,” Jamie said with a reassuring smile. 

“Ye’re a nurse?” Young Jamie piped up. 

Claire looked down at him, dropping to his level. “Yes, I am.” 

“Does that mean ye can fix my leg?” the boy pointed to the large cut, still seeping. “My da and Uncle Jamie can’t do it wi’out hurting me.” 

Claire’s eyes widened. “Goodness, that looks painful.” She looked up at Jamie. “Would you have a first aid kit of any kind?” 

“Oh aye,” Jamie said, shaking his head at his nephew. She’d been there for all of three minutes and the lad was already putting her to work. Jamie ran up to the bathroom and grabbed the kit they’d been using before she arrived. When he walked back downstairs, Claire was sitting on the floor with his two year old nephew as the boy told her how he got hurt. 

“And the dog was in the back of the truck with me. When he jumped out, I fell out and onto my leg and it got cut up,” he explained. 

Claire’s face reflected her sympathy. “That sounds quite painful. I’m so sorry. But I think, thankfully, it doesn’t seem very bad. It should be a quick fix.” She smiled at him as she gave his hand a squeeze. 

Jamie flashed back to a moment when she’d done similarly for him. It had been a year since he’d seen her. After he’d finally been cleared, he was able to leave the medics behind and return to battle. The problem was that after spending so much time with Claire (and such a bad injury), it was the last thing he wanted to do. 

She looked up as he approached, reaching a hand out for the kit. Claire got out all the things she’d need as she sat there still talking to Young Jamie. The boy was distracted with talk of his dog and the farm as Claire moved quickly to clean up and bandage the cut. “And voila!” she said with a flourish. 

The boy looked down at his leg in awe. “I didn’t even feel it!” 

She smiled brilliantly at him. “Well that’s where all my years of training come in,” she joked. 

Jamie felt Ian approach at his side. “Good God,” he muttered. “I’m glad someone could get him to stop screaming.” 

Jamie chuckled as he looked over at his brother-in-law. In Ian’s hands held a folded set of clothes for Claire. Handing them to her, he pointed her in the direction of the powder room downstairs. “And there’s a comfy pair of pajamas up on the guest bed,” Ian added. 

Claire turned back to look at him. “Oh, that’s not necessary.” 

“What are ye going to do, go back out in that storm?” Ian asked bluntly. 

Claire took a deep breath before shaking her head. “No, I suppose not.”

“Well then ye’ll need a place to sleep,” Ian finished. “Ye’re more than welcome here. Any friend of Jamie’s is a friend of ours.” He looked down at his son. “Now, I have to go get this wee one ready for bed. Say goodnight, Jamie.” 

Claire looked at Jamie before the younger one began talking. “Goodnight, Uncle Jamie,” he said as he gave Jamie a hug. “Goodnight, nurse Claire. Thank ye for fixing my leg.” 

She beamed at him. “It was my pleasure.” 

The two of them walked up the stairs and Jamie took the moment to watch Claire while she seemed distracted. He couldn’t believe that she was standing in his home. What weird form of fate had landed her back in his life? She turned around with a smile still on her face. 

“His name is Jamie?” he nodded in reply. She smiled even wider. “They named him for you?” 

“Aye. Though I’m too afraid to ask if it’s because they thought I wouldna come home,” he said with a bleak expression. 

“You know, now that you say that, I feel a vague recollection of you telling me about him,” she said as she watched Jamie. 

“I might have,” Jamie thought out loud. “Knowing they were bringing a bairn into the world brought me a lot of comfort those days.” 

A sad look crossed her face. “I can understand that. It’s nice to know that life carries on even in dark times like those.” 

“Exactly.” There was a long silence between them. Jamie cleared his throat. “Anyway, let me show ye to the powder room.” He walked her over to the doorway of the bathroom. “I’ll be in the kitchen just that way, making some tea.” She nodded appreciatively before closing the door. 

Jamie wandered into the kitchen, taking a moment to shake himself out of his reverie. How on earth was Claire Randall there? After he left her camp, he truly never expected to see her again. His thoughts had often drifted back to her, but he figured it was nearly impossible not to, given what they’d been through together. He put the kettle on and waited for it as his mind continued to wander. Two cups of tea were steeping when Claire found her way into the kitchen. 

She sat down at the table next to him and he pushed a cup her way. They sat there in a long moment of silence. “What brought ye to Scotland?” Jamie asked. 

Claire sighed before taking a sip of her tea. “A getaway of sorts,” she answered vaguely. He could more or less understand that. The war had ended only 6 months ago and it was hard for most of the world to adjust back to normal life. She looked over at him. “I’m glad to see you’re doing so well. I wondered how you’d handle going back. There were a lot of times I wished I could have known.”

Jamie sat there, absorbing her comments. He didn’t really know what to make of it. There had been plenty of times in the last year he’d wished he knew what she was doing. Suddenly he stood up from the table, walking to a further point in the kitchen. “Is there someone I can call for ye?” he asked, moving closer to the phone. “Surely someone must need to ken where ye are.” He swallowed harshly as he reached for the receiver. “Should I call yer husband?” 

“No,” she nearly yelled. She stood up quickly, reaching a hand out to stop him, even from across the kitchen. 

Jamie’s eyes widened as he stared at her, taken aback by her reaction. Claire clapped a hand to her mouth and slowly sat back down. Jamie walked over to the table, sitting down in his chair. “Is everything alright, lass?” 

Claire stared down at her teacup for a long time before answering. “No.” She took a deep breath before looking at Jamie again. “I’ve run away from my husband.” 

 


	2. To Tell the Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up for anyone: this chapter talks about abuse. It doesn't go into a lot of detail, but it is mentioned.

Claire sat there, silent, waiting to see what Jamie would say. When she’d run away, she’d never planned on running into anyone she knew. They’d gone to Scotland, for Christ’s sake, it wasn’t like she knew anyone there. And yet somehow, she’d wandered upon the one house in Scotland where she knew someone. And it wasn’t just someone. It was a person whose secrets she’d listened to and kept. A person who listened to the things she had to find a way to speak. A person who sat there and held her hand as they exchanged their fears. 

The plan was to lie about her situation. Throughout her entire journey that day, she crafted the proper story. Getting far away from Frank was the main idea, but making sure no one had any suspicions about her was the second idea. And yet, there she was, spouting the truth to Jamie like she’d never formed a plan to begin with. 

Finally, Jamie cleared his throat and looked up at her. “Are ye alright? Wh-what made ye run away? That is, if ye dinna mind me asking,” he asked, his voice faltering. 

Claire took a deep breath. Surely she couldn’t just say nothing. She had opened mouth and the cat was out of the bag. Her reaction to his offer to call Frank had given her away. She swallowed harshly as she prepared to speak. “Have you seen many people since the war ended?” His brow furrowed in confusion. “I mean, people that you knew before who were a part of the war? The only person I cared to see at the end of the war was my husband. Makes sense, right?” Jamie nodded. “But it didn’t take me very long to realize that he didn’t really come home from the war. At least not entirely.” 

“What happened?” Jamie seemed hesitant to ask. 

“I don’t really know. He didn’t see combat,” Claire started to explain. “He was in intelligence, based in London.” 

“Aye, I recall ye saying that.” 

Claire nodded, remembering all she’d shared with Jamie. “Yes. Well, I don’t know exactly what happened. He never really spoke about what he did or saw. But then, to be fair, neither did I.” She took a deep breath. “But for whatever reason, he was just...different. At first I just thought things felt off because we’d gone so long without seeing each other. Eventually though, I realized there was more to it.” 

Jamie opened his mouth to ask her something but closed it. He stared down at his tea, nodding at her remarks. “What did he do?” he asked her, barely above a whisper. 

“It was his temper. One moment everything would be normal and the next, he’d be flying off the handle over nothing,” Claire described. “I’d tell him that they were out of something at the store and he’d completely lose it. There was never any way to predict it either. Sometimes I’d say something that I was sure would make him happy and he’d find a tiny piece of it to get angry with. Then he’d go a week without any outbursts and I’d think perhaps we were past them. But no. We never really were.” She paused, staring down at her tea. 

“Did he hurt ye?” Jamie looked apologetic as he asked. Claire almost felt ashamed to admit it. She nodded, unable to meet his eyes. “Christ,” he said as he blew out a breath. “Claire, I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s fine,” she said quickly. 

“No, it’s not,” Jamie replied firmly. “It’s not fine. He canna treat ye that way.” 

“Well that was rather what I thought as well,” Claire agreed. “The first time he hit me, I told him I wouldn’t put up with it. But the second time, I was unconscious for a bit so I couldn’t really storm off.” Jamie’s eyes widened in horror. “When I came to, he apologized profusely and swore he’d never do it again. And for a while, he didn’t. I was lulled into a false sense of security. But then, he did.” 

“How long?” he asked. Claire looked at him in confusion. “How long has he been hurting ye?” 

Claire swallowed. “Four months, off and on.” 

Jamie huffed and stood up from the table. He rubbed a hand down his face. “I’m so sorry. I canna believe that this has happened to ye.” Jamie fixed her with a meaningful stare. “Christ, ye’re brave for leaving.” 

“I think if I’d been truly brave, I would have left when it first happened,” Claire denied. 

“I doubt it’s that easy,” Jamie offered. He walked back over to the table and put a hand on her arm as he sat down. “Especially when ye want to see the best in people.” 

Claire sighed. “And I think that’s what it was. I wanted him to be my husband from before the war who was gentle and would never have laid a hand on me. But something broke in him during the war. Something broke in me too, probably, but it wasn’t in the same way. It was almost like he had another personality. And apparently it started during the war.” 

“How do ye ken that?” 

“Not long after we were reunited, we were in London and ran into someone he knew from intelligence. I wasn’t introduced to the man. But I heard their conversation,” Claire told. “The man asked him if he was seeing Frank or Black Jack.” 

“Black Jack?” 

Claire nodded. “Yeah, and I thought perhaps Frank had developed a gambling problem or something during the war. But then Frank said to the man that he was feeling cool and collected. It was more than he’d ever said to me of how he was feeling. I asked him later what Black Jack meant and he informed me that I didn’t need to know.” 

“I’m almost afraid to ask, but what was the turning point?” Jamie pressed hesitantly. 

Claire took a sip of her tea before she looked up at Jamie. “He suggested coming to Scotland. He’s starting a new job at Oxford soon and he thought we should get away before he starts working again. Of course, he had reasons for suggesting Scotland. It was so he could do research with a friend of his, so he could indulge his love of history. Naturally, it had nothing to do with what I might want to do.” She waved a hand. “Anyway,” she continued. “It had been a while since he’d last hurt me. I had told him that the next time he hurt me I’d leave. He laughed at me in the moment. We had been in Inverness for two days when it happened. He slapped me and threw me against the table in our hotel room. I couldn’t sleep that night and so I started planning.” 

“So that was when ye left?” 

“More or less. I waited a day or so, hoping he would have forgotten. He had been drinking that night and usually he was less apologetic the mornings after if he’d been drinking. Usually because he’d forgotten about it,” Claire explained with a dark look on her face. 

“Anyway, so I told Frank I wanted to look at the standing stones at Craigh na Dunn. He didn’t even ask to go with me. I left the car parked at the bottom of the hill and started walking away from it. I walked for an hour until someone stopped and asked if I needed a ride. He was going away from Inverness, so I said yes. They dropped me off at a small tavern and from there I kept walking, this time walking South. I caught another ride that took me a ways in that direction. Then I started walking again. I just kept trying to stagger my pattern, make it nearly untraceable. The last thing I wanted was for him to find me. I’d heard of Broch Morda and was heading there when the rain hit. I was at the top of that hill when I saw the house. I had no notion of how far I was from the village and so I just decided to knock here,” she concluded, waving her hands with a note of finality. 

“Wow,” Jamie breathed. “That’s…” He broke off, not knowing how to finish. “Ye can deny it all ye like, Claire, but ye were very brave in leaving. Perhaps a bit reckless in wandering around all by yerself for several hours, not knowing the area, but otherwise, quite brave.” 

Claire couldn’t help but laugh at his observation. “I was at no more risk of being hurt than if I’d stayed with Frank,” she pointed out. 

“Fair point,” he admitted. “So what will ye do next?”

Claire met his gaze. “Honestly? I’m not sure. I hadn’t really gotten that far in the plan. I wasn’t completely sure I’d even be able to get away.” 

“Well I’ll tell ye what ye’ll do next,” Jamie helped, “Ye’ll stay here.” 

“What? No, I can’t do that,” she denied with a shake of her head. 

“Claire, ye dinna have a plan. I’m no’ saying stay forever, but perhaps just while ye figure things out,” Jamie insisted. 

“What about your family?” 

Jamie shrugged. “What about them? It’s a big house. We can afford another person hanging about with us. Wee Jamie seemed taken wi’ ye. And as wild as that child is, it might be a good idea to have a nurse around.” 

“I can’t ask you to shelter me.” 

“Then I suppose it’s a good thing that ye’re no’ asking. I’m volunteering.” Claire opened her mouth to deny his offer again but he continued. “Look, ye’re at least staying for the night. Why not just stay until ye have a plan? No one would look for ye here.” 

Claire sighed. He certainly had a point. But she didn’t want to intrude. She also didn’t really want to be reliant on others. He was staring at her expectantly. “Why would you offer me this?” 

He laughed. “Are ye serious?” Claire nodded. He looked at her, making sure she was staring back at him. “Ye saved my life. How do I not owe ye anything less than the same?” As Claire sat there silently, Jamie continued. “Look, at least just know ye have the offer.” 

“What about your family? What would they think?” 

“I canna say I care. This home is as much mine as it is theirs and if I want to protect a friend, I should be able to,” Jamie retorted. “But also, I ken Ian will be fine with it. And Jenny is out of the country at the moment anyway so she doesna have much say.” 

“Where is she?”

“Our aunt, Jocasta, moved to America just before the war started. She moved with her husband but he’s passed away now. Jenny got a call from her recently saying that a doctor told her she was losing her sight so Jenny went over to help get her settled and adjusted,” Jamie explained.

“And she left the care of her child to you two men?” Claire asked through a laugh, thinking of the boy begging her to fix his leg. 

Jamie laughed as well. “Maybe no’ her wisest choice. The two of them making a good parenting pair. I canna say the same about me and Ian.” 

Claire smiled around her teacup as she took another sip. “Look, Jamie, I really appreciate what you’re offering. But the last thing I want to be is a burden.” 

“Ye’re no’ a burden. Ye willna be.” He seemed convinced. “And ye’re welcome to stay.” 

She looked around the kitchen. There was only one light on, over the table where they sat. Most of the room, and the house beyond it was darkened. Claire was immediately thrown back to nights spent a year ago, the two of them huddled together, sharing stories to keep their minds off the war around them. Tears came unbidden to her eyes as she took in the full gravity of Jamie’s offer. She reached out and laid a hand on his arm. “Thank you,” she whispered. 

He laid his hand over hers with a small smile. “Dinna mention it.” 

* * *

Claire was standing at the stove when Ian walked into the kitchen the next morning. “Christ, something smells good,” he said before he’d noticed Claire. His eyebrows went up as he noticed their guest cooking. “Claire, did ye make breakfast?” 

“She did!” Young Jamie piped up from the kitchen table. 

Ian looked over at his son and smiled. “Well she didna need to,” Ian said, looking back at Claire. 

“I’m sorry for going through your kitchen. I thought it was the least I could do for you all since you allowed me to stay here,” Claire insisted. 

“Ye’re more than welcome,” Ian repeated from the night before. “And I’ll most certainly eat whatever it is that smells this delicious, but ye dinna have to earn yer keep.” He took a plate from Claire and sat down at the table with Young Jamie. Claire turned off the stove once she finished the rest of the food and sat down with the others. “Look, I hope ye dinna mind, but Jamie told me of yer situation.” 

Claire tensed momentarily before her brain kicked in. Of course Jamie should tell Ian the truth. It wouldn’t make sense for her to stay otherwise. But for a split second, Claire was terrified. There hadn’t been a part of her plan that included telling people the truth. And yet there she was. 

“I just wanted to let ye know that ye’re truly more than welcome here,” Ian said, looking to meet her widened eyes. “Jamie told me that he said ye could stay for as long as ye like and I thought ye should know that I agreed with him.”

“You did?” Claire asked in a small voice. 

“Aye,” Ian confirmed. 

“Why?”

Ian’s response was interrupted by Jamie walking in the room and groaning about how good breakfast smelled. He looked a bit sheepish when he spotted Claire sitting at the table. “Good morning,” he greeted. Jamie walked over to the stove and helped himself to the plate Claire had prepared. “Ian, ye’ve outdone yerself this morning.” 

Ian laughed. “It wasna me.” 

Jamie looked over at Claire. She nodded in response to his unasked question. “Ye didna need to make us breakfast.” 

“I told her the same thing, but she didna agree with me. However, it is quite good, so I’m no’ complaining much,” Ian replied. 

“Well thank you,” Claire said to Ian. “I’m glad it turned out well. I don’t really have much experience as a cook.”

“Aye, neither do Jamie and I,” Ian commiserated. “Turns out it’s hard to get experience like that when ye’re shipped out at 18.” 

Claire nodded, remembering the days she first made the choice to volunteer as a nurse in the war. “You’re quite right.” She looked around the table at the three boys who’d taken her in and assured her she was welcome. Of all the doors to knock on, it seemed she’d picked the best. They may have told her that she didn’t need to do anything for them, but they didn’t understand that she felt like she had to do everything for them, simply in exchange for their protection. 

 

It wasn’t much later in the morning when Ian was walking out to his car. Claire knew that the two Jamies were together in the family library. She took her moment to go ask Ian something that had been bothering her. Following him out, she called to him before he could get into the car. He turned around and looked at her, surprised by her appearance outside. 

“Claire, is something the matter?” 

She shook her head. “No, not at all. I just wanted to ask you something.” He nodded for her to continue. “Why did you agree for me to stay?” Confusion crossed his face for a split second. “I mean, I know why Jamie did. But why you? I just want to understand. I keep feeling like I’m intruding in your lives and perhaps if I knew why you allowed a complete stranger into your home, I’d feel better.” 

Ian smiled and nodded in understanding. “Six months ago, Jamie came home from war. We’d kept in touch with him over letters and such, but it wasn’t the same. I’d been a soldier for just short of a year when I lost my leg. I hadn’t spent as much time as a soldier as Jamie, but I knew how terrifying war can be. He told us bits and pieces over letters. And then for a while, they stopped. We were all but convinced that he was dead. But then we got another letter. He told us how he’d been captured and tortured and then, thank Christ, rescued. He told us of the nurse who saved his life after his return from behind enemy lines. I never knew yer name, but I ken who ye are to him.” 

Claire closed her eyes and nodded. “I see.” 

“Ye saved his life. Jenny and I used to wish that we could meet this person he wrote of so we could thank them for all they did for our family.” Ian walked back around the car and stood in front of her. “So thank ye, Claire. And I hope that ye ken that we’d do anything for ye because ye did so much for us.” 

Claire felt tears building in her eyes. She willed them not to fall. “Well thank you for telling me that. I understand better now.” 

He nodded, walking back to get in his car. “Ye want to ken the other reason I agreed so easily?” Ian asked, looking back at her. She nodded. “Because it’s the right thing to do. Ye’re a good person, Claire. And I couldna throw ye out to the wolves.” 

She smiled. “Thank you, Ian. I appreciate that.” 

“Jamie said ye agreed to stay until ye’d made a proper plan.” She nodded, remembering her promise. “Well ye’re welcome here for as long as ye’d like. I assure ye.” Claire felt a lump in her throat. She whispered her thanks before Ian climbed in the car. 

Claire watched Ian drive away and she couldn’t help but think of what he told her. Memories flashed through her mind. She stood overlooking the calm Scottish countryside, but chaos reigned in her mind. 

_ “Randall! Over here!”  _

_ She’d just re-entered the medical tent to find multiple doctors and other nurses scrambling around frantically. Running in the direction of her name being called, she wondered what had just happened. “Here,” she announced. _

_ Just as she stood at the table with Dr. Campbell, they cut the shirt off the soldier laying face down on in front of them. She’d been a nurse for a few years at that point and was very used to blood and gruesome injuries, but nothing could have prepared her for the sight of the soldier’s back. It was only instinct when she gasped. Even Dr. Campbell looked revolted.  _

_ “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ. What the bloody hell happened?” Claire asked.  _

_ There was a soldier standing on the other side of the table. He was the first to speak. “We found an enemy camp. It was small, but they were holding six prisoners. I got a little information out of one of them. They got captured a month ago. Since then, it seems they were being tortured.”  _

_ “This looks like more than torture,” Claire muttered, staring down at the man’s back.  _

_ “From what we can guess, they were testing out new styles of torture on these six men they captured,” the soldier informed them. Dr. Campbell was touching the man’s back gingerly, assessing the full extent of the damage. Claire felt frozen, staring in disbelief. “Seems this one got the cat o’ nine tails.”  _

_ “You’re telling me that people still use that?” Claire cried. “How is that legal?” _

_ “It’s war, Sweetheart. How is any of this legal?” the soldier said almost sneeringly before walking away.  _

_ Claire swallowed the part of her that wanted to punch the man for calling her “Sweetheart.” Instead she turned her attention to the man in front of her who desperately needed medical attention. She usually tested herself and tried to predict what the doctors were going to decide for a course of treatment. But as she stared at this man, her mind was blank. She had no idea what they could do. “What do we need to do first?” Claire asked a surprisingly silent Dr. Campbell.  _

_ “There’s nothing we can do but try to relieve his pain, clean this up, and make sure it doesn’t get infected,” he said in a resigned tone.  _

_ “What the bloody hell do you mean? Do you see this?” Claire yelled, pointing at his back for evidence.  _

_ “Yes, I see it, Nurse Randall, but there’s not much we can do. It will have to heal on its own,” Campbell answered. He pointed to certain spots on his back where the cuts were the deepest. “Look, the tissue is too friable. There’s no way we could stitch it back together. Like I said, the best we can do is relieve his pain and stave off infection. So, let’s start cleaning this up, shall we?” Claire closed her eyes in horror. Surely there had to be something else they could do. With a defeated sigh, she nodded her head and reached for the instruments and materials they’d need to clean up this man’s injuries.  _

_ For whatever reason, she couldn’t stray from him. Dr. Campbell moved on to help the other tortured soldiers. Claire checked to make sure there were other nurses available before she grabbed a stool and sat down at the head of his table. Slowly, the tent started to calm down again. But even when her back began to ache, Claire couldn’t move from her post. She couldn’t explain it, but she felt it in her bones; it was her duty to protect him. It seemed no one else cared enough.  _

_ It was several hours later, just past midnight when he finally stirred. The effects of intense pain and then the effects of pain relievers had kept him unconscious for a while. She didn’t actually know how long the man had been out. But he was finally moving. His eyes blinked open before he slowly picked his head up. “Where am I?” he asked in a scratchy voice.  _

_ Claire’s face was right near his. She was taken aback by his beautiful blue eyes. “It’s alright,” she reassured him. “You’re safe.” His body was tense and she wondered if he needed more pain medication. There wasn’t an endless supply, though. Surely Dr. Campbell would allow him more, given the severity of his injuries. He was looking around, confused by his surroundings. “They got you out,” she informed him. His eyes met hers for the first time. “You’re safe. No one is going to hurt you again. I promise.” He held her gaze for a long moment before he offered a jerky nod. “What’s your name?” she asked. She knew his name. They’d checked his tags.  _

_ “James Fraser,” he croaked.  _

_ Claire beamed at him. She reached out and grabbed his hand where it lay on the table. “It’s lovely to meet you. I’m Claire Randall.”  _

_ He coughed out what she thought was a laugh. “A Sassenach?”  _

 

“Sassenach!” Jamie’s calls shook her back to the present. The war was over. Of course, her own personal war was far from the end. She turned and looked at Jamie where he stood in the doorway to the house. “Making a break for it?” he joked. 

Claire smiled. “No, of course not. I promised I’d make a plan first, right?” 

“Aye, ye did,” he replied. 

Young Jamie was just behind him. “Miss Claire, how would you like to come read a book with me?” 

Claire smiled, looking down at the young boy. “You know what? I’d love to.” 

“Ye dinna have to agree to it,” Jamie told her. 

She shrugged. “I know. But I can’t tell you the last time I just sat down and read. Especially a children’s book.” Claire followed Young Jamie back inside the house and off toward the little library. She sat on the floor with him as he presented her with a pile of books he wanted her to read. Picking one off the top, she opened up the cover and began to read to him. Young Jamie plopped down on the floor next to her. She was halfway through the book when she felt Jamie’s eyes on her. He was standing in the doorway to the library, arms crossed, simply observing them. “What?” she asked. 

He shrugged. “Och, nothing. Just listening to the book. Ye’re a good storyteller.” 

She laughed. “Well you’re one to talk.” 

Clare could tell by the look in his eyes the moment he was back in that medical tent. They’d shared a lot as she fought for his time to heal. 

It seemed that Jamie was now returning the favor. 


	3. Protection

“Jenny! It’s so wonderful to hear yer voice,” Ian said into the phone, excited to talk to his wife. “How are things?”

“Things are fine. How’s Jamie?” she asked, clearly just wanting to check on her family.

“Which one?” Ian replied. He grinned to himself. Surely, she meant Young Jamie.

Jenny sighed. “Our son. How is our son?”

Ian laughed. “He’s doing quite well. He misses ye, but I think he’s very entertained by his uncle.”

“Well good,” Jenny remarked. “I should hope Jamie could pull his weight around there a bit. Anything notable happen since we last spoke?”

Ian thought back to the last time they’d spoken. It had been a week before. “Well not much. We’ve had a lot of rain, but then again it’s Scotland so I dinna ken that it’s really notable. I had to have a man come fix the truck because it wouldna start. One night an old friend of Jamie’s from the war showed up at our house and now she’s staying with us. Oh, and Wee Jamie has taken up gardening.”

“I’m sorry,” Jenny cut in. “Say that again.”

“I said Wee Jamie’s taken up gardening,” Ian repeated.

“You know I meant the part just before that. Some random woman is staying at our house?”

Ian sighed. “Look, Jenny, she’s a lovely lass. She is in a spot of trouble and happened upon our home, didna even ken she would know someone who lived there. Jamie promised her a place to stay. He ran it by me and I agreed. And if it makes ye feel any better, Wee Jamie seems to be quite fond of her.”

“How long has she been there?” Jenny asked, in a demanding voice.

“Four days.”

“How long is she going to be staying?”

“Not sure. Until she figures out her next step. But we’re no’ rushing her out,” Ian informed his wife. He took a pause, debating how much to share with Jenny over the phone. Often times, he preferred to break news to her face to face. “There’s something ye should ken about Claire though.”

“Her name’s Claire?”

“Aye. And it might interest ye to ken how she and Jamie became acquainted,” Ian said. He took a breath before he spoke again. “She’s the nurse who saved his life.”

“What?” Jenny asked, barely audible.

“Aye,” Ian confirmed. “That was my reaction as well. Jamie seemed rather gobsmacked to see the lass again. But he told me who she was and without even needing to hear the rest of her story, I agreed. She gave us back Jamie.”

He could hear Jenny sighing on the other end of the line. “Well it seems ye made a good call. I trust ye and Jamie. However, the phone does work the other way, Ian Murray! Ye could call me and fill me in on the goings on of the house if it’s something as big as this.”

“Next time I will,” he promised, grinning to himself.

“Next time,” she repeated with a scoff. “Ye’re a loon.”

“So how are things with Jocasta? Will ye be coming home any time soon? We all miss ye dearly,” Ian reminded her.

* * *

It had been less than a week, but Claire couldn’t deny that she enjoyed staying at Lallybroch. Ian and Jamie were doing their best to be gracious hosts. And Young Jamie seemed excited to have a new person to tell all his stories to. She couldn’t fight the feeling that she fit in well there. Even when they tried to discourage her, she continued to cook for them. It was truly, the least she could do. It was proving to benefit her as well since she was learning and perfecting new recipes.

The idyllic setting of Lallybroch was a gift after all she’d been through in the past six months. She cherished the chilled mornings as she helped Jamie tend to the horses. When the sun would climb higher in the sky, she enjoyed tending to the garden. Young Jamie started joining her the third time she’d done so. She would teach him about the plants and the herbs growing there. He seemed to marvel at the work they were doing.

Claire often had to remind herself, this was merely a stop on her journey. She couldn’t stay there forever. But Lallybroch, and its inhabitants, had a way of luring her into the peacefulness that it promised. For a woman who had never had a real home, she could see how the place could be a true home. Even if it wasn’t tomorrow, she dreaded the day she’d have to leave it all behind. And there was no doubt in her mind; someday, she truly would have to leave.

* * *

It had been a quiet week of Claire staying with them. Ian noted that things seemed to run the same way they always did. Perhaps even a bit better with Claire around to help. He walked out of the office when he noted how quiet the house was. Claire was likely out giving another gardening lesson to Young Jamie. There was no telling what task Jamie had found for himself. Ian smiled to himself as he started to climb the stairs. The day just seemed normal.

Until there was a knock at the door.

Ian walked back down and answered the door. Two men in uniforms stood upon the front step. Ian’s body tensed as he felt his blood run cold. Surely they couldn’t know they were hiding Claire. She was an innocent woman anyway, not a criminal. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and smiled at the two policemen. “Hello,” he greeted. “Is there something I can do for ye?”

Both men flashed small smiles back at him. “Aye, we’re looking for a woman who went missing in Inverness.”

“Inverness? This is quite a way from Inverness. Is this normal to come this far for a missing person?” Ian wondered. He desperately needed to know the answer.

“Well, no, sir, not really,” one of the men replied. “The woman is an English woman who was on holiday in Inverness. Her name is Claire.” He reached in his pocket. “Here’s her picture.” Ian took ahold of the picture and stared down at a younger Claire, one who hadn’t been aged by war or abuse. He shrugged and handed the picture back. “Have you seen anyone like this around the area?”

Ian cleared his throat. “I can’t say I have.” It wasn’t _technically_ a lie. He really couldn’t tell them. Then they’d tell Claire’s husband where she was.

“I figured not,” the same man said. “This is too far away. Our search perimeters arena usually this wide. The woman’s husband is becoming a bit of a thorn in the side of our captain.” Ian nodded, absorbing the information. “Well, as it is, we need to search the area. Will ye allow us to search yer land? Ye seem to have quite a stretch of it. Could have more than a few good hiding places.”

Ian didn’t want to cooperate but he knew that if he didn’t, it could seem suspicious. He plastered on a smile and gestured back toward the entry to the courtyard. “But of course. Please let me know if ye happen to find something. I’ll need to ken if I have to keep a better eye out on my land,” Ian joked. The two men laughed and nodded, walking off to search the fields.

Ian closed the door and panicked. He had no idea where anyone else was. Just as he was about to yell Claire’s name, he stopped. They knew her name. If they could hear him yelling her name, they’d know he was hiding her. Ian rushed to the other side of the house, pressing his artificial leg to move him as quickly as he could. “Jamie!” he yelled at the top of his lungs, panic pushing him further into the house. “Jamie!” he called again. At that point, it didn’t matter which Jamie came. Likely one of them would know where Claire was.

He yelled Jamie’s name a third time before the man appeared. “What’s going on? Why are ye yelling?” Jamie demanded.

“Where’s Claire?” Ian asked without explanation.

“She was out in the garden with Wee Jamie,” Jamie informed him, pointing in that area.

“Go get her. _Now_!” Jamie didn’t wait before he tore out the back door. He quickly reappeared, Claire right behind him and Wee Jamie trailing a few paces behind her. “Get her upstairs. Away from the windows,” Ian commanded as he kept an eye out on the fields. Jamie nodded, urging Claire up the stairs.

Jamie steered Claire into his room and closed the door. “What is going on?” she asked, concern covering her face.

“I’m no’ sure, but it must be something. Ian wouldn’t act like this for no reason,” Jamie reasoned. A small knock at the door alerted them before Ian stepped in. “What’s going on?” Jamie asked.

“Police showed up here looking for Claire. I told them I hadna seen her. Since we arena suspects of anything and she’s no’ a criminal, they didna ask to search the house. However, they did want to search the land,” Ian informed them. “I’m sorry for the panic, but I had to make sure Claire wouldna be seen outside.”

“No, you were right to do so,” Jamie assured him with a pat on the shoulder.

Across the room, Claire leaned against Jamie’s desk. She crossed her arms and shook her head. “No.” Both men looked at her. “This is wrong. I can’t ask you to do this.”

“Tis already done, Claire,” Ian reminded her.

“It was one thing to offer me a place to stay,” Claire began, “but to lie to the police and hide me, all the while knowing you could get in trouble. No, I won’t let you do this.” She moved to go to the door and both men blocked her path. She glared at both of them. “Please just let me go. It’ll make both of your lives so much easier.”

“Ye really think our lives would be easier if we just let ye go?” Jamie asked. “Ye think I’d sleep well at night knowing that I let ye turn yerself in and they took ye back to the man who’d hurt ye? Come on, Claire. Ye were right to run away from the man and we’re right to protect ye from anyone who might want to take ye back to him.”

Ian nodded in agreement next to him. “Jamie, make sure she stays here. I’ll give you the all clear when they leave.”

Jamie agreed, immediately resuming his post against the door after Ian left. Claire sat down in Jamie’s desk chair and sighed. “This seems a bit dramatic,” she remarked.

“Doesna matter if it is or no’. Tis the right thing to do. Claire, do ye really want yer escape to be for naught?” Jamie pressed, trying to make her see his point.

She rolled her eyes, her arms tightening around herself. “No, of course not. But I feel guilty for this. This isn’t something anyone should have to do.”

“Fleeing yer husband because he was hurting ye isna something anyone should have to do either, Sassenach,” Jamie reminded her. “But that’s yer reality. And protecting ye from him, that’s our reality. We’ve accepted it. Yer no’ a criminal. They shouldna be able to do anything to us if somehow they actually found ye. We’d have no consequences. But there would be dire consequences if they found ye.”

Claire was quiet for a long time. “I just don’t see why you feel the need to do this for me.”

Jamie shrugged. “Why did ye feel the need to lie for me?”

“That was different,” Claire insisted.

“How? How was what you did any different than what I’m doing now?” Jamie quietly demanded.

“No one really knew what I was doing. There were no consequences for my lie!”

“Claire, the police arena going to hurt me or Ian,” Jamie maintained.

“No, but Frank might,” Claire blurted. She shut her mouth in a tight line, fear clear on her face. Jamie left the door and knelt down in front of her. She shook her head as she tried to say what she needed to. “If somehow Frank found out that I was here...I guarantee he’d hurt you and Ian.”

“I’d like to see him try,” Jamie replied, full of false bravado. “I can take a hit, Sassenach.”

Claire closed her eyes and shook her head again. “I’m scared that it would be more than just a hit.”

Jamie met her gaze. “Claire, I’m no’ scared of him. I’m scared of ye going back to him. But ye did yer protecting of me before. I’m the one protecting ye this time. Just let me do so.” Tears began to fall down Claire’s face. Jamie brought her into a tight hug. Her body tensed at first, but slowly her arms came up to hug him back. “I promise ye, I willna let him hurt ye again,” Jamie whispered.

“Thank you,” she sighed, pulling back from him. “I still think it’s foolish, but...thank you.”

A heavy silence hung in the room as they waited for Ian’s all clear. Jamie had resumed his post by the door, if only to allow Claire some space. He heard the footsteps approaching and released a breath at the small knock on the door. Opening the door a crack, Jamie peeked through to make sure it was Ian. At Ian’s nod, Jamie finally felt relief and signalled for Claire that everything was okay again.

The three of them went back downstairs to resume what was left of their day. All three of them, though, were visibly shaken by the events. At dinner, Ian told them the rest of what the police had divulged to him. Ian had used all his charm to get as much from the officers as he could. Claire and Jamie were not pleased to know that Frank was pushing the boundaries of a normal investigation. Ian sounded reassured as he noted that they drove off back towards Inverness and not the village.

But all the same, Claire was on edge. Frank was trying to find her and she desperately did not want to be found. Looking at the two men she’d sought refuge with helped ease her mind. They’d proven, multiple times really, that they would protect her no matter what.

* * *

_Claire was getting ready to end her shift for the night when she was making one last round through the tent. Most of the men who were able had moved off to the mess tent for dinner. She noticed one bed in particular whose patient would have likely have been brought his meal. Looking back at her watch, Claire decided she could wait a bit to leave._

_“How’s it going, soldier?” she greeted as she walked over to him. His wounds were still quite fresh. They were healing but he was still required to lay on his stomach. She’d been tending to other patients off and on throughout the day, but kept checking back with him. He was staring down at the tray that sat on a stool at the head of his bed. “Going to eat that?”_

_“I was trying to decide what it was first,” he joked, looking over at her. He moved like he was going to sit up._

_“No!” She startled both of them with her yelling. “Sorry, but don’t sit up. The movement will hurt your wounds. You’ll want to still lay down for a while.”_

_He stared at her pleadingly. “How do ye expect me to eat that like this?” he asked, motioning to his position._

_She looked down at the slop in the bowl he’d been given. Making up her mind, she picked up the tray and sat down on the stool. She put the tray on the ground and held his bowl in her hands. “Well maybe I can help,” she offered._

_“I’m sorry, but are ye about to feed me?” he asked, his eyebrows raised. He looked positively scandalized. “I’m an adult.”_

_Claire shrugged. “You’re an adult who isn’t really in the position to feed yourself at the moment. I thought I’d help. Unless you’d rather I leave,” she said, starting to stand up. His hand reached out to stop her. A smug grin crossed her face as she sat back down. “That’s what I thought.” She scooped up a spoonful of his dinner and looked to him. “Here comes the airplane,” she crooned._

_“Ye’ve got to be kidding me,” he groaned, throwing her a disgusted look. “Tha’s just no’ even funny.”_

_Claire was beside herself laughing. “I’m sorry, I know that was rude, I just couldn’t resist.”_

_“Ye’re a mean one, Sassenach,” Jamie said with a shake of his head. She held up the spoon and he reluctantly opened his mouth. “Thank ye,” he muttered._

_“So where are you from in Scotland?” Claire asked. She figured conversation could distract him from his humiliation._

_“How did ye ken I was Scottish?” Jamie asked. Claire stared at him with a flat expression. He smirked. “I grew up in the Highlands.”_

_“I’ve always heard the Highlands are especially beautiful.”_

_“Aye, they are. And so peaceful,” Jamie replied, a far off look in his eyes._

_“A bit of peacefulness would be nice right now,” Claire commented, looking around the tent. She cleared her throat. “So what would you be doing now if you weren’t here? You know, in the middle of a war.”_

_“Ye know, I’m no’ quite sure,” he said as he looked up at her. “I left home a week after my graduation to start training.” After another bite, he turned the questions to her. “So where is home for ye?”_

_Claire breathed out a laugh. “Honestly, I don’t even really know how to answer that question. I never had a home in the traditional sense of the word. My parents died when I was five and I was raised by my uncle. He was an archaeologist so we traveled all over the world together. It was quite an unconventional childhood. I learned a lot, but I never really had a home.” She sat there thoughtfully for a moment. “I guess that made it easier to give up everything and volunteer to be a nurse.”_

_“Ye volunteered?”_

_She nodded, giving him another bite. “Yes. I can’t say what it was. I just felt that if the whole world was descending into chaos, I had to do my part to help fix it. Even my husband thought I was crazy.” Jamie coughed loudly, sounding like he was choking. “Are you alright?” she asked._

_He nodded, pointing at his throat. “Aye, just hard to swallow,” he replied. She stared at him for a moment. He bore an odd expression._

_Shaking her head, she continued. “If you hadn’t had to enlist, would you have been here?”_

_He looked up at her with a thoughtful expression on his face. “Aye, probably.”_

_“Why’s that?”_

_“It’s the same thing ye said. The feeling of needing to do my part and all.”_

_Claire nodded, offering him another bite. “I suppose that makes us gluttons for punishment, doesn’t it?”_

_Jamie laughed. “That’s certainly one way of looking at it.”_

_They changed the conversation as Jamie started telling Claire about his family. She sat there listening long past when she should have left. He was a natural storyteller. The man had a way to make her feel as if she was there in the story. She shared quite a few of her own stories as well. It was nearing midnight when Claire looked down at her watch. She should have left hours ago._

_“I’m so sorry,” she said, standing up. “I should have let you get to sleep already.”_

_“Nah, dinna worry. I canna usually sleep anyway,” he told her with a wave of his hand._

_“Is it nightmares?” He nodded, a sad look crossing his face. “Well would it help if someone was here as you fell asleep?”_

_“I canna ask ye that, Nurse Randall,” Jamie said. She thought he might be using her title to remind her of her position._

_Claire sat back down in a decisive manner. “Well then it’s a good thing I’m volunteering.” He opened his mouth to argue. “Just try to sleep. Ignore the random person by your bed. Just sleep.” She knew the blankets they were offered were far from comfortable, but she couldn’t help her instinct to cover him at least a bit._

_After an evening of conversation, Claire felt like she knew the man so well. It was easy to volunteer for something that could help him, even if it just meant being a reassuring body as he tried to sleep. Surely, she’d be exhausted in the morning but Claire was certain that she wouldn’t care._


	4. Scars in All Shapes and Sizes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning: There's descriptions of abuse and violence in this chapter.

Claire couldn’t sleep and sat up reading. She’d taken a stack of books from the Lallybroch family library for the nights she couldn’t sleep. It was fairly often, actually. Her eyes were starting to grow heavy as she sat in the chair in her room. The best strategy she had was reading until she could barely hold her eyes open any longer. If she crashed when she fell asleep, it tended to keep dreams about Frank at bay. 

Just as she turned the page to start a new chapter, a deep scream ripped through the silence of the house. Claire threw her book to the floor and tore from her room. Once in the hall, she met Ian with a grim look on his face. “Was that Jamie?” she asked. 

“Well it certainly wasna Wee Jamie,” Ian joked. Claire furrowed her brow, not appreciating Ian’s joke. Another shriek came from the door they stood in front of. “Look, he just has nightmares.” 

Claire nodded, remembering how he had before. She occasionally had them herself. Shaking her head, she turned and walked in Jamie’s room. 

“What are ye doing, Claire? Ye’re no’ supposed to wake someone wi’ night terrors!” Ian whispered as he followed her into the room. 

“So what, you want him to just suffer?” she asked. They both looked to his bed where Jamie was thrashing and screaming. Claire could almost guarantee where he was in his dream. She couldn’t stop herself. With a gentle hand, she shook Jamie, trying to wake him as smoothly as possible. 

He jolted awake, panting like he’d just run a race. A look of terror was clear on his face as his eyes bounced around, trying to figure out where he was. 

“You’re okay, Jamie,” Claire assured him. “The war is over. You’re home at Lallybroch. No one is going to hurt you here. You’re safe.” Her hands tightened on his arms, trying to ground him in reality. 

His breath was still ragged as his eyes focused on her. “Claire?” 

She nodded to him. “Yes, it’s me. You’re safe.” Ignoring the voice in her head, Claire reached up and smoothed the hair out of his face. His hand grabbed on to hers, holding it tightly. “It was just a nightmare. I promise you.” 

Jamie closed his eyes and nodded as his breathing began to slow. He looked at her and Ian. “I’m sorry to have woken up the whole house.” 

“Nonsense,” Claire quickly replied. “I wasn’t asleep, actually. I was reading.” 

“Aye, I wasna sleeping either,” Ian reassured. “And it doesna seem as though the wee one was bothered at all. No’ to worry,  _ Bràthair _ .” 

Jamie pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “Still, I’m sorry.” 

Claire ducked to make eye contact with Jamie, making sure he held her gaze. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I get them too. I think it’s rather hard to go through the war and not have them at least once.” She turned and looked back at Ian, lifting her eyebrows in encouragement. 

“Aye, I get them as well sometimes,” Ian chimed in. “It’s been less frequent as time went on. I’m sure it will be the same for ye.” 

“Thank ye. The both of ye,” Jamie responded, his eyes closed again. 

“Dinna mention it. Twas nothing. Ye should try to sleep more,” Ian instructed. “We can go.” 

Jamie reached out and grabbed Claire’s hand as she stood up from her perch on the edge of his bed. “No, please dinna go,” he cried, his voice raspy. 

“Okay, I’ll stay,” she immediately answered. Claire sat back down, running a hand along Jamie’s arm. She tried to calm him back down. Her hand was still tightly grasped in his. “Shhhh,” she soothed. “You’re fine. Just try to go back to sleep.” She hummed a quiet melody to herself, hoping it put him at ease. 

Jamie curled back in on himself, still holding her hand. His brow was furrowed as his eyes closed. Claire could tell the dream must have really rattled him. She moved her unoccupied hand up to stroke his hair. There wasn’t much she remembered about her mother, but that comforting motion was one thing that always stuck out to her. 

It took a bit, but slowly Jamie’s breathing evened out, his grip on her hand lessened, and he seemed to be truly asleep. As Claire stood up to creep out of his room, she was overcome by the urge to plant a kiss on his forehead. Shaking her head, she tiptoed out of the room and turned to go back to hers. Her footsteps halted as she saw Ian waiting by her door. 

“Is he asleep?” 

Claire nodded. 

“Ye’ve done that before, haven’t ye?” Ian questioned. 

“Comforted someone after nightmares? Yes. During the war I found myself doing that a lot. Soldiers see enough horror during the day and it inevitably seeps into their dreams as well,” Claire replied. 

“Aye, I’m sure so. But I meant, ye’ve calmed Jamie down from his nightmares before. Haven’t ye?” Ian asked again. 

Claire took a deep breath. “Yes.” 

“And ye ken all that happened to him?” 

Claire stared at him. “Well, yes. I was there when he was brought into our camp. I do know all that happened to him.” 

“I dinna ken it,” Ian remarked, looking down at the floor. “He told us that he was captured and tortured but no’ much more than that.”  

Claire stood up straighter, crossing her arms. “I’m sorry, Ian, but that’s not my story to tell. If Jamie wants you to know what happened, he’s going to have to be the one to tell you.” 

Ian shook his head. “Oh Christ, I wasna asking! I promise. I can see how ye would have thought that. No, I wasna. It’s just hard to not know. I mean, wi’ me, it’s fairly obvious what happened to me,” he said, gesturing down to his leg. “But wi’ Jamie, I dinna ken what happened to him, except that I assume it was something done to his back.” 

“Why do you assume that?” 

“Well, I grew up no’ far from here. Jamie and I have been friends since we were lads. We used to play around the lands and oftentimes we’d help Jamie’s da around the farm. And on a warm summer day, we’d take off our shirts if we werena comfortable. As ye do. But there have been days like that since he’s been back and the shirt has stayed on. Matter of fact, I havena seen him wi’out one since he returned and we live in the same house,” Ian informed her. 

“Look, all I will say is that Jamie got captured with five other men,” Claire recalled, “and given that I saw all the other men’s injuries, I can accurately say that Jamie got the worst of it. I don’t know why they chose him. It wouldn’t surprise me if he tried to be brave or cocky or something, but he got it the worst of the six men. And that’s bound to come with scars and nightmares.” 

Ian nodded. “Pardon me for asking, but it’s been on my mind since ye got here. And seeing what just happened, it only increases my need to ask ye.” Claire nodded for him to continue. “Did something happen with ye and Jamie?” 

Claire shrugged. “It was the war. Is it hard to imagine that something could have happened to me or to Jamie?” 

“No, tha’s no’ exactly wha’ I meant,” Ian admitted. 

It took a moment before his true meaning occurred to Claire. With a small gasp, she gaped at him. “Are you trying to ask me if anything happened  _ between _ me and Jamie?” Ian opened his mouth to answer but Claire kept speaking. “Good Lord, Ian, I was married!” 

“Ye’re still married,” he reminded her. 

“Yes, I am, thanks for the reminder,” she retorted. “But  _ then _ I was married to a man I believed would never hurt me or treat me the way he has.” She paused for a moment, staring Ian down. “Nothing happened between me and Jamie. Nothing.” 

Ian held up his hands in surrender. “Sorry. I didna mean to offend ye.” He shook his head a bit. “It’s just that ye’re so close.” 

Claire sighed. “Well, I suppose we are,” she confessed. “Nothing romantic happened between us, but I guess  _ something _ did. We became each other’s rocks. War was brutal and so we leaned on each other. He was healing from an unthinkable injury and I more or less assigned myself to his care. And I...I needed a friend. And that’s what he was to me. We helped each other through things we never thought we’d go through. I suppose that’s where the closeness stems from. For a while I felt dependant on him and I think he felt the same way.”  

“I’m sorry for askin’, Claire,” Ian said. “I just wanted to understand better what it is between ye. But what ye say makes sense. Jamie’s always said ye saved his life but he never went into detail about it. I always assumed it was medically, but perhaps it wasna.” Claire took a deep breath, absorbing what Ian was saying. “Anyway, I should be getting sleep as well. Lord knows, the wee one will be up with the lark and wanting me to be up with him. Good night, Claire.” 

“Good night, Ian,” she replied, watching Ian walk back down the hall to his room. Claire exhaled as she went back in her own room. Something about what Ian asked was eating at her and she couldn’t figure out why. 

* * *

_ It had been a slow day in the medical tent. Naturally, that meant Claire was rooted near Jamie’s cot. They were talking about nothing in particular. For a split second, Claire almost forgot that they were in the middle of a war. Instead, she just felt like she was spending time with a friend. Jamie was shifting like he was going to sit up.  _

_ “Whoa, what do you think you’re doing?” Claire demanded.  _

_ Jamie rolled his eyes. “Do ye ken how uncomfortable it is to lay here like this?”  _

_ Claire shrugged. “I’m sure it is. But I’d think a bleeding back would be more uncomfortable in the grand scheme of things.” _

_ Jamie sighed dramatically. “So when do ye think I’ll be able to move again? Or even sit up, for that matter.”  _

_ Claire tapped her finger on her chin. “Let me think. You’re 22, right?” Jamie narrowed his eyes at her as he nodded. “I’d say it will easily be before you’re 30.”  _

_ His eyes widened, but a smile betrayed him. “Ah, jokes, is it?”  _

_ She couldn’t help but laugh at herself. “Why not?” Claire squatted to be at his eye level. “Look, I know this must be brutally uncomfortable, but it’s all so you can heal. The shallow cuts have scabbed and are well into the healing process. But the deeper ones, the ones that will really hurt if torn open, they’re just a bit slower to close up. You survived being bloody flogged. I think you’ll be okay for a few more days.”  _

_ Jamie scoffed. “Dinna patronize me, Sassenach.”  _

_ “I’m truly not trying to,” she replied. “I’m simply trying to put it in perspective.”  _

_ “Alright,” he grumbled. “So what did ye find out about Nurse Dogface over there?”  _

_ “Jamie!” Claire scolded, trying to hold in a laugh.  _

_ “What? Ye’re the one who named her that!” he reminded her.  _

_ “Yes, well it seems wrong hearing someone else call her that,” Claire admitted. “I shouldn’t have said such a thing. She’s a fine person.”  _

_ Jamie made a face. “Sure she is. So she didna make comments about ye that ye overheard and told me about?” He gave her a pointed look.  _

_ “We’re in the middle of a war, not at school,” Claire said. “Things aren’t simple. If we were just two girls at school, perhaps I’d be catty right back, but I’m choosing to rise above it.”  _

_ “And just vent about it to me?”  _

_ Claire thought about it for a moment. “Yes. I don’t really have another alternative. If I said something to one of the other nurses, they’d want us to talk about it and I definitely don’t have the energy for that.” She got down closer so she could whisper and he would still hear. “Besides, I heard that the doctors are not at all pleased with her and are requesting her transfer to another medical camp. Perhaps even out of France.” Claire couldn’t hide the smile on her face. _

_ Jamie grinned along with her. “Serves her right for trying to mess with Nurse Randall.”  _

_ Claire scoffed. “Please don’t make it sound like I had anything to do with it. I don’t want that reputation.”  _

_ Jamie chuckled. “Aye, my lips are sealed.”  _

_ “Anyway, I saw one of your men over here earlier, how did that go?” Claire asked, needing to change the subject.  _

_ “Och, they’re no’ my men. We’re all in the same regiment is all,” Jamie corrected her.  _

_ Claire rolled her eyes. “Whatever. You hadn’t talked to any of them since you were all freed and scattered throughout this medical compound. What did he have to say?”  _

_ “Well frankly, he couldna get much out after he took a look at my back,” Jamie admitted with a roll of his eyes. “It was what I feared. No one will be able to look at me the same way if they see what has happened to me. No’ wi’out sympathy. It would be easier if no one saw it.”  _

_ “You don’t mind me looking at your back?” Claire wondered.  _

_ Jamie shrugged as best he could in his situation. “I dinna have much of a choice when it comes to ye.” He paused, a thoughtful look on his face. “Besides, ye have a knack of letting me know ye feel sorry for it, wi’out making me feel pitiful about it.”  _

_ Claire felt a small smile spread across her face. She reached out and grabbed Jamie’s hand in hers, gripping tightly for a moment. Trying to find a way to reply, she got interrupted by one of the other nurses.  _

_ “Randall!” Claire looked up at her name. “Mail for you!”  _

_ She jumped up. “Excuse me,” she said to Jamie, patting him on the shoulder as she walked away from his cot. She grabbed the letter and settled on a chair at the edge of the tent, not too terribly far away from Jamie. “Oh, it’s from Frank,” she said, mostly to herself. A feeling of happiness bloomed within her. It had been a while since she’d heard from her husband.  _

_ Reading the first two lines of the letter crushed that feeling of happiness. Tears were falling down her face before she could even process why. Her body knew before her brain could catch up. She held her hand over her mouth to stop the audible sobs. Now, more than anything, she wished she hadn’t heard from Frank. Her body curled in on itself as her grief began to take hold.  _

_ Arms came to shelter her and she leaned into them without a second thought. She laid her head against Jamie’s shoulder, letting her tears fall freely. He whispered to her in English and in Gaelic, rubbing a hand along her back as he tried to calm her. “Claire, are ye alright?”  _

_ It was the first time he’d ever called her by her actual name and not “Sassenach” or “Randall.” She turned and looked at him, his eyes holding hers. “No,” she cried. “No, I’m not.”  _

_ “What’s happened?” Jamie asked in a gentle voice. He wasn’t demanding. Instead, he was offering her the chance to talk through her pain.  _

_ “It’s Uncle Lamb. He’s died,” she choked out through a sob.  _

_ “Ah, lass, I’m so sorry,” he said sincerely. “And he was the one who raised ye?”  _

_ Claire took a moment to realize that in the short couple of weeks that Jamie had been there, he’d learned so much about her life. She’d likely learned just as much about his as well. Claire nodded against him. “Yes, yes he was.”  _

_ Jamie’s hand came up to cradle her head, allowing it to rest against his shoulder. “I’m sorry. The pain of losing a loved one can be unbearable.”  _

_ It was her turn to share her knowledge of his life. “Of course. You’ve lost both your parents,” she recalled. He nodded against her. Suddenly, Claire jolted in Jamie’s arms. “Wait! Jesus, Jamie, you’re not supposed to get up!” she cried, pulling back from him to scold him.  _

_ He rolled his eyes at her. “Forget it. Ye needed someone. Might as well be me,” he reasoned. “And my back feels fine.” Jamie wiped a tear from her face before pulling her back into his arms. _

_ Claire reread the letter as Jamie gently rocked her. She couldn’t stop the fresh stream of tears. “You expect that the people not fighting in this damn war are safe, but I guess not,” she remarked, breaking the silence between them. _

_ “Was there another attack?” Jamie asked.  _

_ “No,” Claire replied. “No, apparently he had a heart attack. It was very sudden.” She began to sob harder. “And I couldn’t be there for him.”  _

_ “Shhh,” Jamie soothed. “I’m sure he knew how much ye cherished him, Sassenach.”  _

_ “I just wish I could have been there with him instead of here. I didn’t want to find out from Frank,” she insisted.  _

_ “Why did ye find out from Frank? Why did whoever not just contact ye directly?” Jamie wondered.  _

_ “Frank is still in London. I suppose he’s easier to get ahold of,” Claire explained. They sat there for a long moment, Jamie still rocking her. Suddenly, he tensed, inhaling sharply. “What just happened?” Claire asked.  _

_ Jamie breathed in through his teeth. “Ah, tis nothing.”  _

_ Claire started to stand up from his embrace. “Jamie, this didn’t seem like nothing.”  _

_ His face contorted in pain as he tried to straighten out his back. “Really, I’m alright.” _

_ She walked around to look at his back and her suspicions were confirmed. He’d opened up one of the wounds. “Like I said, Jamie, you can’t move. Damn it. You’ve opened one up.” She pointed over at his cot. “Go lay down again.”  _

_ “Dinna tell me ye’re mad at me.” He laid down on his stomach again.  _

_ “I just wish you hadn’t hurt yourself while trying to comfort me,” she reasoned. “Seems silly now that both of us are hurting.”  _

_ “Aye, but mine is easily fixed with yer salves and such,” Jamie replied. “Yers canna be treated the same way.”  _

_ “What are you talking about? There’s a salve for emotional pain. It’s called alcohol,” she teased.  _

_ Jamie turned his head to look back at her. He gave her a disapproving look. “Claire,” he started.  _

_ “I’ll be fine,” she said, a few tears betraying her as they fell down her face. “It’s wartime, I should be used to losing people.”  _

_ She was starting to clean up his back when he reached back to hold her hand. “Still, if ye ever need to speak of it…”  _

_ Claire smiled down at him. “I’ll know who to come to. Thanks, Jamie.”  _

_ He returned her smile. “Of course, Sassenach.”  _

* * *

Jamie walked into the kitchen the next morning, still feeling ashamed from the night before. Ashamed and also grateful for Claire pulling him from the dream. Ian was the only one in the kitchen as he entered. “Morning,” Jamie greeted. 

Ian looked up and smiled. “Morning. Sleep well?” He froze, sputtering out an apology. 

Jamie waved him off. “After that, yes, I did.” Jamie sighed. “I’m sorry about that again.” 

“It wasna the first time and I’m sure it willna be the last,” Ian reminded him. “Dinna fash.” 

Jamie shrugged. It was a lot easier to say that than it was to actually do so. He felt guilty for pushing his fears and traumas on everyone else. “So where are Jamie and Claire? Out in the garden already?” 

Ian chuckled as he closed the book he was holding. “No, Wee Jamie is in the library. I briefly saw Claire on her way to the bathroom but that was a while ago. I suspect she’s avoiding me.” 

Jamie sat down at the table with Ian. “Why would she do that?”

“Well because I asked her something last night that I think made her feel a bit awkward,” Ian informed him. Jamie raised his eyebrows at his brother-in-law. Hundreds of possible questions flew through Jamie’s mind as he waited for Ian to confess what he’d actually asked. Ian huffed out a breath. “I asked her if anything had happened between the two of ye during the war.” 

“Ye, what?” Jamie nearly yelled, standing up from the table. “Why would ye do that?” 

“Well, because I’ve wondered. Ye’ve spoken so highly of her and ye look at her a certain way. And that’s no’ even discussing the way she acts towards ye. The two of ye just seem incredibly close,” Ian reasoned. 

“We are, but it’s no’ because of that!” Jamie cried. “Good God, man.” He walked out of the kitchen to find Claire and apologize for Ian. 

He wandered up the stairs, trying to decide how to bring it up with her. Perhaps he should start with thanking her for what she did for him. That would be a more comfortable conversation than acknowledging what Ian had accused them of. The truth was that Jamie didn’t really have a label for what things were between them. He felt reliant on Claire. He felt indebted to Claire. But above all, he felt desperate to be around Claire. 

Shaking his head, he tried to clear out any confusion before entering her room. He knocked quickly on the door and walked in. “Hey, Sassenach, I wanted to - oh!” A shriek from Claire halted his steps. She turned away frantically, shielding her front with the shirt she was about to put on. 

“Jesus Christ, Jamie. Don’t people usually wait for a response after they knock?” she asked in a heated voice, glancing over her shoulder at him. 

He averted his eyes, looking down to the floor. “I’m sorry. I thought ye were just avoiding Ian.” They stood there silently for a long moment. Jamie felt too awkward to move and Claire was clearly waiting for him to leave. 

“Are you just going to stand there?” she demanded. 

Jamie sputtered a response. “Sorry, I’ll go, I -” He stopped as his eyes caught sight of something on her back. “Claire,” he breathed, inching closer to her. “What is that?” 

“What is what?” she asked, looking back at him. She followed his eyeline to the scar on her shoulder. Her head turned back to face away from him, shame spreading in a look. “It’s nothing.” 

“Was it him?” Jamie interrogated, unable to acknowledge her cues to drop the subject. 

“Jamie,” she pleaded. 

“Claire, please tell me,” Jamie urged. He stared at the long, jagged, red line that stretched across her shoulder. 

Claire sighed deeply before she spoke. “Yes, it was him. One night he was drinking and I said something in a way he didn’t like and he smashed his bottle against my back. A piece of glass dug in a dragged across my shoulder.” She looked over her shoulder at the scar. “He wouldn’t let me go to the hospital because he thought he might get in trouble so I had to sew it shut after he passed out.” She delicately put her shirt on, making sure Jamie couldn’t see anything. “Happy now?” she demanded as she turned around. 

“No,” Jamie replied. “Claire, that’s awful.” 

She shook her head, unable to meet his eye. “Well sure, but there’s nothing I can do about it, right? I did the most I could. I ran away from him. Nothing to do for this now.” Her eyes lingered on him. “Besides, it’s nothing like your back.” 

Jamie scoffed softly. “That’s fair. But then my back was torn by men who didna ken me. I was just the enemy. It wasna done by someone I trusted. Someone I loved.” 

Tears glimmered in Claire’s eyes as she glared at him. “Well then congratulations, Jamie. Good for you that your scars are a trophy of war and mine is because I have an abusive husband. I hope that makes you feel really good about yourself.” 

He closed his eyes, realizing his mistake. “Sassenach, I didna -”  

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, Young Jamie wanted to show me something out in the garden so I shouldn’t keep him waiting,” Claire said storming past Jamie. 

He turned around and watched her walk further and further from him. Voices in his head battled as he watched her leave. One voice urged him to run after her and apologize. The other told him to give her some space. He’d poked at a wound that was too sore and he’d hurt her. So Jamie stayed put and let her get further from him. Once he heard the front door open and shut, he walked downstairs, beating himself up the whole time. 

* * *

“See?” Young Jamie asked in an excited voice. 

Claire laughed as she looked down at what he presented in his hand. “You’re right, it’s a snail.” 

“It’s so cool!” he said, bringing his hand to his eye level so he could watch the small creature. 

“They’re something,” Claire responded. “Did you know in France they like to eat snails?” 

His eyes widened in horror. “They do?”

“Mhmm.” 

The little boy watched the snail in his hand, his brows furrowing. Suddenly he had a determined look on his face. “Okay, then.” He opened his mouth, moving to cup his hand to it and deposit the live snail there. 

“No!” Claire cried, pulling his hand back. “They don’t eat them live! They cook them and such.” 

“Oh. That makes more sense,” Young Jamie agreed. “I just wanted you to think I could eat them too.” 

Claire laughed to herself. “Oh I’m sure you could. And maybe one day you will. I just don’t think you should eat them fresh out of the garden.” 

“I thought you’d fancy me a brave lad,” he admitted. 

She couldn’t fight the smile on her face as she brought the boy to sit on her lap. “You absolutely are brave, Jamie.” 

“Someday I want to be brave like Uncle Jamie.” The boy looked off toward the field. She followed his eyeline and saw Jamie walking. “Mam and Da say he’s verra brave.” 

Claire nodded even though the boy wasn’t watching her. “They’re right. He is brave.” She was still hurt by Jamie’s words, but that couldn’t be denied. 

“Uncle Jamie said ye’re brave too,” he said, interrupting her thoughts. 

“What?” Claire asked. 

“He said a bad man hurt ye and that’s why ye’re here. That ye were brave to get away from him and we must keep ye safe,” Young Jamie explained, looking over at Claire. 

She felt incredibly touched by all the boy had said. “He was right. I am hiding from someone.” 

“Dinna worry, Miss Claire, I’ll be brave and protect ye,” he said with a big smile. Claire couldn’t help but wrap her arms around him in a big hug. They sat that way for a long, peaceful moment. 

“I’m going to show Da!” Wee Jamie exclaimed, jumping up from Claire’s lap and running off with the snail toward the house. 

Claire laughed as she watched him run away in search of Ian. She couldn’t help it as she turned to look back at Jamie. She was touched by what he’d told his nephew. It softened the way she was feeling a bit. But not entirely. Strengthening her resolve, she went to gather her tools, determined to keep her distance from Jamie for a bit. 

There wasn’t anything incorrect about what he’d said that morning. She’d trusted and loved Frank and he’d still treated her like a punching bag. The injury may have been less than Jamie’s, but the lasting impression was likely deeper. Still, the way Jamie couldn’t read her mood and drop it had hurt. He’d seemed determined to make her speak of it, no matter how much she tried to deflect. In all the time she’d spent with him, he’d been able to read her better than that. But when it seemed to matter most, he kept pushing. 

Claire shook her head and tried to focus on her work in the garden. Her hurt feelings would fade, she just had to let them. The last person she wanted to be constantly mad at was Jamie. He was her protector now, as she’d been his. Perhaps a day spent in the solitude of the garden and the lands at large would help re-calibrate things. 

* * *

Jamie was keeping his distance from Claire. They both spent the day outside but he was constantly aware of her position so he could keep away from her. He was allowing her the space she needed from him and he wanted to maintain that. If he didn’t stay strong, he’d just as quickly run over and beg her forgiveness for his earlier idiocy. The guilt was eating at him. Why could he not have just dropped it? Why could he have not sensed her need for deflection when she brought up his own scars? No, instead he’d poked and he’d prodded at an emotional scab trying to heal. Sighing, Jamie shook his head at himself. There had been times where he’d felt he was truly good at reading Claire. Somehow that had disappeared. He prayed it was only temporary. 

The sound of a car on approach pulled him from his thoughts. Turning back to the road, he saw their guest wander toward him. Her blonde hair was free, flying through the wind as she strode in his direction. Jamie looked back toward the house, spotting Claire in the garden only a few yards away. 

“Hello, Jamie,” Laoghaire greeted with a smile. 

“Laoghaire,” Jamie replied almost curtly. “What brings ye by?” 

“Well a few weeks back ye said ye’d be coming by the house and ye havena been by,” she reminded him. 

He nodded. “Well, I’ve been busy. I also recall saying I  _ might _ be by. Yer grannie was bribing me wi’ her baking.” 

“Aye, she likes to do that,” she agreed. “So is Jenny back yet?” 

“No, she’s still across the sea in North Carolina,” Jamie confirmed. “Was that what brought ye? I’m sure Jenny will let ye know when she returns.” 

Laoghaire nodded, a disappointed look crossing her face. She focused on a spot over Jamie’s shoulder and he turned to look at what she saw. Claire. As she stood up, the sun caught her hair, reflecting auburn in her curls. He’d always thought she was beautiful. Even in his delirious state when he first met her, he’d noticed her beauty. As he watched her now, Jamie couldn’t help but stare. Remembering himself, he turned back to see Laoghaire watching Claire with narrowed eyes. “Jamie, who is that woman?” 

Jamie looked back and forth between the two women. “That’s Claire.” 

“Well who is she?” Laoghaire demanded. 

“She’s a friend of mine,” Jamie said, being purposefully vague. Laoghaire didn’t need to know all about who Claire really was. She certainly didn’t need to know Claire’s situation. He noticed the look on Laoghaire’s face. She wasn’t about to let this topic drop. Selfishly, Jamie called for Claire. He’d been so determined to give her space, but she was the only one who could likely set Laoghaire back on her way home. 

* * *

Claire was tending to the garden, always aware when Jamie was nearby. She glanced up quickly to see him working near the closest fence. For no apparent reason, she couldn’t stop looking up at him every so often. But this time when she looked up, she spotted Jamie talking to some blonde girl. Claire was far enough away, but she could see the way the girl leaned eagerly toward him. She seemed young. Claire shook her head, trying not to worry herself with it. Focusing back on the plants, she desperately tried to find an explanation for the possessive way she was feeling. 

Perhaps it was their current situation. Jamie had encouraged Ian to let Claire stay. Ian had easily agreed, but it had been Jamie’s idea. If Jamie was taking up with this blonde girl, would he care if Claire was safely tucked away at Lallybroch? Would he keep trying to protect her, no matter the cost? Claire was afraid of what that answer might be. Perhaps that’s why she was wary of the sight of Jamie chatting with a girl who was clearly besotted with him. 

Digging ferociously into the ground, she tried to ignore Jamie again. She’d only been mildly successful throughout the afternoon. As she stood up to move toward the other side of the garden, she resisted the urge to look back at them. She’d just knelt back down when she swore she heard her name being called. Looking up, Jamie was staring at her, motioning for her to join them. With a sigh, she dropped her tools and walked the few yards over to them. 

“Aye, so this is Claire,” Jamie introduced, gesturing for her to stand with him. “Claire, this is Laoghaire. She’s an old family friend.” 

Laoghaire’s smile was tense as she appraised Claire. “Hello there,” Claire greeted. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

She gaped at Claire, turning back to Jamie. “She’s a sassenach?” she asked, her voice dripping in disdain. 

“Aye, so?” Jamie asked, looking over at Claire. 

“How did ye ever become friends wi’ a sassenach?” Laoghaire demanded. The way the gaelic term spewed from her lips made Claire wonder how Jamie had always made it seem endearing. 

“We met in the war,” Jamie explained simply. 

The woman’s eyes fell back on Claire. “How did ye meet during the war?” 

“I was a nurse,” Claire replied. “I met Jamie when…” She cut off. There was no way for her to know if this friend knew of Jamie’s capture or if Claire would be telling her. 

“When I was injured,” Jamie finished with a small smile for Claire. 

“Ye were a nurse when Jamie was hurt?” she asked. Claire nodded, wary of the other woman. A bright smile crossed her face as she brought Claire into a tight hug. “Thank ye so much!” she cried. 

Claire looked over at Jamie who seemed to be as bewildered as she was. She lightly patted the girl on the back. “Uh, it was no problem,” she replied, unsure of the right thing to say. Laoghaire released her and stared at her in awe. “It was my job,” Claire continued lamely. 

Jamie must have felt as awkward as Claire by the tense way he was holding himself. A small voice carried from the house. “Uncle Jamie!” All three of the adults turned to look for the small boy. 

A devious grin crossed Jamie’s face. “Ah, if ye’ll excuse me, I must see what the lad needs.” 

Claire moved to go with him but Laoghaire grabbed her hand. Fighting a sigh, Claire turned back to look at her. “I seriously canna thank ye enough for what ye did for Jamie.” 

Claire shrugged. “It was really nothing. Same thing I did for many men in the war.” Mentally, she corrected herself. What she did for Jamie went past what she did for any other patient she’d had. But this random girl didn’t need to know that. 

“So why are you here at Lallybroch?” 

It was the first time she’d had to address it with someone other than Jamie and Ian. There was no way she could tell this girl the truth. Claire only hoped that she’d get a chance to discuss it with Ian and Jamie before Laoghaire did. “Well, I was in Scotland for a holiday and I decided to look Jamie up. He and Ian were kind enough to allow me to stay for a bit. I’ve been trying to make up for Jenny’s absence as much as I can.” 

Many different expressions crossed Laoghaire’s face before she smiled tightly. “That’s nice of them.” 

Claire cleared her throat. “So Jamie said you are a family friend?” 

“Well I suppose that’s one way of putting it,” she said with a smirk. 

“I don’t understand the joke,” Claire asked. 

Laoghaire leaned closer to Claire like she was about to share a secret. “Jamie and I are to be marrit,” she confessed with a large smile. 

Claire plastered on a smile and nodded. How could Jamie have not told her something as big as that? In all the time they’d spent together, he’d never once mentioned the girl. Betrayal was probably too strong a word, but it was how she felt. “Well that’s just lovely,” she said halfheartedly. “Look, it’s about time I should go in and start on dinner. So I’ll talk to you later.” 

“Nice to meet ye, Claire,” Laoghaire said in farewell. 

“And you,” Clare replied, turning to walk back toward the house. 

In the time since Jamie left her camp, Claire had often found herself thinking about him. What had happened to him? Had he survived? Had he gotten to go home? Did he ever get to meet the nephew he’d excitedly talked about? Was he as affected by their time together as she was? Did he miss their conversations the way she did? 

Since coming to Lallybroch, she thought some of her questions had been answered. The close bond they’d shared as he healed had quickly returned as she sought shelter within the walls of his home. Or at least she thought it had. In all the weeks she’d been there, he’d never once told her he was getting married. She suddenly felt like she didn’t know him. When he was her patient and she was breaking rules to allow him time to heal, she felt she knew him completely. But perhaps she was wrong. 

As she walked back to the house, Claire began to feel miserable. How could she have misread everything about their friendship? She’d relied heavily on him, but had it been the same way for him? It seemed not. 

Jamie would tease her by telling her she had a glass face. When she walked in the house, she prayed her glass face wasn’t giving away her internal distress. One look from Jamie told her that her face had betrayed her. 

“Sassenach, are ye alright?” he asked, still keeping his distance. 

Claire decided to just come right out with it. “How could you not tell me?” 

“Tell ye what?” 

“About Laoghaire.” Claire sighed. “I mean we’ve talked about a lot of very important things but never once have you mentioned her.”

Jamie looked confused. “Because she’s no’ important.” 

Claire gaped at him. “So your future wife isn’t important?” 

It was Jamie’s turn to be shocked. “Excuse me, but where did ye get a notion like that?” 

“From her,” Claire explained. “Laoghaire said you were to be married. Is that...not true?” 

Jamie stared at her. “No, it’s no’ true! Christ, I’ve never - I would -” He sighed. “I canna imagine why Laogharie Mackenzie believes we’re getting marrit.” Ian walked in, whistling and immediately turned around at Jamie’s last sentence. “Ian! Stop!” Jamie called. Ian froze, not turning back to them. “Why does she think it?” 

Ian rotated very slowly to face them. “I canna say why the lass would have such a crazy idea.” Jamie gave him a pointed look and Ian broke with a sigh. “Fine, it all happened when we were deployed. Jenny was worrit to death about both of us and Laoghaire and Jenny became close as Laoghaire would come over to sit wi’ Jenny. Well then Jenny and I got marrit and she had the bairn and then ye got captured. It all happened in the month or more we didna hear from ye. Jenny began to panic and nothing Laoghaire or I would say could calm her down. One day she was crying over how her brother was deid and ye’d never get to meet yer nephew and she’d never get to see ye again. And then, and I canna say why, she turned to Laoghaire and said “I was going to convince him to marry ye.” And then she kept prattling on.” 

Claire and Jamie stared at Ian as he told his story, jaws dropping as it progressed. “What?” Jamie asked. 

“Well so then we got a letter from ye while ye were healing telling us that ye were wounded but ye were alive and Jenny calmed right down,” Ian continued. “But I suppose she never called off that arranged marriage she accidentally set up. Perhaps she didna even ken that Laoghaire latched onto the idea as she did. I canna believe that the lass still believes ye’re to be marrit. The two of ye hardly ever speak.” 

Jamie was about to reply when Claire giggled. Jamie and Ian both looked at her, though Ian looked more amused than Jamie. “Claire, it’s no’ funny.” 

“It’s a little funny,” Claire defended. “Come on, she thinks she’s going to marry you and you don’t even talk to her.” She laughed harder as her meeting with the girl came back. “Dear God, that’s probably why she hugged me so tightly when she found out I was your nurse.” Claire honestly snorted as she laughed. It was the hardest she’d laughed in a long time. Even if it was wrong, it felt great. “I’m sorry, but that’s so sad.” 

“Yes, sad. That’s the right word, Claire,” Ian agreed. “There’s certainly not another word for it.” It was obvious he was trying to protect Jenny even as she wasn’t there. “Anyway, dinner?” 

“Yes, I’ll go start it,” Claire offered, starting for the kitchen. 

“Actually, Ian, ye could handle it tonight. Could ye no’?” Jamie asked. 

Ian narrowed his eyes at Jamie in confusion before he smiled and nodded. “Of course. I’ll have the lad help me.” 

Claire turned back to Jamie, equally confused. They’d stopped trying to convince Claire not to cook. Since she’d arrived, she’d made most of the meals they all ate. “It’s nothing against yer cooking, I jus’ wanted a moment to talk to ye.” Claire nodded, stepping back toward him. “I wanted to apologize. For earlier, I mean.” Claire started to speak but he continued. “Please, let me say my piece first.” 

She nodded for him. “I was wrong on every part of it. Ye were right, I should have waited for yer response before I just walked in. And I should have left right when I saw ye werena fully dressed. But more than that, I should have followed your cues and just dropped it. I am sorry, truly. Ye made it clear enough that ye didna want to speak of it.I dinna ken what I was trying to accomplish by continuing to talk about it. I was just horrified by the thought of it that I couldna let it go. But that’s no excuse for my behavior.” 

Claire offered him a sad smile. “I never planned or thought I’d show anyone the physical damage done. It’s one thing to know that he hurt me but it’s another to see it. I didn’t want people to think of me as broken or as less because Frank hurt me.” 

“I ken exactly what ye mean, Sassenach,” Jamie reminded her. 

She nodded. “I know you do.” 

“But to be clear, that wasna how I felt at all. I was angry with Frank for being able to treat ye in such a way,” Jamie explained. “But I never thought of ye as some defenseless creature. Ye patched up yer own wound when ye couldna do otherwise. Ye’re far from weak, Claire.” 

“Thank you,” she whispered, her voice betraying her. “I’m sorry I mentioned your back.” 

“Nah, I ken why ye did so. Dinna be sorry.” Claire nodded slightly, looking up at him. He still had a nervous look about him. “So are we good?” 

Claire breathed out a laugh. “We were never really not good.” Jamie breathed a sigh of relief. 

She opened her mouth to ask him something she knew she shouldn’t. Closing it, she turned toward the kitchen. “What is it?” 

“Nothing. It’s not something I should ask.” 

“Sassenach, ye can ask me anything,” Jamie insisted. “What is it?” 

“Well you mentioned your back,” Claire began. “And I - I’ve just often wondered how it healed. Since you left, I mean.” 

“Oh,” Jamie replied. “It’s fine. Doesna hurt anymore.” 

She nodded, still feeling a bit timid. Taking a deep breath, she tried to draw enough courage. “Could - could I see it?” 

“Ye want to see my back?” Jamie asked. She hated how well he controlled his face. There was no telling the thoughts running through his mind. “Sure,” he breathed. Jamie looked around the entryway. Ian and Young Jamie were both in the kitchen. 

He started to pull up his shirt when Claire steered him to face the kitchen. Jamie looked back at her in confusion. “Well then even if one of them walks out of the kitchen, they still won’t see it,” she reasoned. 

Jamie pulled his shirt back down and turned to look at her. “Thank ye, Sassenach. Truly.” 

Claire smiled before he turned back around to face the hall. Slowly, he pulled his shirt up to reveal the massive web of scars that laid across his back. Claire instantly flashed back to the day he was brought into the camp, his back a mess of blood and torn tissue. She reached out a hand gently and touched the thickest scar. Jamie startled at her touch. “Sorry,” she said quickly. 

“I was just surprised. Ye’re fine.” 

She stood there for a long moment, taking in the way he’d healed. It was amazing to see the way his body had changed and improved since she’d last seen the damage done to him. She felt happy, knowing she’d gotten him the extra time to heal. Perhaps it had really made all the difference. 

She patted his arm, letting him know he could put his shirt back on. “Thank you,” she said, walking around to face him. “I know that was an odd request.” 

Jamie shrugged. “No’ that odd. Ye were likely the last one to see it anyway.” 

“Really?” Claire asked. Jamie made an uncomfortable face. “They’ll look at you differently,” she recalled. “I remember.” 

“Aye. I havena wanted to risk it,” Jamie added. 

“I understand that,” Claire said, looking down at the floor. 

“I didna,” he replied. She looked up in confusion. “I didna see ye any differently. I was mad at what happened to ye, but I do no’ see ye as any less than I’ve always seen ye, Claire. Just as ye always did wi’ me.” 

Claire surprised Jamie, and herself, by throwing her arms around him and wrapping him in a hug. After a moment, he mimicked the gesture and held her to him. Standing there with him, Claire wondered how Jamie Fraser always helped her find such peace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it has been so long since I last updated this! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	5. Big News and New Friends

Claire took her plate over to the table, sitting down alone. She was the only one that was up yet. There was such a peacefulness about Lallybroch, especially in the early mornings before jobs had to start being done. Claire looked around the kitchen, realizing it had been a month since she’d arrived and sat at that same table, telling Jamie her story. She didn’t really know how she’d been there a whole month already. Jamie and Ian had been far kinder than she’d ever expected anyone to be. They’d kept her safe and allowed her space to heal.

Jamie walked into the kitchen, interrupting Claire’s thoughts. “Morning,” he greeted with a smile.

Claire looked up. “Morning!”

He walked over and looked down at her plate. “Toast?”

“What’s wrong with toast?”

“Seems a bit boring is all,” he commented, walking over toward the fridge.

“Well we can’t have a full breakfast every day,” Claire reasoned. Jamie looked back at her and grinned. “That could become horribly unhealthy.”

“Do ye have jam?” he asked, glancing at the table. Claire nodded. He walked back over with two slices of toasted bread that Claire had left. Sitting down across from her, they ate in a companionable silence.

“I checked the fridge and the pantry and I made a list of things we need,” Claire said, breaking the silence in the room.

Jamie nodded. “Alright. I’ll make a trip to the market.”

“I could go,” Claire offered. Jamie gave her a look. “What? I am able to.”

“Why take the risk?” Jamie countered.

“You really think someone here would recognize me?” Claire argued. “You and Ian said it was further than the police usually go from Inverness.”

“And yet they did,” Jamie reminded her. Claire glared at him.

She shook her head. “I just…” she cut off, not entirely sure how to express her feelings.

“Do ye feel trapped here?” Jamie asked, concern coloring his face.

Claire’s eyes snapped back to him. “No. Not at all.”

“Are ye sure. I only said I’d go because I dinna want anything to happen to ye,” Jamie explained a bit sheepishly.

“No, I know that, Jamie. And believe me, I appreciate it,” Claire said, reaching her hand out to place on his. “This is just a tough place to be,” she admitted, looking down at her lap.

“Are ye no’ happy here?” Jamie asked in a small voice.

Claire looked up at him. “That’s not what I meant. It’s just hard. Because I am happy here. It is comfortable here and nice. But that’s just here at Lallybroch. The world at large still seems risky. I want to be able to be the one go to the market but you’re right, it’s too risky.”

“I’m sorry, Claire,” Jamie said, ducking his head to meet her gaze.

“I don’t feel trapped, I just...I wish I wasn’t so afraid of leaving,” Claire admitted. “I expected to be on the move for a while when I first left but then I came here and you let me stay. And now, it’s just like when I started to leave the first time. I’m afraid to take the first step.”

Jamie nodded, a sad look on his face. “Well, I’ll remind ye that ye’re welcome here as long as ye need it.”

Claire smiled. “Thank you, Jamie.”

It was later in the afternoon when Claire walked in from the garden. Jamie was looking over Claire’s list for the market. “Is this everything?” he asked, lifting up the list. She walked over and read the list again before agreeing. Jamie was putting the list in his pocket when Ian walked into the kitchen, whistling. Jamie and Claire both looked over at him. “What’s got ye in such a good mood?” Jamie asked.

Ian smiled brilliantly. “I just got off the phone wi’ Jenny. She’s coming home!”

Jamie’s eyes widened, a matching smile growing on his face. “Really? When?”

“Week after next. Nine days,” Ian replied, bouncing on his feet excitedly.

“Well it’s about time,” Jamie said with a nod.

“Ye ken she had to come back sooner rather than later,” Ian remarked.

“Oh aye.”

“Why?” Claire asked.

Ian looked over at her. “Because she’s pregnant.”

Claire gaped at him. “What? How have neither of you mentioned this?”

Jamie shrugged. “Have we no’?”

“No, you haven’t!”

“She found out only a week or two before she left,” Ian informed her. “But she’d already committed to her trip to help Jocasta, so she said she was going anyway. Didna matter that I said I thought she should stay.” He shrugged helplessly. “Anyway, she’s been there for about three months now so I’d suppose she’s about four, almost five months gone.”

“Goodness gracious. And she’s just been in America, focused on someone else this whole time?” Claire asked.

“Her reasoning was that she’s had one before and she kens what’s happening,” Ian replied, making a face. “But there was no swaying her decision, so I went along wi’ it. It doesna really matter anymore because she’ll be home soon! I need to go find Wee Jamie and let him know. Oh, he’ll be so happy.”

Jamie nodded at him with a smile but Claire stood frozen. She stared at the doorway out of the kitchen, unable to move. Nine days. The week after next. Nine days and then she’d have to go. She found herself getting short of breath, terror filling her. “Sassenach, are ye alright?”

Hearing Jamie’s voice snapped her out of it. She looked over at him and faked a smile. “I’m fine. You must be really excited. Nine days and your sister will be home. Week after next. She’s been gone so long and now it’s only nine days till you see her again. Just week after next. How exciting.”

Jamie’s eyes narrowed as he looked at her. “Are ye sure ye’re alright?”

She nodded emphatically. “Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I dinna ken, but ye’ve said “nine days” and “week after next” a lot of times. That, and ye look a bit panicked,” Jamie told her. He stepped closer to her, looking down at her critically. “Claire, ye willna have to leave when Jenny gets back.”

Claire looked up at him. “Won’t I?”

“Why would ye?” Jamie argued. “I’ve told ye that ye can stay. As has Ian. Our promise to ye doesna become invalid because Jenny suddenly arrived back.”

“I doubt she’ll want some random woman who’s on the run from her dangerous husband to be kept here where harm could be brought to her family or her children,” Claire reasoned.

Jamie shook his head. “He’s no’ going to find ye here. There would be no reason for him to look here. And I dinna care if Jenny doesna want ye here. This is my home just as much as it’s Jenny’s.” Claire looked away from him, feeling unsure. “She already kens ye’re here. Ian told her and explained that we’ve both promised to keep ye safe.”

“What about Ian’s story? She wouldn’t listen to him then. What if she doesn’t want to listen to the both of you when it comes to me?” Claire countered.

“That was Ian who bent to my sister,” Jamie remarked. “Ye havena seen _me_ go toe to toe wi’ my sister. I dinna give in so easily.” Jamie fixed her with a heavy look. “Ye’re staying. So long as _ye’d_ like to. And that’s that.” He turned and walked out of the kitchen. “I’m headed to the market,” he called back to her.

Claire stood there, watching him leave. She couldn’t help but wonder why Jamie was so insistent about her being there. He had been from the moment he suggested it. Given all that she’d seen and experienced, it seemed impossible that there was someone who just wanted her to be safe and protected. She’d have left and been in danger multiple times in the last month if he hadn’t talked her down and encouraged her to stay. Someday, she’d have to figure out the best way to thank him for his insistence.

* * *

_Claire wiped the blood off her hands, walking slowly in no particular direction. She just had to get away from that. In a daze, she wandered into the tent that housed the soldiers who were healing. Her body found its way to Fraser’s cot without a thought. She froze a few feet away, anguish, loss, and an overwhelming sense of failure coursing through her. Thoughts of the men she’d just lost played on repeat through her mind. Steeling herself, she strode forward, barking out commands. “Shirt off, lay down.”_

_Jamie looked back at her, confusion clear on his face. “What?”_

_“You heard me!”_

_Jamie stared at her for a moment before he pulled off his shirt and laid down on his stomach without a word. Claire knelt next to his cot and did a routine check up of his wounds. She poked and prodded to see how well they were healing. Jamie winced a few times but Claire continued. Her attempts at detachment were making her use less care than she normally would. After a particularly rough jab, he shrank away from her._

_Turning to look back at her, Jamie asked, “Christ, Sassenach, what are ye doing?”_

_“I’m checking your wounds. I would think you’d understand the process after how long you’ve been here,” she retorted, a bite in her tone._

_Jamie stared at her, his back still turned from. “What’s wrong?”_

_“Nothing. Just turn back so I can finish and go on to my other duties,” she commanded._

_“What happened, Sassenach,” Jamie tried again._

_“What makes you think something happened?”_

_“Because ye’re no’ actin’ like yerself,” Jamie said simply._

_“You think you know me?” Claire replied, her voice cold. “You know nothing about me.” With that she turned her heel and stormed away from him. She found her way out of the tent and threw herself down on the ground, holding her knees to her chest. Immediately, she started beating herself up for the way she’d acted. But it had all been too much. Today had just been too much._

_Not even five minutes had passed when someone sat down next to her on the ground. Without even looking over, she knew it was Jamie. He sat there silently with her for a long time. “Do ye want to talk about it?”_

_“No.”_

_They sat there silently for another long moment. She never looked over at him, too ashamed of herself to face him._

_“Here,” he said, holding something out for her. Looking down, he held a flask out to her._

_“You have a flask?” she asked incredulously, finally looking over at him. “How?”_

_“It was in my pack,” he explained with a shrug._

_“No one ever took it from you? None of...them?” She talked around the names of the people who’d hurt him. She’d likely done enough damage that day as it was._

_“Nah, I had a special pocket and I suppose they didna find it,” Jamie told her. “And then the men who rescued us brought our stuff with us. Twas quite nice of them. I’ve got good whisky in that flask.”_

_“How on earth did you find good whisky in the middle of a war?” Claire asked, feeling more at ease as they adapted their natural back and forth._

_“My sister sent it to me,” Jamie recalled. “She said I needed a fine drink to toast to James Murray.”_

_Claire smiled faintly. “Your nephew.”_

_“Aye.” Jamie looked at his flask, his mind clearly in the past. “I’ve used it sparingly. I wish I’d have thought of it when I was captured but I was so weak I likely couldna have even gotten the top off.” He shook his head at the memory. “Anyway, there’s still some left.”_

_“And you’d share it with me?” Claire asked, watching him. He nodded, still holding the flask out for her. “Why?”_

_“Because it seems like ye need it.”_

_“But after the way I just treated you, I…”_

_Jamie turned and looked at her. “Are ye having a hard day?” She felt tears sting her eyes as she nodded. “But ye dinna want to talk about it?”_

_“It’s just hard,” she said vaguely. “When I decided to become a nurse, I wasn’t really thinking about being a nurse in the war. Sometimes it’s just all too much. The men who are dying and there’s nothing you can do for them. I worry that I’m too emotionally invested. It hurts too much to see so many die right in front of me.”_

_“Would it no’ be similarly if ye were a nurse back home?” Jamie asked._

_“Maybe. But I’d imagine the people wouldn’t come to me blasted apart and injured in ways the human body should never be injured,” Claire reasoned. “It’s just too...I don’t know sometimes I worry I don’t have the strength for it.”_

_“Is tha’ what ye were doing then? Trying to show yer strength?”_

_Claire’s face fell as she looked over at him. “I’m sorry, Jamie. No, that’s not what it was. It was me trying to be detached. The less I care, the less it hurts when I lose someone.”_

_Jamie’s brow furrowed. “Are ye worried about me dyin’ on ye?”_

_Claire breathed out a laugh. “No.” She sat there silently for a moment. “But one day you’ll leave too.”_

_There was a heavy silence lingering between them. Claire worried she’d said too much. Jamie was getting stronger by the day, but neither of them had ever acknowledged the fact that soon enough, he’d go back into the war and leave the medical tent behind._

_“Here,” Jamie said, yet again offering her the flask. “Ye need it.”_

_She reached out and took it from him. “You said this was the good stuff.” He nodded. “If you’ve made it last this long, why let me have any?”_

_“Like I said, because it seems like ye need it.”_

_“You’re not worried I’ll chug the rest?” Claire asked, a grin spreading across her face._

_Jamie smiled back at her. “I guess ye could call that trust.”_

_Claire stared at him for a long moment. “I’m really sorry.”_

_He shook his head, reaching out to lay his hand on her arm. “We all have bad days. Dinna fash.” He nodded toward the flask and she smirked, finally taking a drink._

_“Shit, you’re right. That is good stuff,” Claire said, staring at the flask. Jamie leaned his head back and laughed. “You might actually need to worry that I’ll finish this.”_

_Jamie swiped the flask out of her grasp. “Save some for another time.”_

_Claire nodded. “Thank you, Jamie.”_

_Jamie shrugged. “It’s just some whisky.”_

_“No,” Claire said, shaking her head. “For everything.” He looked over and held her gaze. “Somehow you’re the only person in this place that I feel like I can really talk to. You’re the only person here who somehow makes it feel like the world isn’t ending around us.”_

_Jamie reached out and squeezed her hand. “Ye do the same for me, Sassenach.” Releasing her hand, he stood up and walked back in the tent, leaving Claire to her thoughts._

_She’d had fears aplenty going into the war. But somehow the biggest fear she had now was how she would be when he left._

* * *

Jamie had just stepped inside the house in order to take a break from his chores outside. Once there was word that Jenny was returning, Claire had decided the house (and the grounds) had to look perfect. He knew that she was trying to compensate for her fear that Jenny wouldn’t like her, or worse, that Jenny wouldn’t approve of her presence at Lallybroch. Keeping that in mind, he kept his complaining to a minimum when Claire was ordering him around.

He was standing, taking a moment to himself, just inside the door to the house. A knock on the door broke through the silence, startling him. He hadn’t seen anyone coming toward the door just moments ago when he’d walked in. Opening the door, he saw a welcome sight on the other side. “Mrs. Fitz!” he cheered. “I feared we’d never see ye again.”

The kind older woman smacked his arm with a laugh. “I wasna gone that long, James.”

“It seemed like ye were. It’s been far too long since we’ve gotten one of yer pleasant surprise visits,” he teased.

She smiled, shaking her head. “Well it’s good to ken ye enjoy my visits and dinna dread me dropping by unannounced.”

“Och, never. But ye ken it helps that ye always come bringing treats for us,” Jamie added.

She held up a basket. “Oh I ken very well.”

Jamie grinned, excited at the prospect of Mrs. Fitz’s food. “Please, come in!” He brought her in for a hug. “So how was Geordie?”

“He’s doing well. Ye ken I went because his wife was having yet another. It was nice to spend time wi’ all the wee bairns and then help bring the new one into the world,” she told him, a happy look on her face. “It was hard to be away for that long, but I think the house managed wi’out me.”

“I ken Ian’s checked on them from time to time and they seemed to be doing well,” Jamie informed her.

“Good. Remind me to thank him for that,” she replied. “Anyway, how have ye been? Ye look like ye’ve been doing well.”

Jamie smiled, looking down at himself. “We’ve been doing rather well. Jenny should finally be returning soon so we’re very happy about that. Although, dinna tell my sister, but I may be happier that ye’ve come back,” he teased with a wink.

She shook her head with a laugh. “Oh Jamie Fraser, one day some lucky lass isna going to ken what to do wi’ ye.”

Jamie grinned. The sound of a closing door further into the house caught Mrs. Fitz’s attention. “Jamie,” Claire called. “Ian said you came inside. Where are you?”

“Who’s that?” Mrs. Fitz asked.

“Well why don’t we go have ye be introduced?” Jamie said, walking toward the kitchen. Claire looked up when the two of them walked in. Her eyes lingered on Mrs. Fitz. Jamie could tell that she was trying to decide if she felt comfortable with a new person. He hoped she knew he wouldn’t introduce her to anyone who could put her in danger. “Claire, there’s someone I’d like ye to meet.” She plastered on a smile and walked closer to them. “This is Mrs. Fitz, a verra dear friend of the family. Mrs. Fitz, this is Claire, a verra dear friend of mine.”

The two women shook hands politely. “It’s lovely to meet you,” Claire said with a smile.

“You must be the Englishwoman I heard of,” Mrs. Fitz commented. Jamie and Claire exchanged a panicked look, worried that news of Claire’s presence had spread too far. “From my granddaughter, Laoghaire. She said she met an Englishwoman that was staying here recently.”

Claire nodded. “Ah, yes, that would be me.”

Mrs. Fitz looked back and forth between Claire and Jamie. “Of course, she didna say how the two of ye knew each other.”

“We met during the war,” Claire explained shortly.

“What an odd, yet important time to make friends,” she said with a smile, looking between the two of them again. “Claire, it’s a pleasure to meet ye.”

“Ye’re here at a good time, Sassenach, because Mrs. Fitz brought some of her delicious food for us,” Jamie remarked, eyeing the basket she held.

“That should be a welcome change from my lackluster cooking,” Claire agreed.

Mrs. Fitz stared at her, appraising her. “Well do ye need some help?”

“What?”

“Cooking, I mean. I’ve taught many of my lasses to cook, daughters and granddaughters. I’d be happy to give ye some pointers if ye like,” Mrs. Fitz offered with a smile.

“That sounds lovely, but I couldn’t possibly take away your time like that,” Claire replied.

“Nonsense,” Mrs. Fitz waved her off. “I always enjoy spending some time here at Lallybroch anyway. Besides, it would be nice to get to know ye as well.”

Jamie could see the small moment when Claire tensed, clearly worried Mrs. Fitz would pry. Suddenly she shook her head, mostly to herself. “You know what, that sounds great. I hadn’t quite figured out what we’d have for dinner anyway.”

Mrs. Fitz clapped her hands together and cheered. “Lovely. Let’s get started. Jamie, I’m sure ye have something else ye need to be doing, aye?”

Claire grinned at him, clearly already amused by the older woman. He shook his head at the both of them. “I suppose so. But I’ll be ducking into that basket for some provisions before I go back outside.”

“Help yerself,” Mrs. Fitz called, her head in the pantry.

Jamie walked close to Claire. “Have fun.”

She looked back at him with a smile. “I have a feeling that I will.”

* * *

Claire had been thoroughly enjoying her impromptu cooking lessons with Mrs. Fitz. The woman was so kind and just had a way about her that reminded Claire of what it might be like to spend time with her mother. They’d spent the afternoon talking recipes and best cooking practices. Claire had been constantly ready for her to ask about her past. She hadn’t though. Yet.

“Can I ask ye a question?” Mrs. Fitz said as they sat at the table, waiting for their meal to bake.

“Of course.” This could be it. The moment Claire had to lie her ass off to the nicest woman she’d probably ever met.

“Ye said ye met Jamie during the war.” Claire nodded. “How did that happen?”

“Oh, um,” Claire took a breath. “How much do you know of Jamie’s time in the war?”

“I ken that Jenny was very concerned he wouldn’t come home. And that she apparently had very good reasons for believing so.”

“She was right. He...got hurt. And I met him during that time. I was a nurse and they brought him to the camp where I was stationed,” Claire told her. “He spent quite a while there as he healed and prepared to go back to war. And we...became friends. I guess you could say.”

“That must have been nice,” Mrs. Fitz replied. At Claire’s confused expression, she continued. “To have a friend, someone to turn to during a dark time like that. I would imagine that would really bond people.”

Claire felt breathless. “Yes, I suppose you’re right. While he was there, I did feel pretty reliant on him, I’ll admit.”

“I’d wager he felt the same way.” Mrs. Fitz was silent for a moment. “So is that why ye’re here?”

And there it was. Claire knew no one would let an opportunity to ask pass. Objectively, it was probably odd for Claire to be there, especially for the people who knew Jamie. He’d gone off to war a single man, a boy, really. And he’d come back alone as well. But then some woman showed up and she was staying at his home seemingly indefinitely. Who wouldn’t ask questions? That didn’t mean that Claire enjoyed answering them.

“It wasn’t why I came, but I suppose it’s why I stayed,” Claire answered, very close to the truth.

“Ye’ve had a hard life, haven’t ye?” Mrs. Fitz pressed. She had a kind face that made Claire feel like she could tell her anything.

Claire nodded, staying silent for a moment. “I lost my parents very early in my life. And then I was raised by my uncle. I went off to war, wanting to help do my part. And I did. I can say that I’ve saved people’s lives and that was important. But my uncle died during the war. And the whole world changed. So when I came back, I didn’t really have much of a life to come back to,” Claire explained. She told her story truthfully, only excluding all of Frank’s existence.

“So that brought ye to Scotland?”

Claire sighed. “I just wanted to go somewhere I’d never been before. Go somewhere where I wasn’t expected to be a certain person or even be a whole person. It was sheer coincidence that I ran into Jamie. He and Ian told me I could stay here and it’s been easy to because I don’t know what my life would hold if I went anywhere else.”

Mrs. Fitz reached over and laid her hand on Claire’s arm. “It sounds like ye’re right where ye’re supposed to be then.”

* * *

Ian walked into the kitchen, following the delicious smells wafting through the house. The first thing he saw was Claire standing by the stove, excitedly feeding Jamie a spoonful of whatever she’d cooked. Jamie’s eyes widened as he tasted it. Claire almost seemed giddy as she started explaining everything that went into it and how’d she’d done it. Jamie seemed to be feeding off her excitement as he listened to her talk. Ian took his eyes off them to see Mrs. Fitz walking toward him.

“Mrs. Fitz! How long have ye been here?” He asked, wrapping her in a hug.

“Most of the afternoon, really,” she replied.

Ian scoffed. “I canna believe these bastards didna tell me.”

“Not to worry, there’s still plenty of treats for ye too,” she said sweetly. “Besides, I helped Claire cook, and I dinna mean to brag, but it’s turned out quite well.”

“I can see from how excited those two are about it,” Ian remarked, looking back at Claire and Jamie.

“How long has Claire been here?” Mrs. Fitz asked. Ian could pretty much guess that some version of Claire’s story had already been told to her.

“She’s been here about a month, I think,” Ian replied casually.

“Those two seem...very close,” she commented.

Ian chuckled. “Well aye, they are. But that goes back further than just this past month.”

“Oh I’ve nay doubt. Especially wi’ what Claire told me about the war,” Mrs. Fitz agreed. The two of them stood there and watched as Jamie and Claire chatted, seemingly in their own little world. “Do ye think she knows?”

Ian looked over at Mrs. Fitz before looking back at Jamie and Claire. His voice dropped. “That he’s in love wi’ her?” Mrs. Fitz nodded. “Och, no, I dinna think so.”

“Do ye think he knows?”

“That he loves her?” Ian asked. “I’m sure he kens that he feels a certain way about her, but I’m no’ sure he’s let himself admit that it’s love yet.”

“That’s no’ what I meant,” Mrs. Fitz said. “Do ye think he kens that she’s in love wi’ him as well.”

Ian sighed. “So ye see it too, then?” Mrs. Fitz fixed him with a look. Ian nodded. “To answer yer question, no. I dinna think he knows.” Ian looked back to watch the two of them, still eagerly chatting with the other seemingly over nothing. “I dinna think she even knows.”

Mrs. Fitz turned to Ian. “Well they need to figure that out before she feels her time has run out here at Lallybroch.”

Ian took a deep breath. “Not to worry, Mrs. Fitz, I dinna think she’s going anywhere anytime soon.”


	6. Look Who's Coming to Dinner

Claire was nervously cleaning and she knew it, but she couldn’t stop herself. Ian had been kind enough not to bring it up. While Claire seemed nervous for Jenny’s return, Ian was elated. Claire bounced around trying to ignore her nerves while Ian bounced around giving everyone a countdown to Jenny’s arrival. 

Once Ian and Wee Jamie had left to go pick up Jenny, Claire’s nerves only grew. She held up decorations she wanted to display for approval. “Ye ken ye dinna need any of this,” Jamie reminded her. 

“I just want Jenny to have a grand homecoming,” Claire insisted, hanging up a streamer. 

“No, ye just want Jenny to like ye.” Jamie raised a brow to her. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Claire denied, taping up more streamers. 

“So this is just to welcome Jenny home and not to distract her from the fact that she’s never met ye and yet ye’ve been living in her house?” Jamie asked, crossing his arms and leaning against the bannister. 

“Fine.” Claire huffed. “You know quite well, James Fraser, that I want Jenny to like me so she’s less inclined to ask me to leave. And I know that you’ve told me time and time again that Jenny can’t kick me out because you’ll stand your ground. And I appreciate that, but I’m not going to feel like I can stay if she doesn’t like me. I also don’t want to be the reason you fight with your sister. Okay?” 

Jamie’s brows were raised, a look of surprise on his face. “Aye, I understand.” He glanced around the hall. “Perhaps this is all just giving me memories.” 

“Of your own homecoming?” Claire asked, not really needing to. Jamie nodded. “You know, I’ve never asked. What was it like coming home?” 

Jamie shrugged. “It was alright. There were plenty of times during the war when I was convinced I wouldna make it home. But I did.” Jamie sat down on the stair, a faint smile on his face. “Jenny and Ian met me at the train station. They left Young Jamie here wi’ Mrs. Fitz. They werena really sure how either of us would react to the other.” 

“You seem to get along quite well now,” Claire commented. 

“Aye, I’d say so.” 

“You’re basically his idol.” 

Jamie looked up at her. “Ye think so?” Claire nodded with a smile. “That’s kind of ye to say. I was fond of the wee lad. I didna ken much about him. He was two years old and I’d been gone his whole life. I didna ken what he’d make of me. I suppose I’ve been trying to make up for all the time I lost since I’ve been home these past seven months.” 

“I think you’re doing a fine job of it,” Claire assured him. 

“There was nothing much grand about my homecoming,” Jamie continued. “I think we were all just relieved I was here again.” 

Claire smiled with a thoughtful nod. “I can imagine. It’s quite obvious how important you are to your family.” 

Jamie shook his head, clearly unsure how to respond. He looked back at Claire. “Well how was yer homecoming?” She froze for a small moment. “Unless ye dinna want to talk of it.” 

“No, it’s fine,” Claire said with a wave of her hand, trying to stop his guilt. She sat down on the stair next to him. “It was very simple, really. Like coming home from a trip. I got into the train station in London and Frank was standing there waiting for me. He never asked me how I was. I think me being in front of him was enough proof that I was alright. Plus, I don’t think he particularly wanted to talk about the war. It was more or less all I could talk about though. And sometimes I still find myself wanting to talk about it. I wanted to know what his experiences had been. I wanted to share mine just on the off chance it kept them from my dreams. But no, he refused to speak of the war. So we never did.” 

“If ye need to speak of it, ye can wi’ me,” Jamie offered. “I ken I often say I dinna want to, but fer you, I would.” 

Claire smiled, reaching over to grasp his hand. “I appreciate that. The thing is, I know your most gruesome war stories. I know what happened to you in the war but even all these months later, I can’t say the same for Frank.” She swallowed harshly. “I wonder if it would give me insight into why he…” 

Jamie squeezed Claire’s hand where it still rested on his. “I’m sorry I asked, Sassenach.” 

She shook her head. “Don’t be. I asked first.” Claire stood up suddenly. “Okay, so I have a banner that needs hanging and you’re precisely the tall scot I need to do it.” 

Jamie rolled his eyes but held out his hand for the banner. 

* * *

“So how was Jocasta? How was America?” Ian asked as he drove. 

“Forget about that,” Jenny answered. “My brother will ask me the same thing and I’ll have to tell it all over again. No point in telling it twice. Now, how about instead, ye tell me all about the woman staying in our home.”

Ian sighed. “I canna say why I thought we’d talk about anything else.” 

“Well is she still there?” Jenny asked. 

“Aye.” 

“Ye said she’s good wi’ our lad,” Jenny pressed, leaning closer to Ian so the boy in question on the other side of her wouldn’t hear. As they’d gotten in the truck, Wee Jamie had insisted she sit in between him and his father so they could both hold her hand. She’d happily agreed. 

“Yes. He seems quite fond of her,” Ian confirmed. “Not to upset ye, but she fits in quite well at Lallybroch.” 

“Just tell me about her,” Jenny urged, seemingly ignoring his last comment. “Ye said she found herself in a spot of trouble. What does that mean?” 

Ian sighed again. “Look Jenny, I’ll tell ye the truth of Claire’s presence there, but ye canna tell another soul. And I mean it. No one.” 

Jenny’s brow furrowed as concern covered her face. “Good Lord, did she kill someone?” 

Ian laughed. “No, of course not. Though I’m no’ sure that would matter much to Jamie.” 

“Ye’re only giving me more questions, Ian Murray. How about ye get to answering some.” 

“Ye havena promised to no’ tell a soul Claire’s true story,” Ian reminded her. 

Jenny rolled her eyes. “Fine, yes. I willna tell anyone. Just tell me.” 

Ian nodded, taking a deep breath. “Alright. So Claire had a hard time of it after the war. Her husband started...well he started hurting her.” 

“She’s marrit?” Jenny asked, quite shocked. 

“Aye, yes. But she ran away from him after the last time he hurt her. They were on holiday here in Scotland and she ran from him.” 

Jenny nodded thoughtfully. “Did she search out Jamie?” 

Ian shook his head vehemently. “No.” Jenny stared at him, almost daring him to change his story. “No, I promise ye. She happened upon Lallybroch by coincidence.” 

“Does Jamie know she has a husband?” Jenny asked. 

“Of course he does. He’s known the whole time.” Ian chanced a look over at Jenny. “Why?” 

Jenny sighed. “Just the way he used to write about the nurse who saved him. I usually just thought it was because she saved his life. But the way ye talk about the two of them now, I canna help wondering if it’s more.” 

Ian swallowed past a lump in his throat. “It is.” Jenny’s head whipped over to look at him. “He’s ne’er admitted it to me, but I can see it plain as day. He’s in love wi’ her.” 

Jenny’s jaw dropped, her mouth hanging open. “But she’s marrit!” 

“To be fair, she doesna seem to want to be marrit anymore. At least not to her husband,” Ian defended. 

“Ye think she returns his feelings?” 

Ian nodded. “Ye watch them and tell me if I’m wrong. I could be. But I dinna think so.” 

“Christ, that makes everything so much more complicated,” Jenny remarked. 

“Aye, but that’s partly why I said ye canna tell a soul her story. She’s hiding from her husband who is actively trying to find her. Or at least he was. And if ye did something to send her away, I’m no’ sure yer brother would ever speak to ye again.” 

* * *

“They’re here,” Jamie called from the window. 

Claire felt her nerves ramp up again, a knot forming steadily in her stomach. She was shaking as she walked over to stand next to Jamie. He reached out to grab her hand and she flinched. 

“Sorry,” he said quickly. She shook her head. “I was just going to say that it’ll be fine, Sassenach.” 

“I know.” 

He squeezed her hand before letting it go. They could hear car doors closing and voices carrying toward the house. Jamie flashed her a reassuring smile before he walked forward to open the front door. “Janet!” he called, an excitement to his voice. “Ye’ve finally returned!” Jenny Murray’s bright laugh carried into the house as she ran forward to hug her brother. Jamie looked down at his sister. “I can see ye werena lying. Ye really are wi’ child!” 

Jenny glared at him. “They say ye show faster wi’ the second one!” 

“Well aye, apparently,” Jamie teased. 

“Jamie!” Claire scolded, reaching out to smack his arm. That drew Jenny’s attention to her. 

Jamie stepped back and put his hand behind Claire, showing her off to his sister. “Jenny, this is Claire. Claire, this is my sister, Jenny.” 

Claire held out a shaky hand to Jenny. She looked down at her hand and back up at Claire before she walked forward and drew her into a hug. Claire felt shocked as she reciprocated the hug. Jenny stepped back and looked at Claire, holding her gaze. “Claire, it is  _ so _ nice to meet ye. I heard of yer life saving skills from my brother. And then Ian raved about what a pleasant addition ye are to Lallybroch. I wanted to let ye know that ye’re more than welcome to stay here.” Claire’s eyes widened. “I ken ye already have an agreement wi’ my brother and Ian, but I wanted ye to know that I willna be making that end. Nothing has to change wi’ my return. And I can promise ye, yer secret's safe wi’ me.” 

Claire brought Jenny into another hug, this time one of relief and thankfulness. “Thank you,” she whispered, her voice hoarse with emotion. 

“I told ye nothing would change,” Jamie said, interrupting the moment. 

Claire pulled back and glared at him. “Shut up,” she said simply. She looked back at Jenny. “I mean it. Thank you.” 

Jenny waved her off. “No’ a problem. And if ye get tired of wearing my clothes,” Jenny said, clearly noticing her own dress on Claire, “I can go find some stuff that will be jus’ yers. Of course, I canna fit in my own clothes presently, so ye’re fine wearing all I have.” 

“You Frasers and Murrays are far too kind,” Claire responded, shaking her head in awe. Jenny smiled. “Well just know that I have dinner taken care of. I pushed Jamie to try and remember what your favorite dish is so we’ll be taking care of everything. All you should do after being gone for so long is spend time with your family.” 

Jenny shook her head. “I canna ask ye to do that. I can cook too!” 

“Nope, your help is not needed. If I need help, I’ll call Jamie in,” Claire promised. 

“Ye ken I’m her family too. Shouldn’t I be spending time wi’ her as well?” Jamie asked. 

“Really?” Claire asked. “You can’t spare a few minutes? You really won’t help me? What if I burn my hand on something because I’m juggling too many things and I need an extra pair of hands?” 

“Then ye wouldna be Mrs. Fitz’s prized student,” Jamie retorted. Claire stared at him helplessly. Jenny looked between the two of them. Finally, he grinned. “If ye burnt yer hand, then I’d put yer wee salve on them. Just like ye used to do for me.” 

Claire scoffed. “Or you could just come if I call and we could avoid that step all together.” She reached out and laid a hand on his arm. “It won’t be the whole time and it certainly won’t be for a while yet.” 

Jamie nodded. “I was just teasing ye, Sassenach. I’m happy to help.” 

“I also can,” Jenny added. 

“No!” Claire and Jamie said in unison. Claire grinned at him before she walked back towards the kitchen. 

* * *

Claire worked dutifully in the kitchen, feeling the pressure to create a perfect dinner. Occasionally Jamie wandered in, asking if she needed help. Apparently he  _ had _ only been joking before. Each time Claire shooed him away, saying she didn’t need him yet. She left the kitchen for a quick moment to grab something and was touched by the sight in the living room. It seemed each member of the family was simply ecstatic that Jenny had returned. Claire could tell how at ease everyone felt just by being together. A yearning bloomed in Claire’s heart, knowing she’d never had that before and knowing she probably never would. Shaking her head, she walked away from the scene before her and went back to her work. 

One of the first things Claire had learned upon her stay at Lallybroch was that dinner was always at the same time every evening. Jamie told her that Jenny and Ian claimed it was for Wee Jamie’s sake, but it had more or less been that way even before he was born. Twenty minutes before dinner time, Claire had called Jamie in to assist her and they were making sure everything was in place. 

Claire was scooping potatoes into a serving bowl when she heard a faint knock at the door. Looking over at Jamie, she raised a brow. He shrugged, turning back to his task of plating the vegetables. They heard an excited shriek from the hallway and paused their work to see what was going on. 

Jenny wrapped her arms tightly around the new guest, happily saying how much she’d missed the other person. Claire looked over at Jamie, irritation and concern on her face. “Why is Laoghaire here?” 

Jamie sighed heavily. “I canna say. I thought this dinner was just to be family.” 

“Well, and me,” Claire added. 

“Uh...sure. Obviously,” Jamie replied, shaking his head as he walked back in the kitchen. 

They were putting the rest of the food on serving dishes when Ian walked into the kitchen, his head hung low. He cleared his throat. “You should, uh, prepare for another guest.” 

“We canna do so,” Jamie answered. “Claire made  _ exactly _ enough for four adults and one child. She’s that precise,” he lied. 

Ian rolled his eyes at his brother in law. “Dinna lie. Jenny sent me in here to tell ye. Dinna take it out on me, alright?” 

“Why is Laoghaire even here?” Jamie asked. 

Ian sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. “Apparently she saw us drive home today and when Jenny left she promised that Laoghaire would be welcome to dinner when she got back. The lass invited herself over today and Jenny told her she could stay.” 

Claire reached out and laid a hand on Jamie’s arm. “It’s fine. We have plenty of food. The more the merrier, right?” 

Ian nodded with a grin. Jamie shook his head. “I dinna think that will be applying to her.” 

“Like I said, dinna kill the messenger,” Ian reminded, leaving them to finish preparing the meal. 

Jamie huffed as he put the rest of the vegetables on the serving plate. Claire walked over and stood next to him at the counter. “It’s just one extra person,” she offered. “It’ll be alright, Jamie.” 

“I realize it’s jus’ one more person. But I was rather hoping that Jenny would get to know ye over dinner,” Jamie told her. “Ye’ve spent most of the afternoon working or hiding in here and I want my sister to ken who ye are.” 

Claire couldn’t help but smile at his sentiment. “That’s very sweet. And it could still happen. I know I’d like to get to know her as well.” 

“I’m glad ye think so, but it willna happen if Laoghaire’s here. She will demand everyone’s attention. It’s jus’ the type of lass she is,” Jamie informed her. 

She shrugged in reply. “Well then it’s a good thing I’m not that interesting anyway,” Claire replied with a smirk. 

Jamie grinned as he shook his head at her. He picked up a platter and gestured toward the dining room. “Shall we?” 

Claire picked up the platter with the roast, her pride and joy, before meeting Jamie with a nod. “Let’s do it.” She could hear a gale of laughter coming from the dining room. Stealing one last look at Jamie, she shouldered open the door and walked in, head held high. “Who’s ready for dinner?” she called, holding up her tray. 

Ian, Wee Jamie, and Jenny looked over at her with excitement on their faces. The same could not be said for Laoghaire. She stared at Claire with a mixture of confusion and anger. “What are ye doing here?” she asked bluntly. Claire looked at Jamie, trying to think of an explanation. But Laoghaire continued. “I thought ye’d be gone by now.” 

“What gave ye that idea?” Jamie asked, walking forward and setting his platter down. He turned around and walked back to the kitchen to grab more food. Claire delicately sat down her own tray, still wondering what to say to Laoghaire. They hadn’t really given her a believable story the last time she’d come around. 

“Claire is visiting,” Ian had said in offer of a weak explanation. 

Jamie walked back in with the last two plates in his hand. “Aye,” he agreed. 

“I suppose I just figured ye’d be gone once Jenny got home,” Laoghaire said. “There’s really not any need for ye here with Jenny back.” 

Claire bit back the insults readily coming to her mind. “That makes it seem as though we only had Claire here because she was a woman and would take up duties around the home. But alas, Claire is here because we want her here,” Jamie argued. Claire stared down at the table, unable to meet anyone’s gaze. 

“Shall we eat?” Jenny asked, a note of nervousness in her tone. 

“Yes, let’s!” Claire agreed. 

Jenny and Ian quickly assumed their places at either end of the table, with Wee Jamie sitting to Jenny’s left. Jamie, Claire, and Laoghaire stood for a moment in hesitation, trying to decide where to sit. Jamie cleared his throat. “Laoghaire, why don’t ye sit there next to Wee Jamie?” He took his place to Jenny’s left, gesturing for Claire to sit next to him. 

“But I wanted to sit by Claire!” Wee Jamie cried. 

Claire placed a hand over her heart, truly touched by the boy. Laoghaire’s eyes widened, clearly wanting to take the place next to Jamie. Ian shook his head, seeing the conflicted look on Jamie’s face. “Ye sit by Claire at every meal, Wee Jamie,” Ian reminded him. “Sometimes ye even sit on her lap.” 

Jenny burst out laughing. “Oh, Claire, I’m so sorry.” Claire waved her off and laughed as well. 

“I’m sure one meal willna kill ye to no’ sit next to Claire,” Ian assured his son. 

Jamie nodded eagerly, stepping to pull Claire’s chair out for her. She nodded in thanks before sitting down. It was hard to miss the daggers Laoghaire was shooting her way. Serving the food proved to be a good distraction from her glares. 

“So Jenny, tell us all about what it was like in North Carolina,” Claire said, striking up conversation. “I’ve heard it’s beautiful there.” 

Jenny smiled as she fixed a plate for her son. “Oh it was. It was so bonny there. Aunt Jocasta had a home near the mountains and it was jus’ breathtaking. Honestly, it reminded me of Scotland,” she mused. 

“Perhaps that’s why ye stayed so long,” Jamie teased. “Ye forgot ye werena here.” 

Jenny shook her head, reaching out to smack him on the arm. “Oh perhaps ye’ve cracked it.” 

“How is your aunt doing now?” Laoghaire asked. “That was just so generous of ye to go and take care of her. Not many people would give up their time to do something like that.” 

Jenny waved off Laoghaire’s statements. “I wouldna say it was much. I wasna like Claire who devoted her life to nursing others back to health,” Jenny said, smiling toward Claire. “But I think she’s doing well enough. I helped her find some caretakers who will be of good help.” Laoghaire opened her mouth to reply, but Jenny kept speaking. “So, Claire, Jamie told me ye grew up all over the world. That must have been terribly fascinating.” 

Claire looked over at Jenny, not missing the smile on Jamie’s face as she looked past him. “It was. My uncle was an archaeologist and he raised me all over the world. I may not have had a traditional childhood, but it was certainly well rounded. I got to see so much and I’m still quite grateful for that.” 

“Wow, that’s something,” Laoghaire replied. “Do ye ever worry that having a childhood like that makes ye unfit to settle down and marry?” 

Claire choked on her drink. She looked around the table quickly to see the others’ reactions. They also seemed to be stunned. “Uh, no,” Claire answered. “I can’t say that’s been my experience. I would love to settle down. The war kind of prevented me from it.” 

“I’d say ye’re experiences as a child must have made ye perfectly fit to give up yer whole life to go take care of others during the war,” Jamie jumped in, smiling at Claire. 

“I suppose it might have,” she agreed. “I was already used to bouncing around.” 

Claire chanced a glance over at Laoghaire. She could see the frustration in her failed attempt to undermine her. 

“So, Wee Jamie, ye havena told me what ye’ve been up to in the time yer Mam’s been away,” Jenny prompted her son. 

His face lit up as he was finally acknowledged in the grown ups’ conversation. “Miss Claire has been teaching me all about the garden!” Claire blushed at his excitement. She had really grown quite fond of the boy. 

Jenny nodded with a grin. “Yes, I heard about that. And why is it ye never cared to garden wi’ me?” 

The boy shrugged. “Ooh, I found a snail! It was a lot smaller than I wanted it to be.” The table laughed at the boy’s comments. “And Miss Claire told me some people eat them! Isn’t that so gross, Mam?” 

Jenny chuckled at her son. “I canna say I’ve had them, lad. Some people may enjoy it.” 

“Well I tried to eat it but Claire wouldna let me,” the boy informed her. 

“Because it was still alive, Sweetheart,” Claire reminded him. “That would have been rather disgusting.” 

Jenny laughed loudly at the image the story presented. “Claire, I almost feel I need to apologize to ye. Keeping this one from eating things he shouldna be, keeping the other two alive,” she mused. “We’re lucky ye dropped by.” 

Jamie looked over and met Claire’s gaze. “Aye, we are.” 

“Tis a shame ye’ll be leaving soon,” Laoghaire added. 

All eyes were on her. “And why do you think that?” Claire asked. 

“Well this isna yer family,” she pointed out. “Eventually the Murrays will want their lives to go back to normal. And ye arena normally here, I’m afraid. At some point yer welcome will expire and ye’ll have to tottle on home to dirty old England.” 

“Laoghaire!” Jamie interjected. “Ye arena a part of this family. Dinna go around commenting on things ye know naught of.” 

“It’s just a fact, Jamie,” Laoghaire said, gesturing with her wine glass. “That’s all. She’s a sassenach and well beyond her boundaries. Eventually, she’s going to leave.” 

“Perhaps that’s true,” Claire said, wishing her voice sounded stronger, “but I’m lucky enough that the Murrays don’t seem to have set a date on it.” 

“Aye,” Ian replied. “Nor will we. Everyone heals at different speeds.” 

Jamie’s eyes widened as he stared at Ian. He picked up his glass and took a long drink as he returned Jamie’s gaze. It was obvious he was worried that he gave too much away. 

“And what are ye healing from then, Claire?” Laoghaire asked bluntly. 

“The war,” Claire choked out. “Like most of the world is.” Laoghaire started to roll her eyes. “It may have ended seven months ago, but the effects of such an event will be felt for years, especially by those who lived it. I may not have fought in it, like Ian and Jamie, but I saw it. I know what it’s like to sew wounds back together that the human mind cannot even fathom. I know how to prepare when a bomb has gone off and massive casualties will be pouring into camp, all needing medical attention. I know how it feels to hold a soldier’s hand and reassure him that he can handle what the war will throw at him, even if both parties know you’re lying. I know what it’s like to be scared out of your mind that you’ll be the next camp under attack just for trying to help a certain side.” 

Silence filled the room in the wake of Claire’s defense. Jamie reached under the table, laying a hand on Claire’s knee. She put her hand over his, squeezing it. He was the soldier she’d mentioned, though she wouldn’t grant Laoghaire that knowledge. 

Finally Jenny cleared her throat. “I dinna ken how any of ye do it. Sometimes it was hard enough just being here and waiting for everyone to come home. And we weren’t out in the thick of it.” Jenny locked eyes with Claire. “Ye’re so brave, Claire.” 

Claire nodded once, not really wanting to speak of it much more. “I’m not as brave as these two,” she said, deflecting. Without a doubt, she knew Jamie would end the talk of the war. He didn’t like to talk of it much himself. 

He glanced at her quickly, understanding her comment for what it was. “So ye said Jocasta was in good spirits?” Jamie asked, looking at Jenny. “Did ye ever bring up the idea of moving her back to Scotland?” 

“Of course, right away, I did. She refused. She assured me she’d built up too much of a reputation in North Carolina and she couldn’t leave,” Jenny informed him. “Whatever that means.” 

“So Claire,” Laoghaire started, taking advantage of a brief silence. Claire could hear Jamie huff next to her. She reached over and laid a hand on his arm. “How is it that ye’ve just abandoned yer life for so long?” 

“Well I suppose it helps that I didn’t have much of a life to come back to after the war,” Claire answered. “While I’m here, I’m trying to pick up some skills that will be helpful to me later.” Claire saw her moment and decided to take it. But Jamie beat her to the punch. 

“Aye, that’s why yer Grannie has been teaching Claire how to cook. Well, how to cook even better than she already does. As we can see, she’s a fair cook on her own,” he praised. They both noticed the moment Laoghaire processed that her own grandmother had been spending a good amount of time with Claire as well. 

“Ah, I see. Sometimes the woman, no matter her good intentions, can be a bit batty,” the girl replied. 

“She seemed quite wi’ it when she was sharing all her best recipes wi’ Claire just yesterday,” Jamie retorted before taking a sip of his drink. 

Jenny had a concerned look on her face at the end of the table. “Ah, how I miss yer Grannie,” Jenny said, clearly attempting to steer the conversation. “I’ll have to stop by tomorrow and see her. It’s been too long.” 

It was another long and uncomfortable hour before Laoghaire finally left. Claire was standing at the sink, washing the dishes while Jamie dried them. Jenny and Ian were sitting at the table, all of them silent. Finally Jenny spoke. “Claire, dinner was delicious. Thank ye so much. Ye truly didna have to do it.” 

“It was my pleasure,” Claire said with a faint smile. The evening had shaken her more than she’d expected. Once Jenny had seemed to like her, Claire had planned on the evening going well with the two of them getting to know the other. But with the addition of Laoghaire, she’d spent the evening defending herself and talking around her secret. 

“Okay, ye men ken her as well, I have to ask,” Jenny started, “did Laoghaire seem odd to ye tonight?” 

Jamie gaped at her. “Are ye serious? I’m surprised she didna resort to throwing food at Claire like a child. She was a brat.” 

Jenny scoffed. “I wouldna say she was a brat. She just seemed...off, perhaps. Like something was bothering her.” 

“Well I can tell ye exactly what it was,” Jamie replied. Jenny looked surprised at the intensity of his tone. “Twas Claire.” 

“Jamie -” Claire started. 

“Dinna lie, Sassenach, ye ken that’s exactly what it was,” Jamie insisted. “Ian, tell them.” 

Ian scrunched up his face, trying to avoid this conversation. Jenny nodded for him to continue. “Aye, twas Claire.” 

“Oh, come on!” Claire cried. 

“She seemed like she was in a fine mood when she walked in the door and when we chatted in the dining room,” Ian told them, “but once ye and Jamie walked in,  _ together _ , she changed completely.” 

“Well why would that matter?” Jenny asked. 

Jamie stared at her. “Really? Do ye no’ remember anything ye say?” Jenny held up her hands in question. “Ye promised me to the lass.” 

“What?” Jenny laughed. “I would never. When would I have done that? The two of you dinna even talk. And after tonight, I think that would be a bit crazy. Every time she spoke ye were yelling at her about something.” 

“Perhaps I was just trying to set her straight in the least uncomfortable way I could,” Jamie decided. 

“Sure, because it was definitely comfortable,” Claire sassed. 

Jamie glared at her. “Please, half the time I was defending ye.” 

“I know,” Claire said, handing him another dish. 

“Why do you think I promised ye to Laoghaire?” Jenny asked again. Jamie stared at Ian, prompting him to tell his wife the same story he’d shared before. Ian sighed before looking over at Jenny and retelling the day from over a year ago. Jenny’s mouth hung open as Ian concluded. “I said that?” Ian nodded. “Well Christ, I dinna even remember it. Why would she?” 

“Because apparently, she has an all consuming love for Jamie,” Claire helped. “And I suppose when some random woman shows up at Lallybroch, her instinct is to mark her territory, as it were.” Jamie looked over at her. Claire quickly looked down at the bowl in her hand as she continued. “Even if that’s a silly notion.” 

“Aye, silly indeed,” Jenny agreed. “I mean ye take one look around here and it’s obvious that -” the sound of a smack cut Jenny off and made Claire and Jamie turn to look at her. She and Ian were exchanging a meaningful look. “It’s obvious,” she continued, “that Jamie isna ready to marry.” 

Jamie’s brow furrowed as he looked at his sister and brother-in-law. “Aye,” he said with a speculative tone. “Then perhaps ye should clear that up wi’ yer friend.” 

Jenny sighed. “Fine.” She stood up, stretching her arms above her. “But later. I started my morning on the other side of the world, so I think I’m going to bed. Good night, all. Thanks again for dinner, Claire.” 

Claire nodded with a smile, choosing to stay at the sink with her sudsy hands in the water. 

“Tis good to have ye back, Janet,” Jamie said, wrapping her in a hug. “Sleep well.” 

Ian walked out of the kitchen with her, picking up a sleeping Wee Jamie on his way up the stairs. Together, Jamie and Claire stayed in the kitchen to finish cleaning everything. Once their task was complete, they sat at the table, sharing a dram. 

“I’m sorry the lass acted that way towards ye tonight,” Jamie said, looking at her with an earnest expression. 

“It wasn’t your fault.” 

“Wasn’t it though?” he asked with a chuckle. 

“I suppose we can’t help who we attract to us,” Claire teased. 

Jamie laughed with her. “I think it would depress me if that bratty lass was the only one I attracted though.” 

Claire watched him for a moment. “I’m sure that’s not the case,” she replied before taking a sip of her whisky. Jamie stared at her for a long time, a question in his eyes. He never asked it, though, and they sat in silence. 

“Do you think we’ll ever get to a point where the war is just nothing?” Claire asked. “Just a non-event from our past?” 

Jamie’s brow furrowed as he thought on her question. “Perhaps. I’m no’ sure if it will ever be such a thing for me.” 

“Because of your scars?” 

“No.” 

Claire wondered why he was suddenly being evasive. “Then why?” 

Jamie took a deep breath. “Because it’s where I met ye.” 

* * *

_ Claire stood watching as Dr. Campbell evaluated Jamie. He was testing his strength and reflexes while also appraising the healing of his back. The doctor was smiling as he wrote on his clipboard. She hated the knot in her stomach at what was obviously good news. How could she be so selfish? It was supposed to be a good thing that Jamie was healthy enough to return to the front. But to Claire, it felt like the end of something big, something she couldn’t fully confront. Jamie looked back at her nervously and she plastered on a fake smile for him. He could never know that she secretly wanted him to not be well enough to leave.  _

_ Dr. Campbell clicked his tongue and put his pen back in his pocket. “Well Fraser, I have good news for you.” Jamie turned around to look at him. His expression was tense as he nodded for the doctor to continue. “I believe I can clear you to go back into the field. I’m sure your regiment will be more than happy to welcome you back.”  _

_ Jamie reached out and shook the man’s hand. “Ye’re right, sir, that is good news.”  _

_ Claire excused herself and walked out of the medical tent. She couldn’t process the things she was feeling. As a nurse who’d seen the wreckage of his back when he arrived, she should be thrilled that he’d come far enough along to return to duty. But Claire wasn’t thinking as a nurse. She was terrified for her friend. And she was a bit terrified for herself as well. Jamie had been her link to sanity in the time he’d been there. In the years before he arrived, she’d managed, but not well. As she’d distracted Jamie from his pain, he’d done the same for her. What would happen when he left and she was forced to confront the feelings she’d tamped down? What would come up after his comforting presence had disappeared? _

_ Claire shook her head. It was wrong. She felt ashamed of the thoughts running through her head. Walking further from the tent, she decided to give him some space for the day. It wouldn’t do to taint the joy he was surely feeling with her own concerns.  _

_ Late that night, Claire was asleep on her cot. “Nurse Randall!” someone yelled, dragging her from a surprisingly deep sleep. She opened her eyes, feeling groggy. “We need you.”  _

_ “What’s going on?” she asked drowsily.  _

_ “It’s him.”  _

_ “Who?”  _

_ “Fraser. Your guy.”  _

_ That got Claire’s attention. She was up and past Nurse Smith in a flash. Running toward the medical tent in nothing but her night shirt, she had little care for anyone’s looks. She froze as she reached the tent, looking around for him. He was nowhere to be found. His cot was empty. Nurse Miller looked up and caught her gaze, flagging her over.  _

_ Claire ran over to see what was going on. What could be wrong with Jamie? There was concern on each nurse’s face, but if something were gravely wrong, they’d be fixing it. Or at least trying to. Why had they called on her in the middle of the night? Was it only because it was Jamie?  _

_ “He won’t talk to any of us,” Miller informed her. “We thought maybe he’d talk to you.”  _

_ Claire looked down and saw Jamie curled in on himself, rocking back and forth. Her heart broke. In the hours since she’d seen him, she’d only been thinking of her own pain at the news. It never occurred to her that he might have a hard time with it as well. “Give him some space,” she demanded, kneeling down to meet his eye level. “Fraser, I’m here.” He didn’t look up as he still rocked. Claire reached out and laid her hands on his arms where they clutched his knees. “Jamie, it’s me. It’s Claire.” The rocking slowed, but didn’t stop. “You’re okay. You’re safe. I promise. You can talk to me. You know that.”  _

_ He stopped rocking, picking his head up slightly to peer over his arms. His blue eyes met hers and she held his stare, making sure he knew she wasn’t leaving. Peeking off the the side, he glanced at the other nurses.  _

_ “I’ve got this sorted,” Claire announced. “Surely you have other patients to look after.” They got the message and left the two of them alone. Claire inched closer to Jamie, her hands tightening on his. “What’s wrong?” she asked timidly.  _

_ Jamie was silent for a long time. Claire worried that even their bond wouldn’t be enough to comfort him in whatever he was feeling. She ran a hand along his arms, trying to soothe him.  _

_ “Claire,” he whispered after several minutes of silence between them.  _

_ “Yes? What is it, Jamie?”  _

_ She saw the tears glimmering in his eyes seconds before they fell. He clenched his hands tighter around his knees, curling further into himself. “I canna do it.”  _

_ “You can’t do what?” Claire pressed.  _

_ He looked back up at her, a vulnerability about him that she’d never seen before. There was pure fear in his eyes as he started to speak. “I can’t go back.”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the continued support of this fic! I really appreciate reading all your comments! I know I'm terrible at replying, but I read them and reread them and it makes me feel so touched!


	7. Getting the Truth

_ Claire stared at Jamie, noting the fear on his face. His body was tense as sweat dripped from his shirt. She ran a hand hesitantly against his shoulder. “What do you mean?”  _

_ He shook his head at her. “I canna go back, Claire. I canna do it. If I go back…” he cut himself off. She knew what he would say. If he wasn’t mentally prepared to return to the war, there was a strong chance he could panic at the wrong moment and perish. Suddenly, she was terrified just like he was.  _

_ Claire looked around the tent nervously. Nurse Miller and Nurse Smith had followed her order and left them alone. Most other patients seemed to be asleep. Still, the walls of the tent seemed too close on them. “Come with me,” Claire said, standing up and offering her hand. _

_ He looked up at her, unsure. “Where are we going?”  _

_ “Away,” was all she said.  _

_ Without a word, he grabbed her hand and let her help him up. She led them out of the medical tent and into a small forest just on the outskirts of the army camp.  _

_ “You’re right,” she said, “you can’t go back. Not in this state.”  _

_ Jamie was still very quiet as he nodded in agreement. “There’s no way around it. I’ve been cleared.”  _

_ “Look, I know Campbell. I’ve been here for two years and he doesn’t care what sort of mental state men are in. He just sends them back,” Claire informed him.  _

_ “So ye’re saying there’s no hope? I’ll just have to return?” Jamie asked, fear clear on his face. He turned away from her and started to pace within the trees.  _

_ “There’s something we could do, but it would be risky. Very risky,” Claire told him. He turned around and stared at her. “We can make it look as though you’re not ready to go back. Maybe if you faced a physical setback, you wouldn’t be able to return to combat yet.”  _

_ Jamie took a deep breath, his face tense. “Ye mean to reopen my back?”  _

_ “God, no!” Claire cried, walking towards him. “I would never do that. We just need to make it look like it reopened.”  _

_ Jamie’s brow furrowed. “Well how would ye do that?”  _

_ A small smirk formed on Claire’s face. “I picked up some handy tricks in my travels with my uncle. I know how some things smear and give the appearances of blood or injury. I met a very fascinating woman who taught me all sorts of things while my uncle was working on a dig. Berries, wildflowers, mud. It’s like mixing paint.”  _

_ Jamie frowned, watching her. “And ye think it would make it look real? That it would buy me some time to get my head right?”  _

_ Claire stepped forward, reaching out to place her hands on his shoulders. “Jamie, your head is right. The things you’ve seen, the horrors you’ve lived through are unimaginable. Dr. Campbell has no idea what it means to be a soldier in a war like this. Neither do I. If you were truly unaffected and could just run back out, that would be what concerned me. That is what would make your head not right.”  _

_ Jamie nodded silently, looking down at the ground. They stood there, neither of them speaking for a long moment. “And ye’d risk this for me?” Jamie whispered. His eyes flicked up to look at her.  _

_ Claire nodded insistently. “Yes. Yes, I would.”  _

_ “Why?”  _

_ There were many answers she could give him. Some were fine reasons and some of them scared her. Should she admit that she had been wishing he didn’t have to leave? Probably not. But she didn’t think it would hurt for him to know how much just his friendship had improved her mood every day that he’d been there.  _

_ Claire swallowed past the lump in her throat. “Because you’re a good man, Jamie. You deserve time to heal all of you and not just your back.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “But also because you’ve been a good friend to me in the time that you’ve been here. Your presence has helped make it all seem easier.”  _

_ Jamie flashed her a small smile. “I appreciate that. I would say the same is true for ye.”  _

_ Claire nodded her appreciation. “Wait here,” she instructed. “We’ll have to do this in secret. I’m going to go gather some things. I know I saw a patch of wild berries nearby. I had to talk someone out of eating them. Give me a moment.”  _

_ They sat out in the darkness for a long time that night as Claire attempted to make it seem like Jamie had re-injured himself. It would be a risky endeavor. They were silent as she worked, delicately rubbing a mixture of mashed berries and mud onto his back to resemble blood and scabs. She knew the mud would dry and give a crusty look. Her only hope was when the berry juice dried, it retained the color needed to sell the concoction as blood. Neither of them addressed the fact that if it didn’t work, Jamie would be sent back to the front before he was mentally ready and Claire might be discharged from the British Army.  _

_ The night sky was growing lighter when Claire finally finished and allowed Jamie to pull his shirt back down. Hopefully they could both get at least a few hours of sleep before Claire had to face Dr. Campbell. Slowly, they walked back to the medical tent together. Claire stuck her head in and peered around. Everything seemed still. She nodded to Jamie. They shared a look before he went to lay down on his cot and she parted to go to her tent. Both of them knew that the next time they saw the other, they’d be knee deep in lies.  _

_ Claire slept fitfully for another couple of hours before she was roused for her early morning rounds. She carefully schooled her face so no one knew something was amiss. Jamie was asleep on his stomach when she approached his cot. Delicately, Claire lifted up his shirt to see how the manufactured injuries looked in the light of day. She had to give herself some credit; it looked better than she’d expected. The dried berry juice certainly had a blood-like appearance where it had run down his back.  _

_ “How’s it look?” Jamie croaked quietly to her.  _

_ Her eyes flitted to his for a second, a nod quickly following. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?” she demanded in a louder voice than necessary. Other nurses were moving about the tent and she wanted to sell their ruse.  _

_ Jamie caught her eye and adopted the appropriate attitude. “I didna want to bother ye. Look, it was an accident, Nurse Randall, I promise ye.”  _

_ “Fraser, with your back reopened, you won’t be able to go back yet,” Claire announced. “Is that why you didn’t tell me? Because you wanted to return?”  _

_ “Ye ken I’ve wanted to return to my unit for a long time now,” Jamie said. “It was a stupid accident, but I can return to them. If we can just clean up the blood then -”  _

_ “We’ll have to consult Dr. Campbell. He won’t want to set you loose like this,” Claire told him. She was doing her best to keep her grin to herself. “Wait here,” she instructed.  _

_ Claire wandered off to find Dr. Campbell, hoping against hope that he would believe their elaborate lie. She found the doctor as he was dismissing another nurse. He released a sigh as he turned. “Dr. Campbell,” Claire called, flagging him down. The man looked tired.  _

_ “What is it, Randall?”  _

_ “It’s about Fraser,” Claire explained. “He’s reopened some of the wounds on his back. He won’t tell me how he did so, only saying it was an accident. He wouldn’t have told me at all if I hadn’t checked his back this morning on my rounds.”  _

_ Dr. Campbell sighed again, running a hand down his face. “Wasn’t he the one we just cleared to go back?”  _

_ “Yes, he was, Sir.”  _

_ “These bloody soldiers,” Dr. Campbell complained with a shake of his head. “They think they’re bloody invincible don’t they?” Claire nodded, choosing to stay silent. “Look, Randall, you’ve been his nurse this whole time. I’m putting this on you.” Claire opened her mouth to argue but the man kept talking. “You make sure that man’s wounds are closed and properly healed again. If that had happened or if he’d been monitored in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened. I don’t have the time to check and then recheck every soldier who comes through here. That’s your job, Nurse. So when you think he’s ready to be sent back into combat and is actually strong and healed enough to do so, you tell me and I’ll see if I give my approval. But you need to do everything you can to make sure he is ready to leave. His job is out there. Ours is in here. Do you understand me?”  _

_ Claire felt timid but nodded.  _

_ “Good, now go,” Campbell demanded.  _

_ She nodded again as she turned and left. It didn’t process until after she was several feet from Campbell that she’d actually gotten her wish. Better than that, Campbell left it up to her when Jamie would be cleared to leave. She was the only one Jamie would admit his problems to and now she was the only one to clear him. It was almost shocking that Campbell didn’t want to check Jamie’s wounds (fake wounds, she reminded) himself. She wouldn’t press the matter though. Her elaborate lie had worked and now Jamie was given the time to truly heal. A smile started to grow on her face as she weaved between tents.  _

_ “I know what you did,” a voice said to her before Claire walked back into the medical tent.  _

_ Claire turned to see Nurse Smith glaring at her. “Excuse me?”  _

_ “I just heard that Fraser isn’t getting discharged after all. I know it’s because of you. Miller and I were there last night. Do you really think we’re that dumb?” _

_ Claire stepped closer to the other nurse. “Yes, you were there last night. Tell me, do you think the man down on the ground who couldn’t even speak to you was ready to return to combat? You don’t actually know any of what I’ve done. And more than that, I know what you’ve done with Dr. Carpenter.” The other woman’s eyes went wide as she took a step back from Claire. “You think you’re sneaky about it, but I’ve walked in on the pair of you at least twice now. Do you think there aren’t people here who’d care about that? Or maybe your husband?”  _

_ Nurse Smith glared at her. “You’re one to talk. At least I have the decency to try and hide it. You’re out in the open with Fraser.”  _

_ “That’s nothing. Nothing has happened,” Claire defended. “You don’t know what you think you know.”  _

_ “So maybe nothing romantic has happened between the two of you,” Smith conceded, “but you lied to Campbell. And Miller and I both know that.”  _

_ “You keep your secrets and I’ll keep mine, how about that?” Claire offered. “It would really be a shame if everyone knew what you do in your down time. Or rather...who.”  _

_ “You could get discharged.”  _

_ “So could you,” Claire retorted. “At least if I was, I’d go home knowing it was because I was fighting for my patient’s best interest. Could you say the same?”  _

_ Smith ground her teeth, fighting back the things she’d like to say to Claire. She shook her head as she stepped closer. “Fine, I’ll keep it to myself. But I’m keeping my eye on you, Randall. You claim that nothing has happened. Let’s hope that’s truly the case.”  _

_ Claire rolled her eyes and turned her back on the other nurse. She walked back into the medical tent in the direction of Jamie’s cot. Nurse Smith didn’t rattle her as much as the woman wanted to. But Claire couldn’t deny the tenuous agreement between the two of them did concern her. She paused a few feet from Jamie’s cot and watched him.  _

_ There wasn’t really a word that could truly define what it was between her and Jamie. She was reliant on him. He made her feel whole in a time when she didn’t think it was possible. Nothing had ever happened between them romantically, as Smith had alluded. But perhaps there was something equally dangerous between them. Without even a second thought, Claire had put her career and future at risk just to take care of him. In the four years she’d been at war, she’d never done something even remotely close for another patient. And there wasn’t an ounce of regret within her for what she’d done. He needed time to heal and that’s what she’d given him. No one, not even Jamie, had to know that she’d also done it for herself. It wasn’t anyone’s business that she was scared of how things would be for her if he wasn’t there anymore. That time would come, but it wasn’t now.  _

_ Shaking her head, she stepped forward, closer to Jamie’s cot. Claire knelt down so she was at eye level with him. His concerned blue eyes locked on hers, asking so many questions without words. “I’m afraid, Fraser, that you won’t be able to return at the end of the week as originally promised,” she said in a steady voice. Jamie schooled his face to show only disappointment, though she knew how he really felt. “Because of the damage done and the fragile injuries, I’m afraid we’ll have to keep you for a bit longer to make sure they are truly healed before you return to combat.”  _

_ Jamie nodded, swallowing past a lump in his throat. “I understand,” he replied. Claire stood up to go, but Jamie grabbed her hand. She looked back down at him. “Thank you,” he mouthed.  _

_ Claire grabbed his hand where it held onto hers. “Don’t mention it.”  _

* * *

She’d been in her bed for easily an hour, but Claire couldn’t sleep. Her last conversation with Jamie kept playing through her head. What had he meant by his comment? She’d laughed it off and quickly excused herself in the moment as she was completely unsure of how to reply. But now that she was alone, her mind was spiralling. 

It was obvious that Jamie cared for her. He’d allowed her to stay, even suggested it, when she’d showed up at his door after a year. She knew that he was worried about Frank finding her. The thing was that she’d always assumed that stemmed from her own fear of it. Could it be from something else? Could there be a different reason why he insisted she stay? 

What had Jamie been saying when he said that the war would never be nothing because it’s where he met her? Had he been alluding to something more? Should she have pressed him on it? Claire’s mind was running around in circles, never letting her calm down. 

There was a word that her mind was blocking that might be the root of Jamie’s statement. Every time she tried to ponder on what it could mean, she came back to that one word, but she couldn’t let herself think it. There was no place in her situation for feelings like that. It was true that Claire’s feelings for Frank had changed the first time he’d hit her. There wasn’t love there anymore. If anything, it was fear, anger, and hatred. But was she in a place where she could feel love for someone else? 

She wasn’t so sure. 

Jamie was a good man. Without a doubt, he was the best man she’d ever known. There was no denying the lengths they’d gone to protect the other. He was making up for all she’d done for him during the war. It would be easy to love Jamie. Too easy. But to admit that she felt it for him would mean she had to admit that it probably went back further. And no matter what, she wasn’t ready to confront that. 

It had been during their holiday to Scotland that Frank had not so subtly asked if she’d been unfaithful during the war. No matter what had happened between Jamie and Claire while he was healing, she hadn’t lied when she assured him she’d been faithful. There was no way of knowing if Frank had actually believed her. But her mind had quickly presented Jamie to her in the moment Frank asked. She hadn’t cheated, but another man had been her solace during her time as a combat nurse. Frank didn’t need to know that. But perhaps it was time Claire figured out what that really meant for herself. 

Her sleep had come but it wasn’t restful by any means. The next day, she clutched a mug of coffee in her hand as she stared out the kitchen window, far too many thoughts still swirling around her head. 

“Thinking abou’ the real world?” Jamie asked, startling her. 

Claire jumped and turned to face him. There was no way she could admit that, no, she’d been thinking about him. His statement from the night before had turned all her thoughts to him and what she felt. But until she knew for sure, she couldn’t tell him such a thing. Claire flashed him a small smile as she took a drink of her coffee. “Something like that,” she replied. Looking back out the window, she continued, “Sometimes I wonder if he’s even still looking. What if he’s gone back to England and I don’t know? I could be living my life.” 

Jamie was silent behind her. Claire turned back to see if he was still there. He had a thoughtful look on his face. “Aye, perhaps so,” he replied quietly, not meeting her eyes. 

Jenny bustled into the kitchen before Claire could talk to Jamie more. “Claire, I was hoping to join ye out in the garden today. Would that be alright?” 

Claire smiled at the other woman. “That sounds lovely! I’ll go change so we can head out there.” She looked over at Jamie for a moment before she left the kitchen. 

As she walked away, she heard Jenny ask Jamie, “What’s the matter wi’ ye?” She never heard Jamie’s reply. 

* * *

Jamie had been walking on eggshells around Lallybroch and it was all his fault. He didn’t know what had possessed him to say such a thing to Claire. It didn’t matter if he had feelings for her. She was married. And more than that, she was trying to heal from what that man had done to her. The last thing she needed was some ambiguous comment thrown at her. He had been beating himself up for a week now, but he’d never addressed it with Claire. It had been clear enough in the moment when she sidestepped the comment and left the room. 

If he was honest with himself, Jamie wasn’t completely sure how he felt. There was something lingering beneath the surface. It had been there before as well. Leaving Claire behind to go back to the war had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done, even if he couldn’t fully say why. He’d had some sort of feelings for her, certainly. And now that she was at Lallybroch, he was terrified at the prospect of her leaving. Each time she suggested it, his stomach tied itself in knots. 

Still, he couldn’t shake a comment she made a week ago. She wanted to be living her life. And the truth of it was that her life wasn’t at Lallybroch, no matter how much part of him wished it could be. It was time that they found an answer to her question. What if the man really had given up his search? Could she leave Lallybroch (and them) behind? 

Jamie had kept his plan to himself, lest anyone try to talk him out of it. He was walking to the truck, hoping no one would see him. But of course, Jenny spotted him before he could get in the truck. “Where are ye headed?” 

Jamie grimaced as he turned to look back at his sister. “Just out.” She stared at him until he caved. “No’ that it’s any of yer business, but I’m going to Inverness.” 

Jenny looked at the house and back at Jamie before she stepped closer to him. “Are ye mad, brother? What are ye thinking? Ye canna be going to Inverness. Have ye spoken to Claire about this?” 

“No, and ye willna do so either,” Jamie commanded. 

“Ye expect me to keep this to myself?” Jenny cried. “What is it ye plan to do in Inverness?” 

“I just want to assess the situation. She needs to ken the truth of it and hiding here isna providing any of us any answers,” Jamie explained. 

“Why are ye doing this?” Jenny pressed. Jamie ignored her and turned back to the truck. “Jamie!” He froze but wouldn’t look back at her. “It’s a risk. There has to be some reason ye’re doin’ this.” 

“I have my reasons,” Jamie replied vaguely, just wanting to leave. 

“It’s her,” Jenny remarked. Jamie stared at her. “Just admit it.” 

“Why? Seems like ye already have yer own notions about it,” Jamie retorted. 

“Ye love her, don’t ye?” Jenny pushed. 

Jamie looked down at the ground, shaking his head. He couldn’t admit it to himself, how could he admit it to his sister? Jamie glanced up at Jenny, shaking his head before he jumped in the truck. As he left Lallybroch behind and headed for Inverness, the truth behind his intentions only grew more clear. He wanted to know for himself. There was no way he could declare his feelings for her while she had no escape from him. She needed to have options. If she knew that she could go live her life, perhaps then he could let her know  _ all _ of the options she had before her. But not before then. 

* * *

Claire wandered into the kitchen around lunch time and found Jenny standing at the counter making sandwiches. “Need any help?” Claire offered. 

Jenny turned back to look at her, smiling. “I’m just about done, actually. But thank ye. I hope ye’re good wi’ a cheese sandwich fer lunch.” 

“I believe that’ll be just fine,” Claire said, reaching out to take one of the plates from Jenny. Claire’s eyes roved about the kitchen and down the hall when she walked to the doorway. “Wee Jamie is napping?” 

Jenny nodded. “Yes, thankfully. It took a long time to get the lad down, but he finally crashed.” Jenny walked over to the door and whistled, letting the others know it was lunch time. 

Ian strolled toward the door, took the sandwich off the plate Jenny held and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He then turned and walked back toward the barn. “Got a lot to do today, but thank ye!” 

Jenny rolled her eyes as she walked over and sat down at the table with Claire. They sat there in a comfortable silence for a bit. In the week they’d both been there, a friendship had started to form between them. Claire had been unsure as to what her role would be within the house with Jenny returned. Sometimes Claire still ended up cooking when Jenny was too busy with another task or simply was worn out by her pregnancy. They talked often, getting a real understanding of the other. Claire appreciated having Jenny around, especially for the insight she had on the others. Particularly Jamie. 

“Have you seen Jamie?” Claire asked, breaking the silence. Jenny looked shocked for a moment before she stared down at her sandwich, shaking her head. “Jenny?” 

“Yes?” Jenny asked. 

“What don’t I know?” 

“Apparently where Jamie is,” she joked, cracking a smile at herself. Claire stared at her with a disapproving expression. “Look, he’s out on an errand.” 

“Where?” Claire pushed. 

Jenny sighed heavily. “I canna tell ye.” Claire scoffed. “I promised my brother I wouldna tell.” 

“That you wouldn’t tell me specifically or that you wouldn’t tell anyone?” 

Jenny closed her eyes, grimacing. “Ye specifically.” 

Claire stared at her. “Where is he, Jenny?” 

Jenny opened her eyes, clearly not wanting to break her promise. She blew out a breath before she spoke again. “Inverness.” 

Claire’s eyes went wide as she gasped. “Why would he go there?” 

“He went there for ye.” 

“For me?” Claire was confused. “Why would he go there for me?” 

“Because he thinks ye deserve to ken the truth of the situation. Or something like that,” Jenny explained. 

“He went to see if Frank is still looking for me? God, is this because of what I said a while back?” Claire covered her face with her hands. 

“I think it may be.” 

Claire dropped her hands and stared at Jenny. “Why would he do this?” 

Jenny watched Claire for a long moment. “He’d do anything for ye.” 

Claire stood up from her seat and started pacing the kitchen. Hearing Jenny say that did nothing to ease the fight she’d been having in her head for a full week. “Why? All I did is take care of him.” 

“That’s no’ really how he tells it,” Jenny informed her. “He finally told me the truth of it all when I got back. He said that ye saved his life. That ye lied and put yer job on the line to get him more time to heal so he wasna running back into it before he was ready. Is that true?” 

Claire turned back and looked at Jenny. She swallowed past the lump in her throat before she nodded. 

Jenny mimicked her motion and nodded as well. “That’s what I thought. Now, can I ask ye something?” Claire urged her to continue. “Why would ye do that? Why risk so much for just one person?” 

Claire leaned against the sink. It was a question that had been haunting her for the better part of a year. Why had she done so much for Jamie when no other patient had received such specialized care? There was an easy answer, which was the one she usually clung to. But she was beginning to realize that the real answer was in fact the harder answer. There was no way she could admit that all to Jenny before she’d ever spoken of it with Jamie, though. 

Claire cleared her throat. “I can’t quite tell you for sure. For whatever reason, I just latched onto him when he arrived at our camp. I was usually the one to tend to him and we formed a deep friendship. I was there when the doctor told him he was cleared to return to combat and I had to step away. It felt like I was losing something that I had no right to have in the first place. So when Jamie seemed panicked about it, there was a selfish part of me that was more than happy to do what I could to keep him around. Even lie and risk my job.” She threw her hands up in the air. “I can’t really tell you why. I just...I couldn’t let him go.” 

Jenny watched her with a knowing look. “And ye think this is any different? Perhaps it’s his turn.” 

Claire stood by the sink, thinking over what Jenny had just said. Jenny remained silent and ate her sandwich, clearly feeling like she made her point. 

The entire time Jamie had been at camp, Claire had avoided defining anything.  _ They were just friends. He needed her help. He was a patient in need and she was a nurse _ . She couldn’t admit to the other nurses that he’d become the bright spot in the darkness for her, that talking with him for an hour drove away the madness. And even phrasing it that way talked around the deeper meaning. 

Was Jenny right? Was Jamie doing all he was doing for the same reasons she’d done so before? Claire had done all she could to make him happy and comfortable. Jamie had clearly returned the favor in the time she’d been at Lallybroch. But was Jamie doing it for the same reason she had originally? 

Claire shook her head as she realized Jenny was talking to her. “What?” she asked. 

“I was just going to say that ye should finish yer sandwich,” Jenny offered. 

Claire nodded distractedly as she wandered back to the table. She sat down across from Jenny and they ate in silence once again. 

* * *

It had been a long time since Jamie had been to Inverness. He had been in school still the last time he’d made the trip there. It was mostly as he remembered it. He wandered about, making himself look like a visitor as he perused shops, ate lunch in a pub, and walked the main street. Looking at each pole he passed, he checked for missing person signs for Claire. Surely at some point, Frank would have put some up. Surprisingly, he never found any. He spent a few hours just wandering around the town. The last thing he wanted was suspicion drawn to him. 

Jamie was down to his final stop before leaving Inverness and taking a winding way back to Lallybroch. He needed to stop by the police station and see if he could find any information there. Pulling his coat tighter around himself, he walked across the street to the station. 

He walked into the lobby to see a secretary on the phone. There were many desks in the room beyond, manned by officers and detectives. A few offices lay beyond the bullpen, no doubt filled by higher ranking officers. Jamie was still surveying the station when someone started speaking to him. 

“I wouldn’t expect any help from these people,” a man to his right said. 

Jamie turned to look at the man who’d just spoken. “I’m sorry?” 

“The police,” the man clarified. “They’re useless. If you’re needing help, you should look elsewhere.” Jamie was distracted by the man’s accent. It should have occurred to him faster. “My wife went missing almost two months ago now and they aren’t doing a fucking thing to help me.” 

Jamie’s blood ran cold. He stared at the man, knowing for certain in that moment that he was speaking with Frank Randall. It took all the strength in him to not beat the man senseless for the violence he’d brought against Claire. Jamie had never seen a picture of the man, nor had Claire ever described him. As he watched him, he simply couldn’t picture it. Perhaps he was tainted by the knowledge of what Frank had done, but he couldn’t see why Claire would marry him. 

He shook his head out of his reverie. Clearing his throat, he responded. “I’m so sorry, Sir. That’s awful. What happened?” Jamie was certainly curious to see what Frank believed about Claire’s disappearance. 

“I don’t bloody know and these men are no use,” Frank replied angrily. “She went to visit the bloody standing stones and disappeared. Her car was still at the base of the hill.” 

“Perhaps she went through the stones,” Jamie suggested, his lips curling into a small grin. Frank glared at him. “Sorry, we highlanders can be a superstitious people.” 

“So I’ve heard,” Frank grumbled. “I’m sorry, but I don’t believe that.” 

“Well what do ye believe happened?” Jamie asked. Frank looked over at him with a curious expression. “Sorry if I’m asking too much,”Jamie apologized. “I’ve lived in Inverness all my life and I’ve never seen a case like this.” 

Frank shook his head, accepting Jamie’s apology. “I think she was taken. I cannot say by who. We were just here on holiday, so I can’t imagine who would take my wife. But that’s the only option there is. It’s not like she’d run away. She had no reason to do so. Clearly someone kidnapped her and is keeping her hostage somewhere. But these bloody buffoons can’t figure out where that would be.” 

Jamie swallowed harshly. He needed to make sure he was in check before he accidentally reminded Frank of all the reasons Claire had to leave him. “That’s terrible,” he mumbled. “I’m sure everything will work out. Surely the people keeping her will be found if that’s the case.” 

Frank nodded beside him. “Yes, I hope so. And if it comes out that people have in fact been keeping her hostage, keeping her from me, well...I’ll fucking kill them.” 

A strong knot formed in Jamie’s stomach as his whole body tensed. He breathed out a fake laugh. “Well I’m sure the answer to getting yer wife back isna going to prison.” 

Frank eyed Jamie for a moment. “I met some interesting people during the war. I never said it would be  _ me _ doing the killing. It could all just end up looking like an accident.” 

Jamie cleared his throat. “Wow. Well the best of luck to ye,” he choked out. “I suppose if they werena much help with a missing wife, I shouldna ask for their help for my niece’s missing cat.” 

Frank released a dry laugh. “I should think not.” He pulled out a paper from his satchel on his shoulder and handed it to Jamie. Looking down at it, Jamie saw a younger looking Claire with a bright smile on her face. “I would appreciate you keeping an eye out, just in case,” Frank added. 

Jamie nodded slowly, barely meeting Frank’s eyes. “Of course. If I come across anything, I’ll let ye know. Good day to ye, Sir.” He turned and walked from the station, waiting until he was back in his truck to release the breath he’d been holding. Jamie laid his head against the steering wheel and sighed deeply. “Shit,” he breathed. After taking a small moment, he put the car in drive and pulled out of the spot. He cast a cursory glance back at the station to make sure no one followed him out. 

* * *

Claire had spent most of the afternoon in the living room where she’d have a view of the driveway when Jamie returned. She could hear Jenny getting pots and pans out to start dinner when there was a crunch of gravel from outside. Claire’s head snapped toward the window, checking to make sure it was in fact Jamie. The sight of the familiar truck moved Claire from her seat and out the door. She stomped down the stairs, ready to confront him. 

He was barely out of the truck when Claire smacked him in the shoulder. “What were you  _ thinking _ ?” she demanded, throwing another hit in for good measure. 

“Ah,” Jamie said, rubbing his shoulder. “What do ye even mean?” 

“I know you were in Inverness, Jamie!” 

Jamie’s face fell as he sighed. “Of course Jenny told ye,” he replied with a shake of his head. “Look, I just kept thinking about what ye said. Ye deserved to ken if ye were free to go. So I thought I’d go poke around the town and see what I could find out.” 

Claire swallowed harshly. “And what  _ did _ you find out?” she asked. 

“Well, I met Frank,” Jamie confided. Claire’s mouth dropped open, a look of pure terror on her face. “Dinna worry, there’s no reason for him to ken who I am. He doesna even ken ye’re here. There would be no reason at all for him to look for ye here. I drove in winding circles on the way back so no one would follow me.” 

Claire nodded, though she was unable to meet his eyes. “I just don’t get why you went, Jamie.” 

Jamie huffed out a breath. “I just wanted you to know. I thought if ye they’d dropped their search for ye, then you could live yer life again. Ye could stop being holed up here and ye could be free again. Ye’d get to finally leave.” 

Claire’s eyes snapped up to Jamie’s face. “Free? Jamie, I don’t feel like a prisoner here. I only said what I said because...well it would be nice to know what was going on. But it’s not because I have some great life I’m desperate to return to. Surely, you know that.” 

Jamie shrugged. “I had this grand idea that I’d go there and I’d see that something else had happened and they werena so worried about ye anymore. I had this idea that I could come back here and I could break the good news to ye and ye could finally have options.” He looked down at his feet, kicking at a rock. “But I wasna able to do that. He’s still looking for ye. I canna bring ye good news. I’m sorry, Claire.” 

Claire watched as Jamie seemed desolate at the news he brought with him. Suddenly, the right word for how she felt wasn’t blocked anymore. She realized he truly had gone about a day of deception and misinformation just so he could find out the truth for her, so he could give her the option to leave if she wanted it. And in that moment of realization, came another big epiphany, one that she’d been denying and blocking for months. Giving into it, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, bringing him close to her. Slowly, his arms came up to return the gesture. 

“Thank you, Jamie,” she whispered. 

“For what?” he asked. “I didna do anything.” 

“But I know,” she answered. “I know he’s still looking. And more than that, I know that this is the safest place for me.” She stepped back and looked at him. “Here with you is where I’m safest. You’ll protect me, no matter what.” 

Jamie stared at her before nodding slightly. “Aye. I will. I promise ye that.” 

Claire hugged him again quickly before turning to go back into the house. It wasn’t the time to tell him of her feelings. For something that had been building between them for so long, it needed to be the perfect time. But as she watched him climb the stairs, she knew in her heart, it wouldn’t be long till they came out. 


	8. Let Me Tell You How I Feel

The problem with having a revelation was that it was all Claire could think about. She’d sit across from Jamie at dinner and think of nothing but her growing feelings for him. They’d work together in the fields and she’d be distracted by his presence next to her. At night when she was asleep, his face would fill her dreams. He needed to know how she felt but every time Claire tried to work up the courage to tell him, something else got in her way. 

There had been three different days she’d decided to do it. The first day, she’d gotten out of bed, set in her mind that by the end of the day Jamie Fraser would know of her feelings for him. But when she walked down to the kitchen, he’d already left to run an errand for the day in Broch Mordha. Claire decided she’d pull him aside when he returned. When he returned in a foul mood, she chose to wait for another time. 

The second day had been five days later. He was in a good mood this time, thankfully. Ian was usually the first one to walk in for lunch so Claire decided to go find Jamie after Ian had left the fields. As she was turning to walk out the door, Ian stopped her. “Ye going to find Jamie?” Ian asked. Claire nodded. “Good luck finding him. Jenny informed him that Laoghaire was coming over this afternoon so he’s taken to hiding so he doesna have to interact wi’ the lass.” Claire breathed out a laugh and returned to her spot at the table. She wouldn’t do it while he was hiding from another woman. It could wait. She had time. 

The third day had started out with a bright, sunny morning. Claire had been inspired by the weather and was in a cheery mood. It had been almost two weeks since her big revelation. And considering she’d spent every single day of that time with Jamie, it had felt like a very long time to be sitting on such information. She wandered out to where Jamie was working in the stables, handing him a glass of water. They stood there in the stables together in a companionable silence. Claire had every opportunity to say it then, but she didn’t. Jamie finished the glass of water and thanked her for it. She nodded and turned to go back inside, cursing herself the whole time. 

She’d never really had to tell someone of her feelings before this. When she and Frank had started their relationship, Frank had simply told her they should have dinner and she’d accepted. Their whole courtship had been driven by Frank. In hindsight, he’d been incredibly possessive of her since the moment she’d accepted his offer for dinner. At the time she’d been flattered by the attention, even if it was possessive. But looking back, she should have seen how fractured their relationship was before he’d ever laid a hand on her. They’d been married for a year before she decided to volunteer to go to war. He’d been furious at her decision. But ultimately, her need to do something had outweighed her need to please him. And the longer she was away from him, her need to please him diminished within her. The final flicker of that need blew out the day Jamie Fraser had been brought to her camp. 

Claire laid in her bed and decided that she’d just have to keep trying to find the right time. The perfect time to tell Jamie of her feelings wouldn’t ever present itself. All she needed was to create that moment on her own. With a fresh wave of determination, she knew that soon enough, she’d take her moment. 

It was two days later that she was sitting outside with Jamie. He was taking a break from his chores outside and she was sitting on the fence next to him. It was a gorgeous day, leaving Claire with a feeling of peace. Glancing over at him, she watched as he surveyed the fields. He turned his head to look at her but she didn’t look away. She smiled. 

Claire breathed out a laugh. “You know, I feel like I’ve lied to you all.” 

Jamie’s brow furrowed. “How so?” 

“Well you told me that I was welcome to stay here while I made my plan,” she reminded him. 

“Aye, I recall that. How does that make ye a liar?” 

“Because I...I never really started making a plan,” Claire admitted, looking over at him. His face was devoid of emotion as he stared back at her. “I guess I’ve just gotten too comfortable here, you know? You’ve made me want to keep staying here. I keep asking myself why I would risk everything to leave when I’ll never find a place that makes me feel this safe and cared for.” 

Jamie watched her for a long moment. “Ye really feel that way?” 

Claire nodded in reply, a smile growing on her face. “I really do. It’s odd. When I ran away, I was determined not to stay anywhere too long. I varied my path. I tried to throw off any potential for tracking me. I was cautious and terrified. But then I came here. And suddenly all that terror and calculation disappeared and made way for something softer and kinder. I finally had shelter from the storm that my life had been. And I find I don’t want to leave it.” 

Jamie looked down. “Aye, Lallybroch is a bonny place. A good sanctuary from the real world sometimes.” 

“I wasn’t talking about Lallybroch, Jamie,” she clarified. Holding his gaze, she continued. “I was talking about you.” She was silent for a moment, making sure he understood her meaning. “I’m on the run from something scary and dangerous and I should feel wary, but I don’t. I just feel at ease when I’m with you. I feel happy for the first time in a very long time. And it’s confusing and a mess, but I don’t think I could walk away from you if I tried.” She paused, watching him. “You’re like that first patch of blue sky that you see when the storm is ending.” 

Jamie jumped down from the fence and Claire was panicked that he was just going to walk away from her confession. Instead, he turned around and stood with his arms leaning on the fence. His eyes were focused on his hands that were clasped together. He’d been silent for a longer time than she was comfortable with, given what she’d just admitted to him. 

“I ken what ye mean,” he said in a soft voice. “That feeling of knowing ye should be worrit or concerned by somethin’ else, but all ye can feel is peace. Twas how I felt.” Claire tried not to be distracted by the past tense. “I should have been more focused on healing, on my injuries, but I wasna. I spent all day hoping ye’d come see me. And when ye did, I’d think of nothing but ye for hours after ye left. I knew I should have wanted to go back to help the men I’d fought with, but I didna want to leave. I couldna.” 

He paused for a moment, still staring down at his hands. “At first I told myself that I was a fool, that ye were just an attentive nurse. But then it became more than that. And I couldna deny what I felt, even if I could never tell anyone about it.” His head turned in her direction, but he still didn’t meet her eyes. “Leaving there was the hardest thing I ever did.” 

Claire wanted to reach out and take his hand, but she didn’t know how he’d react. “You left in the morning,” she recalled, “and I couldn’t work the rest of the day. I went back to my tent and sobbed. It wasn’t rational. Like you said, I couldn’t tell anyone about it. But I felt heartbroken watching you leave, not knowing if I’d ever see you again.” 

“But then ye showed up here.” 

“I did.” 

“I couldna believe it was ye,” he told her. “I thought surely it must be some strange hallucination. How could the woman I’d dreamed of for the last year have shown up in my own home? After ye told me yer tale, I spent most of the night fighting with myself till I came to a conclusion. My feelings were in the past.” 

Claire felt her heart break all over again. He didn’t feel the same way. She closed her eyes and shook her head to herself. It was in the moment that she was about to jump down off the fence that he finally looked up at her. 

“Except that they werena just in the past,” he admitted, a vulnerable look on his face. 

“What?” she asked. She wondered if she’d heard him correctly. 

“I told ye to stay as a way to make up for all ye’d done for me,” Jamie began to explain, watching her as he spoke. “But the longer ye stayed here and the more I tried to protect ye, my motivations changed. I didna want ye to leave because I felt the same way I did in that medical tent. It didna take long for those feelings to return. Though, yet again, I tried to deny them.” 

Claire hesitantly reached her hand out and placed it on Jamie’s clasped hands. He looked at their hands before looking back up at her. “Perhaps you don’t need to deny it anymore.” 

“Ye were right wi’ what ye said, Claire,” Jamie said, staring at their hands. “What ye said about a mess was right.” 

Claire jumped down off the fence and stood next to him. “I know that, Jamie. But I also know how I’m feeling. And being with you, around you…it just feels right.” 

“And what of Frank?” 

Claire was silent for a moment. “Jamie, do you want this?” She stared at him. Slowly, his head picked up to look at her. “Because if you don’t, just tell me. I can make a plan and go and you can pretend this conversation never happened.” 

Jamie shook his head quickly. “Of course I want this. Did ye no’ hear what I said?” 

“I did. But I also heard what you said after it.” 

He reached up and brushed a curl from her face. “I would like nothing more than to take ye in my arms and show ye just how much I care for ye, Claire, but ye’re no’ mine to have,” Jamie said.   

“Yes, I am. I ceased to be his when he hurt me. And I mean that.” She looked down at her feet, feeling desperate to prove it to him. “Perhaps I can go find a lawyer. Maybe there’s someone who would let a woman file for divorce given my situation.” 

“What if that just leads him to ye?” Jamie asked. 

Claire breathed out an exasperated sigh. “Then what do you want me to do here, Jamie? You won’t allow me to be with the person I’d like to be with because I’m still tied to that abusive and violent man. But you won’t let me do anything to change that.” 

“I just wish it were easier,” he said in a small voice. 

Claire stepped closer to him. “It can be, you fool.” Jamie looked up at her. She reached out and grabbed his hand, placing it over her heart. “This is yours and no one else’s. It’s that easy.” 

“Are ye sure ye’re no’ just feeling this way because ye’re more or less trapped here?” Jamie whispered, as he stared at his hand still over her heart. 

“I’m right where I want to be,” she whispered back. “And I’ve come to realize, these feelings didn’t just start since I’ve been here.” 

Jamie’s eyes flicked up to meet hers. His thumb stroked a gentle path back and forth on her chest. “It’s that easy, aye?” 

Claire took a deep breath, stepping closer to him again, reaching out to wrap her arms around his waist if he’d let her. “It is. I’m yours, James Fraser. Yours alone. If you want me.” 

Jamie breathed out a small laugh as his hands came up to cup her face. “I canna think of anything I want more.” 

He bent his head towards hers, finally meeting her in a kiss. His lips moved over hers gently, reverently. Claire stood on her toes to get closer to him. They separated after a moment, staring at each other, a world of possibilities between them. Just as Claire was leaning back into him, a shrill voice ripped through the air. 

“Jenny!” 

Claire and Jamie broke apart like they’d been discovered. Laoghaire was somewhere nearby, clearly looking for Jenny. Claire looked toward the house to see the blonde finally find Jenny. She wrapped her arms around herself as she looked down at her feet. Jamie’s eyes stayed on her, seeing her disappointment clear on her glass face. He reached out and took one of her hands. “Come wi’ me. If ye dinna think it immoral.” 

One side of Claire’s mouth lifted into a small grin. She squeezed his hand in hers and nodded. With one last look toward the house, Jamie led her away from the fence. They walked for some time until Jamie stopped in front of a small shed. He dropped her hand and moved to open the door. 

“Is this where you murder me?” Claire joked, looking between the shed and Jamie. 

Jamie just laughed, walking into the shed in front of her. Claire followed him in, letting her eyes adjust the the darkness. There were small windows that didn’t provide much light. She noticed old pots filled to varying levels with dirt. “What is this place?” she asked. 

“We used to keep plants and such in here but Jenny decided it was too far away and so it became mostly abandoned,” Jamie told her. 

Claire nodded as she looked around the place. It was small but still held a considerable amount of planters. She figured the larger garden and Jenny’s makeshift greenhouse must have replaced this place. Jamie’s eyes were on her as she turned back to him. She took a step closer to him. He held his arms out and she happily stepped into them. 

Jamie ran his hands up and down her arms. “I’m sorry for all I said before.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I’m sorry for ever making ye think I didna feel just the same as ye,” he clarified, planting a kiss in her hair. “I do. Sometimes so much that it hurts.” 

“I don’t want you to hurt, Jamie. What can I do to make it better?” 

Jamie looked down at her, meeting her gaze. “Kiss me.” 

She didn’t need to be told a second time. Surging up, her mouth met his as her hand weaved through his hair. His hands clutched at her waist, bringing her closer. Months upon months of feelings between the two of them fueled the eager embrace. Slowly, Claire started walking them back until Jamie’s back hit the wall of the shed. He groaned as she pressed closer still. Her tongue ran along his bottom lip before finding its way in his mouth to dance with his. His hand tangled in her hair. They were too close and not close enough. Jamie shifted, turning them so Claire was against the wall. As her back smacked against the wall, she let out a surprised gasp. 

Jamie pulled back immediately, afraid he’d hurt her. His hand went to her face. “Claire, I’m so sorry. I didna mean to hurt ye.” 

Claire breathed out a small laugh, her hands clasping at the base of his neck. “You didn’t hurt me, Jamie.” 

He let out a sigh of relief as he moved to lay his forehead against hers. “Are ye sure?” 

Claire reached up and kissed him softly. “I’m positive.” 

They met again in a slow, unhurried kiss as they simply held each other. Jamie broke away, laying kisses on her cheek and jaw. “I’m yers too.” 

“Hmm?” she asked, too caught up in the haze of his embrace. 

Jamie pulled back and looked at her. “Ye said ye’re mine,” he reminded. “Well, Christ, I’m yers.” Claire smiled, ruffling his hair. “I have been since the moment ye sat down at my cot.” 

She kissed him softly before pulling back to look at him again. “If I recall correctly, you were still unconscious when I sat down at your cot.” 

Jamie laughed, leaning in for another quick kiss. “My body still kent it well.” 

Claire shook her head with a smile. They stood there for a long moment, content to watch each other in this new light. His hand came up to brush her hair from her face, her eyes fluttering as he did. Her grip tightened where she held his waist. Slowly their heads dipped back together, meeting for another long kiss. Their bodies molded together as it grew heated. Hands moved of their own volition, discovering new places. 

Jamie was paying special attention to her neck and Claire was clutching him impossibly close when an interruption inevitably came. They broke apart, staring at the other. Lips swollen, hair and clothes a bit disheveled. It was more or less obvious what they had been up to. 

“Uncle Jamie!” the boy called for the second time. 

“Why don’t you go see what he needs?” Claire asked, her arms still holding him. 

“Because if he canna find me, he’ll just go back to the house,” Jamie told her while sporting a mischievous grin.  

“Jamie,” Claire scolded. “Just go see what he wants.” 

Jamie sighed before he ceded. After kissing her again quickly, he walked to the door of the shed and called to the boy. “What do ye need lad?” 

“Uncle Jamie!” he replied. “What were ye doing in the old shed?” 

“Nothing. What do ye need?” 

“Da was looking for ye! He needed help wi’ one of the horses. He couldna leave to come find ye so he sent me.” 

“Alright. I’ll head to the stables in just a moment,” he agreed reluctantly. He turned to go back to Claire. 

“Why are ye going back in the shed? Da’s in the stables,” Wee Jamie asked. 

“I jus’ need somethin’. I’ll be there in a moment, aye?” The boy nodded and ran off toward the stables. Jamie walked back into the shed to see Claire sitting on one of the tables, her legs swinging. “Ye ken ye could have come out there with me,” Jamie said as he walked over to her. He stepped in front of her, placing his hands on the table on either side of her legs. 

Claire reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I realize that. But that could have led to a whole series of questions that a three year old boy doesn’t need to be asking.” 

Jamie chuckled. “I suppose ye might be right.” 

Claire laid her hand on his cheek. “Go help Ian.” 

Jamie stared at her for a long moment, seemingly determined to make it stretch into infinity. Finally he sighed and nodded. He leaned back in, kissing her softly, lingering there. “I’ll see ye at the house?” 

Claire nodded for him. “I’ll be there.” With one more stolen kiss, they parted, Jamie going to the stables and Claire heading back to the house. 

When they reunited at dinner, both of them, by silent agreement, made no comment on the events of the day. Claire decided to leave it up to Jamie to inform the others in the house. She knew he’d been hesitant to let anything happen between them. But on the other hand, she also couldn’t help but notice the secret smile he wore when he thought none of them were looking. Dinner hadn’t been anything impressive and yet he sat grinning at his plate before he could quickly school his expression. 

Hours later and long after Wee Jamie had been put to bed, the four adults sat together, sharing whisky and telling stories. As the evening carried on, Claire grew more tired. She felt herself dozing off, her head leaned against the wing of her armchair. Occasionally, she’d rouse, listening to the conversation again before inevitably dozing back off again. 

In a state somewhere between sleeping and waking, she felt her glass of whisky being carefully taken from her hand. Next, a hand tucked under her knees, another behind her back, and she was lifted from the chair. Her head lolled against his chest and his scent registered in her nose. Jamie. Waking slightly in his arms, she wrapped her arms around his neck. When they got to the top of the stairs (and well away from the others), he placed a kiss in her hair as he strode towards her room. 

Jamie gently laid her down on the bed, taking a moment to pull the blankets out from under her legs so he could cover her. “Goodnight, Sassenach,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss her forehead. 

Finding another moment of wakefulness, Claire reached out and grabbed his shirt. “Don’t go,” she begged. The idea of sleeping and waking in Jamie’s arms was almost too good to fathom. “Please stay,” she continued. 

Jamie sighed, his hand squeezing hers where it still held onto his shirt. “We shouldna.” 

“It’s just sleeping,” she insisted through her sleepy state. Her eyes opened all the way, staring at him pleadingly. “Please.” 

Jamie’s eyes closed. He was silent for a long beat. “Alright,” he said, taking her hand off his shirt. “I’ll be right back.” 

Somehow, Claire was able to stay awake while she waited for him to return. He was taking his sweet time about it. After several minutes, he walked back in wearing his pajamas, his head looking both ways down the hall as he closed the door behind him. His eyes widened at the sight of her staring at him. “I expected ye to be asleep.” 

“I was waiting for you,” she said through a yawn. 

Jamie walked around, folding the blankets back, and climbing in beside her. Claire instantly flopped over, scooching closer to him. He seemed to know just what she wanted. His arms opened and pulled her against him. A hand stroked her hair as she burrowed into his side, her nose tucked in against his neck. Claire was fairly certain she’d never felt safer or more content than she did in that moment. 

“Goodnight, Jamie,” she whispered, kissing the side of his neck. 

“Goodnight, Claire,” he replied, holding her close. 

Comforted by his presence and the warmth of his body, Claire fell straight to sleep. 

She woke in the morning as a ray of light came in through the window. Trying to push past the fogginess of deep sleep, she looked around the room. A small gasp echoed through the room when her eyes landed on Jamie’s sleeping figure next to her. Looking down, his arm was draped over her waist. She slapped a hand to her face, completely ashamed that she’d begged Jamie to stay with her the night before. Looking over at him, Claire watched him as he slept. A small smile tugged at his mouth. There had been many times she’d watched him sleep when he’d been in the medical tent. Never before had he smiled though. A small voice in her head said it was because of her, because of them. Smiling herself, she laid her head back down on the pillow and curled back into him, allowing sleep to pull her under once more. 

The next time she woke, she was alone. Jamie’s scent still lingered on the pillow next to hers. There was proof to remind her that he’d spent the night holding her. Claire took her time getting up. Aside from the short moment earlier in the morning, she realized, she’d never woken up that night. It was one of the best nights of sleep she’d had in years. No nightmares from the war. No nightmares about Frank. She’d slept soundly, wrapped up in Jamie’s arms. And just with that thought, she’d realized yet another way the man had helped her heal. 

Claire dressed and walked downstairs. She could hear the family talking as they sat for breakfast. All eyes were on her as she walked in the kitchen. “Good morning, Claire!” Jenny greeted with a smile. 

Seeing Jamie with his family, a spot next to him waiting for her, had a double effect on her. Her shame from earlier returned, but her heart also warmed at the sight. Jenny jumped up to ready her a plate before Claire could herself. Claire cleared her throat. “Jamie, could I speak to you for a moment?” 

Jamie’s eyebrows raised momentarily before he nodded and stood up to follow her. Claire led him out into the hall, stopping once they were close to the front door. She turned to look at him, noting the curious expression on his face. 

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” Claire said without preamble. 

Jamie frowned, his brow furrowed. “Sorry for what?” 

“For last night. That wasn’t right for me to beg you to do that. I’m sorry. I was out of line,” Claire replied. “I don’t want you to feel like I pushed you to do something you didn’t want to do.” 

A small smile grew on Jamie’s face as he took a step closer to her. He shot a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure the others were still in the kitchen. “I assure ye, Sassenach, ye were fine. Twas just sleeping.” He lifted a hand up to her face. “I can also tell ye that I was right where I wanted to be, though I likely would have never asked for it myself.” 

“You’re sure?” 

Jamie leaned in and kissed her quickly. “I’m positive.” They met for a longer kiss, temporarily ignoring the family waiting for them in the kitchen. “Besides,” Jamie added as he pulled back, “twas the best night of sleep I’ve had in a long time.” 

Claire laughed, leaning her head against his shoulder. She hugged him tightly. “I thought the same thing.” 

They shared a long look before both nodding and turning to go back to the kitchen. There had been a small seed of hope that had been planted in Claire when she found shelter at Lallybroch. But as she sat next to Jamie, their knees touching under the table, the memory of waking in his arms fresh in her mind, that small seed finally began to bloom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kind words about the last chapter! I appreciate the continued support for this fic! 
> 
> I'm about to get pretty busy, so my updating of this may slow down a bit. This might be the last chapter for a little bit, but hopefully I'll find some time to write more!


	9. Beginnings and Endings

Jamie and Claire were hiding in the old Broch on the Lallybroch lands. Claire didn’t think it looked very structurally sound but Jamie assured her they’d be fine. She’d been inside, helping Jenny with some chores when Jamie sent Young Jamie with a message that she should meet him. Claire had wandered into the scene before her, Jamie sitting on a blanket next to a picnic basket, a large smile on his face. 

“Would ye care to join me?” he asked, gesturing to the blanket. 

Claire matched his smile, sitting down right next to him. She leaned in to kiss him. “I would love to.” 

Jamie grinned as he started unpacking the basket. He handed her two wrapped sandwiches and set out a plate of fruit. Claire laughed as she looked at the contents of the basket. “Was this just the lunch we would have had inside?” 

Jamie nodded. “More or less. I told Jenny I had something I needed yer help with and that I’d just take our lunches wi’ us. I canna say if she believed me or not.” 

“And you’re sure this isn’t just all going to collapse on us?” Claire asked, eyeing the structure around them. 

“I mean at some point we should probably tell Jenny and Ian the truth, but tis complicated, is it no’?” Jamie said, handing Claire a glass of water. 

She stared at him for a moment in confusion. “I meant the tower,” she clarified, pointing up at the ceiling. 

Jamie laughed, covering his face with his hands. “Of course ye did. Yes, we’ll be fine here.” 

“Makes me wonder though, are you worried about...this,” she gestured between them, “collapsing on us?” 

Jamie took a deep breath as he looked back over at Claire. “There’s no denying that it’s a complicated situation.” Claire nodded. “But I think we should be alright. Do you?” 

Claire scooted closer to Jamie on the blanket, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I do. I know that I’m not going to just give up on anything. I want to be with you.” 

Jamie rested his forehead against hers. “As do I, Sassenach.” 

They shared a small moment, their feelings laid bare between them. Soon, the moment ended and they turned back to their picnic. They ate their sandwiches in a comfortable silence, Claire’s shoulder leaned against his. It was a quiet peace from the rest of the world. Jamie took a drink from his cup as he turned and looked at her. He placed a kiss on her shoulder, drawing her attention. “I was thinking about our time at the camp.” 

“Oh?” 

“Tis how I thought of this picnic,” he explained. “I remembered our clandestine meetings outside the tent.” 

Claire laughed. “You make it sound much more dramatic than it was.” 

“Twas nice to escape those days,” Jamie recalled, a far off look in his eyes. “I remember feeling like at any time someone could figure out our secret and blow it all to hell.” 

Claire laid her head on his shoulder, curling herself in closer to him. “I was afraid of that too. I’d lied to so many people.” 

Jamie turned his head to place a kiss on her crown. “Ye were far too good to me.” 

“No,” she disagreed. “I was being selfish. I couldn’t let you leave.” 

Jamie brought his hand to her cheek, bringing her to look at him. He held her gaze for a long moment before he met her for a deep kiss. It was slow and unhurried with a multitude of emotions between them. Claire’s hands reached up to caress his cheeks as he pulled her closer still. 

Slowly, they separated, looking to each other. Jamie stroked a lock of hair away from her face. “Sometimes I still canna believe ye came here,” he whispered. “That I got to see ye again.” 

Claire smiled, stroking his cheek with her thumb. “I know the feeling.” 

They sat, watching each other for a long moment, absorbing the miracle of their presence in each other’s lives again. Soon, the moment was over as they went back to their picnic, conversing on life at Lallybroch. It all seemed so normal, so simple. Jamie talked of chores he needed to get done. Claire shared a story of something silly Wee Jamie had said. They spoke of their mutual excitement for the new baby that was still a few months away. 

They lounged, taking full advantage of the time they had alone. Claire sat with her back to the wall of the broch, Jamie’s head in her lap. Her fingers wove through his curls absentmindedly. “Claire?” Jamie asked, breaking their silence. 

“Yes?” 

“Do ye have any problem wi’ me telling Jenny and Ian? About this, I mean?” he asked, not looking up at her. 

Claire leaned forward, catching his eye. “Why would I have a problem?” 

“I dinna ken. Perhaps because it’s complicated a bit,” he voiced with a shrug. 

“You’re right, it is. But they feel like the closest thing I’ve had to family in a long time,” Claire reasoned. “I don’t want to be keeping a secret this big from them.” 

Jamie sat up and looked at her. “Aye, I dinna want to do that either. And from things Jenny and Ian have both said to me, I doubt they’d be all that surprised.” 

Claire laughed, leaning her head back against the wall. “You’re quite right. Neither of them have been all that subtle. How long had I been here when Ian just asked me outright?” 

Jamie shook his head, an annoyed look on his face. “I couldha killed him.” 

Claire reached over and laid her hand on his cheek. “He was right though.” Suddenly a look crossed her face and she dropped her hand to her lap. 

“What is it,  _ a nighean _ ?” 

She took a deep breath. “Do you think they’ll think less of me?” 

Jamie took both her hands in his. “No,” he said vehemently. “I promise ye they willna. They ken what yer situation is.” 

“You really think so?” she asked, an unsure look on her face. 

Jamie leaned closer, resting his forehead against hers. “I really do. They care about ye.” 

She nodded slightly. Jamie pulled her in closer, essentially on his lap, as he held her close to him. Planting a kiss on her temple, he continued to reassure her. 

* * *

Jamie waited until he had a moment alone with Jenny. Ian had wandered upstairs with Young Jamie. Claire saw the look on Jamie’s face and came up with an excuse to leave the room. Jenny was drying the last dish when she turned around and saw Jamie waiting awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen. 

“Something on yer mind, Brother?” 

“I suppose,” he started, taking a deep breath. He walked over and sat at the table. Jenny raised a brow, watching him. “I was thinking about what ye have tried multiple times to get me to admit.” 

“Jamie, that could be a number of things,” she joked. Her eyes flitted toward the hall before looking back at him. “Would this be about Claire?” 

Jamie nodded, looking down at the table. Suddenly, he understood why Claire had been so nervous. As he was about to tell her, he started to worry how she’d react. “Aye,” he said in a small voice. 

“Ye’ve finally come to terms wi’ it then?” Jenny asked, fidgeting with a towel. 

“I have. Finally allowed myself to really acknowledge it,” he informed her. 

“And?” 

Jamie sighed. “And I told her.” 

Jenny’s eyes widened. “Ye did? Christ, Jamie, she’s still marrit!” 

Jamie threw his arms out. “Well then why were ye pushin’ me to admit my feelings to myself if I wasna supposed to do anything about it?” 

“Well how did she react?” 

“She feels the same way. Twas actually Claire who started the conversation,” he told her. 

“So what now? I mean, Jamie, I know the two of ye feel a certain way for each other,” Jenny said, clearly avoiding a specific word, “but the fact of the matter is, she’s still marrit to another man. Have ye thought of that?” 

Jamie rolled his eyes. “No, Jenny. That just never occurred to me. I thought she was here just to pass the time.” He shook his head at her. “Of course I’ve thought of that.” 

“Well then what do the two of ye plan to do about it?” 

“I dinna ken exactly,” he admitted. Jenny opened her mouth but Jamie held up a hand to stop her. “We need to figure out a way that she can start the process of separating herself from him wi’out him figuring out where she is. And that seems incredibly complicated. There arena many women who can file for divorce, Janet.” 

“Surely she could have a case. The man beat her!” 

Jamie nodded. “Aye, I’m sure so. But if he finds her, there’s no telling what he could do to her. I ken it’s no’ ideal, but we just need to take our time on it so she doesna end up getting more hurt.” 

Jenny sighed, planting herself in the chair across from him. “I understand. And ye’re right. Tis very complicated. And I’m sure when ye’re living under the same roof and spend every day together, it’s no’ as though ye can just ignore these feelings. Especially when she wants to be rid of the man as it is. I just...I want ye to be careful.” 

“Careful?” 

“Wi’ her. And wi’ yer heart,” Jenny elaborated. “Both of ye have been through a lot, Jamie. I dinna want either of ye to get more hurt than ye already have been. Just be careful wi’ each other. Alright?” 

Jamie gave her a small smile. “Aye, I will.” 

They sat there in a long silence. “So what about Ned?” Jenny finally said. 

“I thought of him, but last I heard he was living in Inverness. Tis no’ like we could take her there,” Jaime said with a shake of his head. 

Jenny reached over and grabbed his hand. “We’ll think of something.” She squeezed his hand in hers. “I’ve just one question for ye.” Jamie nodded. “Does she make ye happy?” 

Jamie breathed out a laugh. “Verra much so.” 

“Tis all a sister could ask for.” 

* * *

_ Once they settled into the lie, things became very easy at the camp. Claire would routinely “check” Jamie’s wounds. Privately, she would also check in to see how he was faring. She could tell that the extra time was helping him. His nightmares had become less frequent. He still had them, of course, but by his own admission, they weren’t as often.  _

_ Claire started spending more time away from the tent. Well, at least when she could. She still saw patients and helped heal the soldiers coming in, but she didn’t linger as long as she used to. Her fight with Nurse Smith had left her wary. She didn’t want people to catch on to her lie. On her off times, she found herself wandering toward the patch of trees where she and Jamie had devised their plan.  _

_ One day, she wandered out there, bringing along her lunch from the mess hall. She needed to get away from the others. The air in the tents had been too stifling. Sitting among the wildflowers, she realized she wasn’t alone. The sound of footsteps alerted her to someone’s approach. Looking up, she saw Jamie coming closer. He planted himself down on the ground next to her. “Sassenach.”  _

_ “Jamie,” she replied. “What are you doing here?”  _

_ “Just needed to step away,” he explained. “What about ye?”  _

_ She looked over, a reluctant smile on her face. “Same.”  _

_ They sat in silence for a bit as Claire finished her lunch. “How are ye doing?” Jamie asked. She looked over at him, confusion on her face. “Ye ask about how I’m doing constantly. We hardly ever talk about how ye’re handling things.”  _

_ Claire was so touched by the thought. It was true though, for more than just the pair of them. Most of the world was worried about the soldiers. She never felt that concern about the combat nurses or doctors. “I’m alright,” she answered. Jamie fixed her with a knowing look. “I’m worried, a bit. But I know what I did was right so I can’t feel too badly about it. Nurse Smith knows I lied though and if Campbell finds out…”  _

_ “I thought he said twas up to ye to clear me,” Jamie recalled.  _

_ “He did. But I just fear he’ll change his mind or something,” she said with a shrug.  _

_ Jamie took a deep breath. “Should I come clean? Should I ask to be sent back? I can do it. I think.”  _

_ Claire turned to him, laying her hand on his arm. “Absolutely not. We lied for a reason. You need to heal, Jamie. I’m not taking that away from you. You’re not leaving until you feel absolutely ready to. Do you hear me?”  _

_ Jamie smiled as he nodded to her. “Aye, I hear ye.”  _

_ “And are you ready to leave?” she asked, her brows raised.  _

_ “No’ quite yet,” Jamie admitted.  _

_ “Then you’re staying.” She shook her head as she let out a huff. “Don’t let my fears steer you to do something stupid.”  _

_ Jamie laughed. “Verra well.”  _

_ Soon their conversation steered to better things, life back home, jokes about the quality of food in the mess hall, things they missed. And somehow, their accidental meeting in the woods became more purposeful as the weeks carried on. Many times, they’d sneak off separately, finding solace in the private conversations they had away from prying eyes and ears.  _

_ Claire worried that their secret meetings would make it harder for her when he finally left. She wondered if she could convince him to wait there until the war ended. It wasn’t likely. It didn’t seem to be ending anytime soon. There would reach a day when the jig would be up and people would wonder why he was still at the camp. Each time it came to mind, she pushed it away. He kept insisting that he wasn’t ready to go back.  _

_ She grew concerned one day when she went to the woods and he never showed up. Rather than walking back to the tent and confronting him, she shrugged it off. It happened three more times. Concern grew within her. He still seemed healthy. They spoke when she checked in on him. His mental state was improving, but not to the point where she thought she should send him back. But why would he stop going to their hiding spot? She could have sworn he needed it as much as she did.  _

_ It was five missed days later when Jamie finally showed up in the woods again. Claire’s face lit up as he approached. “You made it!” she said excitedly.  _

_ “I need to speak wi’ ye,” Jamie told her, standing a good distance away from her.  _

_ “Okay. What’s going on?” she asked hesitantly.  _

_  Jamie stared down at his feet for a long beat before looking up at her. His face was hardened, no expression upon it. “I need ye to tell Dr. Campbell I’m clear to return.”  _

_ Claire drew back, horror coursing through her. “I’m sorry, what?”  _

* * *

Ian stormed into the house, slamming the door behind him. Jamie and Claire jumped up, following him into the kitchen. “What’s the matter, Ian?” Jamie asked, standing away from him. 

“The blasted tractor broke!” 

“Why were ye even on the tractor?” Jenny asked. “Tis December. We finished up the harvest weeks ago.” 

“I was trying to get it back to the shed and it got hooked on a root and the blade broke,” Ian told.

“We dinna have need for it till the spring anyway,” Jamie offered. “I’m sure it will be fine.” 

“Do ye really think it’s wise to wait until spring to fix it?” Ian asked, a questioning look in his eye. “That’s irresponsible, Jamie.” 

Jamie held up his hands in defense. “Sorry. I just dinna want ye to worry about it too much. We dinna need it immediately.” 

“I need to go to Edinburgh to get the part for it,” Ian said with a frustrated look. 

“Do ye need to go all the way there?” Jamie asked. “Ye canna find it anywhere closer?” Ian shook his head. Jamie sighed. He glanced over at Claire quickly. “I’ll go.” 

All eyes turned to Jamie. Claire furrowed her brow. “Why would ye volunteer to go?” Ian asked. 

Jamie shrugged. “Ye shouldna want to leave yer pregnant wife. She gets closer to giving birth each day.” 

Jenny frowned. “I still have quite a while.” 

“Still,” Jamie insisted. “I’ll go. I can leave in a couple days. We dinna need it urgently. But I can take care of it.” 

Claire was silent but watched Jamie with a curious expression. Ian shrugged. “Up to ye, mate. Tis fine by me.” 

Jamie nodded, strolling from the room. Claire followed him. “You’re going to Edinburgh? Why were you so insistent on going?” 

Jamie turned around, drawing her close. “Edinburgh is a long way from Inverness. I thought we could go together.” 

Claire raised her eyebrows. “You want me to go with you?” 

“They’d never look for ye there.” He watched her as she toyed with the idea. 

She took a deep breath, winding her arms around his neck. “And what would we do there?” 

Jamie shrugged. “Get the new blade for the tractor?” Claire rolled her eyes, grinning despite herself. He pulled her flush against him. “Just be together, perhaps? No one to bother us. No one who kens the truth of us.” Claire smiled, looking into his eyes. “What do ye think?” 

Claire leaned up and kissed him softly. “I think it sounds wonderful.” 


	10. Getting Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader warning: descriptions of violence!

The further they got from Lallybroch, the more the tension drained from Claire’s body. Her hand was linked with Jamie’s as he drove. The scenery out the window was beautiful. It was something she hadn’t really noticed back in October when she was running away. Everyone knew the Highlands were breathtaking but this was the first time she could really appreciate it. 

They wandered aimlessly once they reached Edinburgh. Arms linked, they took in the sights and absorbed the peace they were afforded. Claire kept marveling at how natural it all felt. Being with Jamie in Edinburgh pushed the rest of their situation to the back of her mind. It felt like they were simply a normal couple visiting the city and she planned to relish every minute of it. 

Walking into their hotel room, Jamie dropped his bag on the chair near the door. Claire couldn’t help but stand just inside, looking around. It had been only two months since the last time she’d been in a hotel room, but everything felt different this time. The biggest change was that she wasn’t afraid of the man with her. She watched him as he walked through the room, looking around. He glanced over at her, a question in his eyes. She simply smiled in reply. 

Claire set her bag down before planting herself on the bench at the front of the bed. “One bed,” she said with a grin, “that’s awfully presumptuous, Mr. Fraser.” 

Jamie matched her grin as he sat down next to her. “Ye say that as though we havena shared a bed before. Or many times in the past couple of weeks.” He took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb along her palm. “Though I suppose it is a bit different here, no’ being surrounded by two other adults and a bairn.” 

Claire chuckled. “Just a bit.” She looked up at Jamie, noting his hesitance. “But you know, nothing has to happen unless both of us want it to.” 

Jamie watched her for a moment. “Aye. I wouldna dream of asking ye to do something ye werena ready for.” 

Claire bit back a smile, looking down at their hands. She simply nodded in reply. They’d never come this close to discussing it before. At Lallybroch, it was easy to put off the conversation due to the other inhabitants. But as it was, Claire craved him. Sometimes their kisses weren’t quite enough, but she could never push it further. Maybe things would be different this time around. Jamie seemed hesitant, though. She certainly agreed with his statement; she couldn’t push him to do something he wasn’t ready for. At nearly each point, he’d seemed unsure and she’d been the one to urge him to be with her. She couldn’t do that this time though. It was a line they needed to cross together. 

That night, she laid in his arms as they’d done several times at Lallybroch. Claire curled in impossibly close to him, the heat of his body calming her. Somehow when his arms were around her, she found herself completely at peace. It was a strange phenomenon. She wouldn’t change it for the world. And she certainly wouldn’t take it for granted. 

* * *

_ Jamie had been at camp a lot longer than anyone had intended or expected. Each time he thought of going back, an uncontrollable fear crept over him, rendering him useless. The only times he’d been able to fully bring himself back from that had been with Claire’s help. She was the light in the darkness of the war. He thought surely everyone knew the feelings he had for her. No matter how much he wanted to deny it all, he couldn’t ignore the way his whole body lit up when she was around. Her idea to get him extra time to heal had been risky, but she wouldn’t let him back out of it. Still, he often worried someone would find out and she’d get in trouble. He’d have done anything to protect her.  _

_ But she wasn’t his.  _

_ He often had to remind himself of that. Claire Randall was a fantastic nurse, a beautiful woman, a wonderful listener, and a married woman. There was no denying that he wanted her, but he couldn’t have her. Each time she came to “check” his wounds, he had to fight the reaction he had to her touch. She was gentle and kind to him in a time when nothing in the world was gentle or kind. Without him even knowing it, she’d become his safe haven, one he was scared to leave.  _

_ Their secret meetings outside the camp had been fortifying to his soul. They’d had no issues growing close to each other from inside the tent, but being alone in the trees, with no prying eyes or ears made their connection feel even stronger. His feelings were deepening. It was hard some days to focus on anything but Claire. Most nights, he fell asleep thinking of her. And then most mornings, he woke up reminding himself that he couldn’t have her. The cycle was brutal.  _

_ One night, he laid there, sleep evading him. He had been laying on his side for a long time when he heard two of the nurses talking. They’d paused in their nightly rounds just a few feet from his cot. The two women were caught up in an intense conversation and didn’t seem to notice him peek over his shoulder to identify them. Nurse Miller and Nurse Smith. Nurse Miller had been the one to find him the night he’d had a strong panic attack. Nurse Smith had been the one to go get Claire. Without saying it outright, Jamie knew that Claire didn’t like or seem to trust Nurse Smith. He often wanted to know why, but he thought she’d tell him if it was something she should share.  _

_ Jamie decided quickly to feign sleep. Their conversation seemed private, but he couldn’t help his curiosity. Nurse Smith seemed especially angry about something. Miller was quieter, but occasionally agreed with the statements being made.  _

_ “I just don’t understand how she gets away with it all,” Smith complained, her volume growing slightly. “Maybe she’s sleeping with Campbell so she can do whatever she wants.”  _

_ There was silence from Miller. Jamie wanted to know which woman Smith was accusing of such things.  _

_ “I don’t know about that,” Miller disagreed. “I mean, if she’s sleeping with anyone, we both know who it is.”  _

_ Smith chuckled. “Of course. Fraser.”  _

_ Jamie’s body went rigid. He knew then who they were talking about. Claire.  _

_ “God, sometimes I just want her to get her comeuppance. She’s not any better than the rest of us nurses and yet she bends the rules to do whatever she wants,” Smith continued. “You know she lied to keep Fraser here. I’m sure that was just because she didn’t want to lose a steady shag.”  _

_ Jamie fought to keep himself still. He wanted nothing more than to sit up and inform the women of how wrong they are. They wouldn’t believe him, though. Surely the two nurses would think he was just covering for Claire.  _

_ “My God, Smith,” Miller gasped. Jamie was happy that at least someone was defending Claire.  _

_ “Do you think I’m wrong?” Smith asked.  _

_ There was a beat of silence. “Not necessarily, but still.” Jamie breathed out a sigh. Apparently no one was coming to Claire’s defense.  _

_ “Maybe I should write a letter to her husband. I’m sure she won’t feel so sure of herself when her husband knows of her secret wartime affair,” Smith threatened.  _

_ Jamie’s breath was growing shorter. He was terrified for Claire. But it was all his fault. He’d been the one to help perpetuate such rumors. Their closeness had been something he craved, something he felt he needed. But what was the cost? Claire could lose her job, or worse, have her husband told lies that would ruin her life.  _

_ The two nurses continued talking, but Jamie could hear none of it. His brain was moving too fast, jumping from idea to idea. At the end of it all, he had reached an important conclusion: he had to leave. It was the only way to protect Claire from rumors. She’d done nothing but help him. Maybe this time he could do the same.  _

_ The idea of leaving killed him. He wanted nothing more than to stay and spend his time with her. But he couldn’t do that anymore. Yet again he was reminded that she wasn’t his. She never would be. He needed to leave and she needed to avoid any other questions about her honor. His fears about going back hadn’t completely subsided, but for Claire, he’d brave them. He decided that the next morning, he’d find Claire and tell her to clear him.  _

_ But when the sun rose the next morning, he couldn’t do it.  _

_ He wasn’t quite ready to return. But more than that, he wasn’t ready to leave Claire. For both their sakes, he didn’t go to their meeting spot that day. If he was truly going to leave, he couldn’t tease himself with more of her. The next day, he avoided her as well. She never commented on anything when she was acting as his nurse. He skipped five days in total before he had worked up the courage to finally have himself cleared. Her face hid nothing. She seemed devastated at his request. Her moment of hesitation was enough to make him waver for just a second. Steeling himself, he repeated his request for leave. Claire stared at him for a long time before she ever replied. Her voice was so soft she could barely be heard.  _

_ “Okay.”  _

_ So many instincts were trying to propel him forward. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her the truth of it. But Jamie knew he couldn’t. She would confront the nurses and it would only cause more questions. He wanted to spend more time with her before he had to leave, but for his own sanity, he couldn’t do so.  _

_ It was another week, an agonizing seven days, before he finally shipped back out with fresh new orders. The jeep was rolling away from the camp when he turned to look back. His last image of Claire Randall was her standing there, curled in on herself, watching him go. He’d prayed for many things in his life, especially during the war, but the only thing he could pray for after he left was for Claire’s safety. “At the end of his prayers each night, he whispered the same thing, “Please keep her safe.”  _

* * *

Their third day in Edinburgh had begun normally. They’d shared a simple breakfast together before going out to do some shopping. Christmas was but a fortnight away and Jamie didn’t have anything for his family. After all they’d done for her, Claire wanted to be able to give them gifts as well. 

They were in a shop on the Royal Mile, browsing separately. Claire was looking at a jumper she thought Ian might like when her name was called. Turning to look, she spotted a most unlikely person from her past. 

“Anne Miller?” Claire asked, hanging the jumper back up and walking toward her old nursing friend. “Goodness, it’s good to see you.” 

“It’s good to see you as well!” Miller said, wrapping Claire in a hug. 

“What brings you to Scotland?” Claire asked. 

“Well, after the war I met someone and moved here to be closer to him,” Miller explained with a hesitant smile. “What about you? What are you doing here?”

Claire froze for just a moment. “More or less the same thing,” she replied with a small shrug. 

Miller’s brow furrowed as she watched Claire. “What about your husband?” 

Claire took a deep breath, ready to spout out her biggest lie yet. “He died in the war.” 

Miller’s eyes went wide before an apologetic look crossed her face. “Claire, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize. You never said anything.” 

“I didn’t know. It happened so late in the war that I didn’t know until I returned to London,” Claire continued to lie. 

“Goodness, I’m sorry.” Miller shook her head in sympathy. “You said you already found someone new?” she asked, a curious tone. 

Before Claire could answer, Jamie found her. “Sassenach, what do ye think of this scarf for Jenny?” Jamie asked, presenting her with a beautiful purple scarf. 

He didn’t seem to notice the other woman. Claire looked down at the scarf. “I think she’ll love it.” 

“I figure she’ll be able to wear it even as she continues to grow,” Jamie reasoned. He smiled at Claire before he glanced over to the other woman. It was only then that he realized Claire had been part of a conversation. She watched as his eyes finally ended on recognition. “Nurse Miller.” 

“Fraser,” Miller replied with a nod. “It’s been a while.” 

__ “Aye.” 

“Glad to see you made it out,” Miller said. “Would have been a shame for all of Claire’s efforts to go to waste.” Jamie was silent, though Claire chuckled lightly. “Anyway, it was lovely to see you both again, but I should be going.” 

“Yes, it was good to see you too,” Claire said, hugging her again. Miller left the store and Claire turned back to Jamie. She picked up the jumper she’d been considering before. “What do you think of this for Ian?” Jamie looked over, barely focusing on the jumper before he agreed quickly. 

As the morning progressed, Claire wondered what was bothering Jamie. He’d gotten very quiet, only responded with grunts or nods when necessary. Each time she touched him, he flinched away from her. She watched him as they continued shopping and he seemed to be up in his head. Nothing she said to him seemed to make much of an impact. 

Claire waited until they were taking their purchases back to their hotel room to mention anything. Jamie had barely sat down before she brought it up. “Okay, so what’s bothering you?” 

Jamie glanced up at her, his face blank. “Nothing.” 

Claire groaned. She took a few steps closer to him. “Don’t just say nothing. If you don’t want to talk about it, just say so. But don’t say that nothing is bothering you because I can clearly tell that something is.” 

“Fine, then. I dinna want to talk about it,” Jamie said. 

Claire felt deflated and mad at herself for giving him the excuse. “Come on, Jamie. Not even with me?” She pulled a chair closer to where he sat on the bench at the foot of the bed. “We were having a fine time and then all the sudden you just...changed. What was it?” 

Jamie looked up at her, a plea in his eyes to drop it. She couldn’t though. There was a desperation in her to know why he was acting differently. “Ye willna let it go, will ye?” Claire grinned with a shake of her head. Jamie sighed. “Fine. Twas seeing Miller.” He stood up and walked toward the other side of the room. 

Claire turned in her chair to watch him. “Miller? Why? What did it bring up memories of the war? We’ve talked about it plenty of times. Why would seeing her be so different?” 

Jamie watched Claire for a moment before answering. “It wasna the war. It was her.” 

She frowned, trying to understand what he meant. “Well what does that mean?” 

Jamie leaned against the door to their bathroom, his head tilted back. “They were the reason I left. Miller and Smith.” 

Claire stood from her chair. “Excuse me?” Jamie looked over at her, a miserable look on his face. “You know, even now, you’ve never told me why you left.” 

Jamie’s eyes turned toward the floor. He knew he hadn’t ever told her. “Twas because of them. I heard a conversation they had one night and I kent I had to leave.” 

“What did they say?” Claire pressed. 

Jamie crossed his arms, steeling himself. “They thought we were having an affair. Smith was certainly angry wi’ ye about something else and then they mentioned that. She said she had half a mind to write a letter to Frank.” Claire’s eyes went wide.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Because I knew what ye’d do. Ye’d go to them and tell them all the ways that they were wrong. But it wouldna have made any difference. The only way to get the rumors around ye to stop was for me to no’ be there anymore,” Jamie told her. “So that was when I stopped meeting ye privately and asked ye to clear me.” 

Claire was silent for a long moment, trying to process everything. “So you…” she stopped herself, taking a deep breath, “...you went back to the war to protect me?” Jamie wasn’t looking at her, but he nodded. “Well that’s idiotic!” Claire cried, making Jamie look up. “The whole point of our lie was to get you time to heal.” 

“I was healed enough,” Jamie insisted. “I couldna have gone back for anything when I was originally cleared. I might no’ have been able to do it at all if I hadna had a good reason as I did.” Claire’s face fell. “I dinna regret what I did. Or rather, why I did it.” 

Claire shook her head. All this new information was a bit overwhelming. A silence hung between them. She finally looked over at him, realizing he still hadn’t really admitted why it was all bothering him. “So what does that have to do with seeing her today?” 

Jamie’s eyes flicked to her. He sighed before looking away. “I saw the way she looked at us. It all felt the same as it did before. Suddenly it became painfully aware that despite the fact that ye ken of my feelings and I ken of yers, we’re essentially still in the same situation.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Ye’re still married, Claire,” Jamie reminded her, a bit brusquely. 

Claire groaned, crossing her arms across her chest. “Well she doesn’t know that. I told her Frank was dead.” 

Jamie’s eyes went wide. “Ye did what?” 

Claire shrugged. “I told her he died in the war. It’s not  _ that _ much of a lie. The man that I was married to didn’t really come back from war. I don’t feel remotely bad about saying it.” 

Jamie shook his head, starting to pace. “Christ, Claire.” She stood her ground and wouldn’t apologize for it. Her life would probably have been easier if Frank had died in the war. “Well even if she kent that, her look still made it feel just as it did back then. And it served to remind me that ye’re no’ a free woman. We may be able to pretend when we’re at Lallybroch or here where no one really kens us, but it’s true. Ye’re married. And I’m still in the same position I was eighteen months ago, holding onto feelings for a woman who isna mine to have.” 

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!” Claire cried, standing up from her chair. “You want to say things are the same they were then? That’s a fucking lie, Jamie. Everything is different. It all changed the minute my husband hit me. Believe me, I wish that I wasn’t married to him still. There’s a very sick, dark part of me that wishes he’d just died during the war. You can lie to yourself all you want, Jamie, but this is not the same situation it was in that medical tent. I know that you have some rigid moral code you’re trying to stick to, but don’t pretend that this is the same. I left him. I never plan to see the bloody man again. And I wish you would stop throwing my marriage back in my face each time you get scared.” 

“I’m no’ scared. Tis jus’ no’ right!” Jamie argued. 

“Well then you should have decided that weeks ago before you admitted that you felt the same way for me,” Claire fired back. “But you let this happen. You were the one to kiss me. I wanted it to happen, but don’t forget your role in all this. You brought me here. Don’t call me a harlot and paint yourself as some naive boy.” 

Jamie sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Christ, that’s no’ what I’m saying at all. It’s just...it’s hard for me, alright? I wish ye were just mine.” 

“I fucking am!” Claire yelled. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t even wear his ring.” She sighed, planting herself back down in her chair. 

“I canna help how I feel,” Jamie said in a small voice. 

“I can’t either,” Claire defended. 

Jamie moved toward the door. “I need to take a walk.” 

Claire jumped up, going towards him. “Jamie, don’t go.” 

“I just need some time to think,” he pleaded, a sad look in his eyes. 

Claire shook her head, stepping back from him. She hoped the tears in her eyes wouldn’t fall. “Fine. Go.” Walking away, she sat down in her chair, her back to him. 

“Claire,” Jamie started. 

“You want your space, so take it. Just go,” Claire ordered. There was a long, silent pause before she heard the door open and close. Once he was out of the room, she curled in on herself, letting her tears fall. For easily the hundredth time since she returned from war, she cursed Frank Randall’s name. 

* * *

Jamie walked through the city, observing the people happily going about their days. He wished he felt that same peace. Hell, he wished he felt the same peace he’d had earlier that morning. Even if it was wrong, he enjoyed the time he got with Claire when the nature of their situation was pushed to the back of his mind. Seeing Miller had brought it all back.  _ The hidden feelings. The fear of leaving her. The hatred at knowing she wasn’t his _ . He hated knowing that he’d hurt Claire, but he didn’t know what to do. 

He continued walking, not really paying much attention to his surroundings. His mind was on Claire and on the difficulty of the relationship between them. Things should be simpler. They both had feelings for the other and wanted to be together. It should be that easy. But it wasn’t. He knew it was his own fault that it wasn’t easier, but that didn’t help. 

A person tried to run past him, making Jamie jump to the side. He paused, taking in the area. He’d been up in his own head too much. That was when he noticed it. The sign that made a kernel of hope start to expand within him. He almost laughed in his own disbelief. Opening up the door, he walked inside, catching the man himself as he was leaving his office. 

“Ned?” Jamie asked. 

The older man looked over, shock covering his face. “Jamie! Lad, whatever brings ye here?” 

“I was walking down the street and I saw yer sign there. I thought ye were living in Inverness.” 

Ned smiled, shaking his head. “I actually moved back here a few months ago. I needed the bigger city.” 

“So ye’re practicing and everything then?” Jamie asked. Ned nodded happily. Jamie paused for just a moment. “Would ye mind if I brought someone to ye? She’s in need of someone like ye.” 

Ned raised one eyebrow. “No’ at all, my lad. Anything for Brian’s son.” 

Jamie felt a sad smile cross his face at the mention of his father. “Thank ye, Ned. I’ll be back soon.” 

“I was just about to go to lunch. But I’ll get something quick,” Ned promised. “I’ll see ye in a bit then.” 

“Great. Thank ye so much!” Jamie said, clapping him on the shoulder. 

Jamie tore out of the building, racing back to the hotel. Turns out his walk had really done the trick. He only hoped that Claire would be willing to meet with Ned. 

* * *

Claire understood where Jamie was coming from, but she also couldn’t deny that she was angry. All she had wanted was a nice trip away from Lallybroch with him but then he had to pull this shit on her. She shook her head, fuming slightly, as she pulled out her suitcase and started throwing clothes back in it. Walking into the bathroom, she grabbed all her toiletries and threw them unceremoniously back in the suitcase as well. She needed to rush if she was going to be ready to leave by the time Jamie returned. He would be allowed the knowledge that Frank wasn’t: he’d get to know she was leaving. 

Not long after Jamie left, the door burst back open and Jamie raced inside, an excited look on his face. The excitement turned to terror as he saw the suitcase sitting open on the bed. He looked up to Claire, heartbreak written on his face. Shaking his head, he stepped towards her. “I’m sorry,” he choked out. “Please dinna go. I...I ken I was an ass. But I canna lose ye again, Claire, please.” 

Claire closed her eyes, letting her tears fall down her cheeks. Jamie nervously placed his hands on either side of her face. “I’m sorry, truly. I ken it’s no’ just me in this. And yer feelings matter too, no’ just mine. Please, Claire. I’m so sorry I hurt ye. Believe me.” 

She opened her eyes and looked up at him, letting him see the full heartbreak within her. “Jamie, I don’t want to leave. I just want you to talk to me. You decided everything for us based on how you alone felt. That’s not very fair.” 

He rested his forehead against hers. “Aye, I ken that. I’m sorry. I had all these fears spring back up within me after seeing her in that shop. And it terrified me. But I canna let ye go. No’ again. I’ll do anything. Please forgive me.” 

Claire reached up and ran a hand against his cheek. “Forgiven,” she whispered. 

Jamie released a sigh of relief, pulling her closer to him. “Thank ye, Sassenach.” He pulled back and looked at her. “I promise I willna just leave again.” 

“You better not,” she warned. 

A silence hung between them as they just held the other. Jamie leaned up and kissed her forehead. “I can understand if ye dinna want to, but I have something I need to show ye.” 

Claire pulled back, looking at him, curiosity in her eyes. She simply nodded and they left hand in hand. It was reassuring to have him not flinch away this time. 

Jamie finally stopped on a sidewalk, staring at a building with a smile on his face. Claire looked from the building to Jamie and back again. “Jamie, is there a reason you wanted to show me this rather small building?” 

Jamie looked over to her. “Aye, because it’s a rather small law office building.” Claire’s eyes went wide, looking back at the building. “This is the office of an old family friend, Ned Gowan. If anyone can help ye, I feel confident it’s him.” 

She glanced back at Jamie, watching him for a moment. “You found me a lawyer?” 

Jamie nodded. “If that’s still what ye want.” 

Claire shot him a look. “You know that I wanted to divorce Frank long before any of this happened,” she said, squeezing his hand for emphasis. “You really think he’ll be able to do it?” 

“I do,” Jamie assured her. “I’d have brought ye to him a long time ago but I thought he was in Inverness. Twas pure happenstance that I came across him today.” 

Claire sighed, staring up at the building. “Maybe it’s a good thing the tractor broke,” she mused. 

Jamie leaned in and kissed her temple. “Indeed. Shall we go in?” Claire nodded, following him inside the building. They were greeted rather quickly by a kind looking, older man. He smiled immediately at the sight of Jamie walking in. 

“Ah, Jamie, lad, ye’re back.” 

“Ned, there’s someone I’d like ye to meet. This is Claire Randall,” he introduced, gently nudging Claire forward. “She was the lass I mentioned earlier.” 

“Yes, of course. Tis a pleasure to meet ye, Miss Randall,” he said, reaching out for her hand. 

“It’s actually Mrs. Randall,” Claire corrected. “Though that’s the reason why I’m here.” 

Ned’s brows furrowed for a moment before he gestured them into his office. “Right this way, ye two. We’ll see what we can do.” They sat down in the two chairs across from the desk. “So ye’re seeking a divorce then?” Ned asked. 

“That’s right, I am.” 

He nodded once. “Now, I’m sure I dinna need to tell ye that women more often than no’ canna file for divorce on their own. Tis usually the husband who has to file. Unless there are specific circumstances.” 

“Would abuse count as one of those specific circumstances?” Claire asked bluntly. Ned’s eyes widened. “I know that it isn’t likely for a woman to do this, but you have to understand that I can’t stay married to this man.” 

Ned closed his eyes, nodding. He pulled out a notepad and looked up at her. “I’ll need ye to tell me everything if we’re to see if we have a case here.” 

Claire steeled herself before she agreed. “Very well. What would you like to know, Mr. Gowan?” Jamie looked over at her, concern on his face. She flashed him a small smile before turning her gaze back to Ned. 

“Ye can call me Ned, lass,” he said with a smile. “How about we start with when the abuse began.” 

She nodded. “The first time it happened was two months after the war ended. I don’t remember the exact date, but it was in June.” 

“And what did he do?” Ned asked, looking up at her. He must have seen the discomfort on her face. “I’m sorry, lass, but we will have to have a full report if we plan to get this taken care of.” 

Claire swallowed past the lump in her throat. She ignored Jamie’s hand reaching out toward her. This was her task to go through on her own. She was strong enough. “The first time he slapped me across the face.” 

“And the next time?” 

“The next time was a couple of weeks later. He’d been very apologetic at first. That eventually faded. The second time he took my head and bashed it against the wall. I lost consciousness for a few minutes,” Claire explained. “After that there was a long period where he didn’t hurt me. But then of course, it did happen again. I think it was about a month later. He punched me in the stomach.” She sat there, tensing her entire body as she told of nearly each time her husband had hurt her. 

“How many incidents were there in all?” 

Claire closed her eyes, trying to mentally count them. With a sigh, she said, “I believe ten altogether.” 

“Did ye ever retaliate?” 

Claire shook her head. “No. I knew his temper well enough to know it would only cause me more pain.” 

“When was the last time he hurt ye?” Ned asked. 

“That was the 5th of October,” Claire informed him. 

“So it’s been awhile then,” Ned pressed. 

“Only because on the 7th of October, I ran away. We were in Inverness and I took our car and abandoned it near the standing stones. I walked for a while before someone offered me a ride. I alternated walking and riding further and further from Inverness,” Claire retold. 

“And when did ye stop?” 

“It began to rain. I decided to stop at the first place I saw which happened to be Lallybroch.” 

Ned’s head turned to look at Jamie for the first time since Claire had been speaking. “And ye’ve been there ever since?” 

“Yes. Jamie and Ian insisted I stay for my own protection,” Claire told him.  

“And yer husband has no knowledge of where ye could be?” Ned asked. 

“No,” Jamie answered, “he doesna. I met the man in Inverness a month ago and he seemed to have no notion of where she could be.” 

“Very well then. I’m assuming if yer husband is violent, ye’re trying to keep yer whereabouts a secret?” 

“Yes.” 

Ned was silent for a moment, staring at his notes. He glanced up at Claire. “Did his attacks ever leave ye wi’ a mark?” 

“Yes. There were often bruises. Sometimes there were cuts,” Claire answered. 

“Do ye have any evidence of such times?”

Claire closed her eyes, shaking her head. “I’m afraid not.”

“That’s no’ true!” Jamie interrupted. Claire looked over at him. “Ye have the scar on yer shoulder.” He glanced to Ned. “She’s a scar from one of his attacks. That’s proof enough, surely.” 

Ned stood from his desk, approaching Claire. “Would ye allow me to see it? I’m sorry if that feels indecent.” 

“I’ll do whatever I have to do to get my divorce,” Claire insisted, unbuttoning her shirt slightly so she could reveal the scar on her shoulder. 

“Goodness,” Ned whispered as he looked at the scar. “I’m so sorry, lass.” Claire nodded in reply as she replaced her shirt. “Did the doctors or nurses at the hospital ever ask ye how ye got such an injury?” 

“I wasn’t allowed to go to the hospital,” Claire informed him. “Frank panicked after it happened. He’d hit me with a bottle and the broken glass did that. He wouldn’t let me go. So after he was asleep, I stitched myself back up.” 

Ned’s eyes went wide as he listened to her story. “Good Lord.” 

“So you can clearly see why I’m trying to get away from this man. I was fearing for my life. That’s why I ran and that’s why I can’t see him again,” Claire practically pleaded. 

With a deep breath, Ned nodded. “I believe I can take on yer case. Now, what are ye wanting from him?” 

“Nothing,” Claire said immediately. “I don’t want a bloody thing from him but my freedom.” 

“Are ye sure?” Ned double checked. 

“Yes. I have an inheritance from my parents and my uncle which should be enough to get me by,” Claire assured. “I don’t want anything of his.” 

“Well that should make it all go a bit quicker,” Ned said with a kind smile. “I’ll begin working on the papers. I’ll need ye to write down yer full name and yer husband’s full name for my records to start.” Claire took his notepad and wrote everything he asked of her. Jamie told Ned where they were staying, in case the papers were finished before they left. “I will do my best to get them finished as quickly as possible. I can see this is incredibly important.” 

Claire walked forward, wrapping her arms around Ned. “Thank you so very much, Mr. Gowan.” 

Ned smiled at her. “Like I said, ye should call me Ned. And if I can do at least a bit to help ye, my dear, I am more than happy to.” 

Jamie and Claire bid farewell to Ned, thanking him numerous times again. A heavy silence hung between them as walked back to the hotel. As they got closer to the hotel, Jamie turned to her. “How would ye feel about lunch? We never did eat.” 

Claire’s arms were wrapped around her torso and she couldn’t meet his eyes. “I don’t feel much like eating.” She continued walking but Jamie stopped her. 

“Sassenach, are ye alright?” 

Claire couldn’t help but glare at him. “No, Jamie, I’m not. I just had to tell in full detail all the horrific things that have happened to me. I never planned to do that. The original plan was to get away from him, disappear, go somewhere new and live by a new name. But that wasn’t what’s happened, is it? So now I’ve spent the last hour regaling all the horrors from my past. I’m sorry, but I’m not exactly up for lunch right now.” 

Jamie’s eyes closed, his head looking down. “I’m so sorry, Claire. I’m a fool. Twas my fault ye had to do that.” 

Finally unfurling her arms, Claire reached up and cupped his cheek. “I needed a lawyer and you found me one who actually took my case. This was just a necessary burden of trying to rid myself of Frank. I don’t blame you. I just feel...raw.” 

Jamie nodded, bringing her in closer, running a hand up and down her back. “How about ye go back to the room and rest. Heal a bit if ye can. I’ll find us something to eat. Eventually ye’ll be hungry.” He looked down at her, nerves covering his face. “Does that sound alright?” 

Claire met his gaze. “That sounds fine. Thank you.” 

Jamie leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Ye dinna have to thank me for anythin’, Sassenach.” 

* * *

They spent most of the afternoon and into the early evening in a comfortable silence. Claire still felt raw and Jamie was too nervous to press her to do anything. She knew the sight of her packing her suitcase had thoroughly shaken him. In truth, she didn’t want to go anywhere, certainly not away from him, but she’d been angry enough to go earlier in the day. Now as he tried to take care of her from a respectful distance, she was feeling better. 

Claire was sitting up on the bed, her legs pulled to her chest, trying to make her mind linger on anything but Frank’s abuse. Telling those stories had left her feeling worse than she’d expected. Hopefully it would come with a resolution and a purpose for her pain. Jamie brought her over a glass of water. He sat down on the bed next to her, urging her to drink. She’d barely eaten when he brought them food earlier. Claire dutifully drank the water he offered before placing the glass on the bedside table. She was grateful for the ways Jamie was trying to take care of her. Curling into his side, her head laid on his shoulder. His arm came slowly around her waist, pulling her ever so slightly closer. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair. 

“For what?” she asked. 

“I’m just imagining what it would be like if I sat down in front of Jenny or Ian, or worse, a stranger, and had to tell them all that happened to me when I was held prisoner by the German soldiers,” Jamie explained. “It would be another form of torture. I’m sorry that, even if it was necessary, I put ye through that.” 

Claire leaned her head forward and placed a small kiss against his neck. “You don’t need to be sorry. Like you said, it was necessary.” She curled into his side even further. “And believe me, this helps.” 

Jamie laid a kiss in her hair. “I just...I’d never want to do anything to hurt ye.” 

“You couldn’t,” Claire promised. 

Jamie let out a dark laugh. “I did this morning.” 

Claire lifted her head off his shoulder and looked at him. “You didn’t hurt me. I was just angry. I was angry that it didn’t feel like you trusted me. Or trusted us,” she said, holding his hand. 

“I do,” he assured her, brushing her hair behind her ear. “Sometimes I just get a bit...stupid.” 

Claire laughed, laying her head back on his shoulder. “I’ll give you that.” 

Jamie shook his head, pulling her closer, essentially on his lap. “I promise that I’ll no’ go anywhere.” 

She wrapped her arms around his neck, looking him in the eye. “I don’t want to either.” 

They leaned in slowly, meeting for a short kiss. Jamie watched her as she pulled away. He took a deep breath. “I love ye, Claire.” She stared at him, opening her mouth to reply before he stopped her. “Dinna say it back!” he suddenly commanded. 

“What?” Claire cried, smacking him on the arm. 

“I dinna want ye to say it just because I said it. Or to feel like ye have to say it because I said it,” Jamie reasoned. “I just want ye to ken that it’s how I feel.” 

“So I can never say it if you’ve said it first?” Claire asked, rubbing her hand along his cheek. 

He grinned. “Jus’ no’ the first time, aye?” 

Claire shook her head with an amused grin. She leaned in and gave him a lingering kiss. “I’m glad to know that,” she said against his lips. 

“Good,” he whispered, meeting her for another kiss. “Because I do, I love ye.” 

Claire pulled back with an indignant look on her face. “How many times are you going to say it before you allow me to?” 

Jamie grinned, his hands tightening around her waist. “Just sometime when ye feel the need and I havena said it first, say it then. If that’s how ye feel.” 

Claire rolled her eyes, kissing him one more time. She laid her head back on his shoulder, her arms around his neck, just comfortable being with him. Mentally, she pointed out that this was how fights were supposed to be settled: by talking things out and coming back together. That, and trying to do better the next time. They were sitting there in a peaceful embrace when a knock at their hotel room door startled them. 

Opening the door, Jamie was startled to see Ned on the other side. “What are ye doing here?” 

Ned held up a large envelope. “The papers ye requested,” he said, handing them over to Claire. 

Jamie and Claire stared at the envelope before looking back at Ned. “Ye mean ye drew them up already?” Ned nodded with a smile. “But that was only hours ago.” 

Ned shrugged. “As I said, with her not wanting anything from Mr. Randall, it all became very simple. And I made it my top priority for the day. Though, I must say, this did beat my record on fastest time. That was exciting for me.” 

Claire laughed, opening the envelope to take them out. “Multiple copies?” she asked, looking to Ned. 

“Aye, one copy for ye and one copy for Mr. Randall,” Ned informed her. “Given the things ye’ve said about yer husband, I’d keep yers in a secret place where no one kens where they are. Just in case we should need a separate copy.” 

Ned took one copy from Claire and walked over to the table. He pulled out a pen and handed it to Claire. “Now, I’ll need ye to sign here.” She eagerly took the pen from him and signed each one of her names on the line he pointed to. “There ye are. Now I’ll take this copy and deliver it personally to Mr. Randall.” 

Claire gaped at Ned. “You’d do that?” 

“Well ye canna go yerself. Ye’re hiding from the man,” Ned reminded her. “I dinna trust a courier wi’ something like this so I can do it myself. Do ye believe he’d still be in Inverness?” 

“He was still there a month ago. I’d be willing to bet he’s still there,” Jamie answered. 

Claire nodded in agreement. “He had a good friend, Reverend Wakefield, who would likely know where he is. He lived in the manse on -” 

“Ah, yes, I remember the Reverend,” Ned said with a nod. “I ken just where that is.” 

“Other than my signature, is there anything you need from me?” Claire asked, bouncing on her heels a bit. 

“No’ a thing, my dear. I shall send ye word at Lallybroch when I’ve delivered the papers, but dinna worry, I’ll no’ let the man ken where ye are,” Ned assured. 

Claire shook her head in awe. “I truly cannot thank you enough, Ned. What you’re doing for me is just incredible. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.” 

Ned waved her off. “Dinna mention it, lass. I’d do anything for the Frasers, but hearing yer story made me feel morally obligated to help ye get away from this man. I hope that this can end quickly for ye.” 

Claire nodded in agreement. “Yes, I do too. How long do you think it might take?” 

Ned shrugged. “There’s no telling I’m afraid. If Mr. Randall signs them immediately, then it can be considered official. But if he drags his feet, it will take time.” 

“So it all comes down to Frank signing the papers?” Claire asked, nerves now taking over her. 

“More or less. This is why I wanted to deliver the papers myself.” 

Claire took a deep breath before she nodded her understanding. “Very well then. Thank you, Ned. I can’t thank you too many times.” 

Ned bowed his head to Claire before quickly making his exit. Claire stared down at the copy of the divorce papers in her hand. She shook her head, unable to believe it had happened so fast. Her eyes glanced up and caught Jamie staring at her, an unreadable look on his face. “I can’t believe it.” She breathed out a laugh. “I could be divorced by Christmas.” 

Jamie stepped closer, looking down at the papers in her hands. “That would be quite a gift.” 

Claire put the papers down and wrapped her arms around Jamie’s neck. “That would be  _ two _ gifts.” He rolled his eyes but grinned. Claire laughed. “Too cheesy?” 

“Perhaps,” he said before closing the distance between them. 

She broke their kiss to plant kisses along his jaw and down his neck. “Earlier,” she said in between kisses, “you said you didn’t feel I was yours.” She kissed him hard on the mouth before taking his head in her hands and staring into his eyes. “I’ve done all I can to rid myself of him. I signed the papers. It’s all but official.” Leaning back in until their lips nearly met again, she paused. “I’m yours, James Fraser. I’m all yours.” 

Jamie didn’t wait for her to move before he pulled her closer, crushing his mouth to hers. Her hands flew behind him, one clutching his back and the other finding purchase in his hair. Jamie’s hands roved, working to pull her as close as possible. The fact that no one was going to interrupt them was not lost on Claire. She felt his tongue against her lip and opened her mouth to him. Her body was flush against his and she could feel how he wanted her. And she certainly wanted him too. 

She stepped back from him, moving to unbutton her shirt. Jamie froze watching her do so. But before she could completely shed the top, he stopped her. “What?” she asked, her mind in a haze of desire. 

“We dinna have to do this,” he offered. 

“Do you not want me?” she said in a small voice, her fears coming to light. 

He stepped toward her. “Of course I do. It has nothing to do wi’ that.” 

She pulled her shirt so she was completely covered. “Well then what is it?” Claire looked down at her feet. “I thought it might have been the fact that Jenny and Ian were around. And then here I thought it might have been the whole divorce thing. But now -” 

“I’m a virgin,” Jamie blurted. Claire’s head snapped up to look at him. She noted the red creeping into his cheeks. 

“You are?” she asked. He nodded, not really meeting her gaze. “Well why didn’t you just say so? Do you think I care?” Jamie shrugged. Claire walked forward and laid her hands on his arms. “We don’t have to go any further if you don’t want to. Like we said a couple of days ago.” 

Jamie looked up at her, his hand coming to rest on her cheek. “No, I do want to. I just…” 

Claire wrapped an arm around his waist. “What?” 

He looked down again, his voice but a whisper. “I dinna want to disappoint ye.” 

She couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Jamie’s eyes snapped up to her. “God, you won’t disappoint me.” Jamie started to grumble his disagreement. She grabbed his face in both her hands. “All I want is you.” 

That silenced him. They met in a tender kiss that only held a fraction of the heat from earlier. It was one of reassurance, one of acknowledgment of all that was between them. Quickly, the heat returned as well, as they held the other as close as possible. Jamie started walking them back toward the bed, his hands reaching to brush Claire’s open shirt off her shoulders. She reached for the hem of the jumper he was wearing, quickly tearing it off of him. Their lips crashed back together as they tried to rid the other of their clothing without parting. Claire ripped off her bra. Before it even hit the floor, Jamie’s hand was covering her breast. She sighed at the feeling, pushing her chest forward. 

A mixture of sighs and gasps echoed through the air as their clothes hit the floor and their hands found new places. Jamie’s eyes were dark as he pulled back to look at her, glancing past her to the bed. She looked over her shoulder and glanced back to him, a devious glint in her eyes as she leaned in and kissed him almost sinfully. Jamie groaned into her mouth, guiding her back until her legs hit the bed. He laid her down gently before quickly crawling over her. She was already ready for him. It had been a long time coming. 

Jamie seemed to be prolonging the buildup between them as he kissed his way down her neck and across her chest. Claire clung to him, letting him set the pace. His mouth attached to her chest and she writhed beneath him. Her hand ignored her mind and drifted down to grab ahold of him. His eyes fluttered shut as he gasped, his body stilling above her. He picked up his head, staring deep into her eyes. A small nod between them and she was guiding him into her. 

Both of them groaned at their joining. Jamie was still a moment inside her. Claire tried to be still and let him adjust, but she couldn’t help moving against him. Her hand flew to his neck, holding onto him as he started to move within her. Jamie’s mouth returned to her neck and she gasped. Her hips met his thrust for thrust. She grabbed his arse, bringing him in deeper. 

“Christ, Sassenach,” he moaned against her. She looked up at him and he met her for a long kiss as he continued to move inside her. He was holding on for as long as he could. Two, three more thrusts and he was laying spent on top of her. Claire kissed his cheek. He pushed himself up to look at her, giving her a long kiss before he flopped down on the bed next to her. 

He seemed dazed, in his own world as he lay there. She grinned at the sight of him. Another urge came over her and she discreetly tried to take care of it. He was staring up at the ceiling and she slowly crept her hand down to her center. She bit her lip when she made contact, trying to be as subtle as possible. There was no way she wanted him to think he’d disappointed her. This had been what she’d ended up doing most times she’d laid with Frank. 

She jerked a bit as her release neared, startling Jamie out of his daze. Her hand stilled as he looked over at her. “What are ye doing?” 

“Nothing,” she said a bit breathlessly. 

He looked down, noting her hand and was silent for a moment. “Show me how,” he urged. 

Claire stared at him for a moment, awe taking over her. She grabbed his hand and guided him to her. He was an eager student, listening to her instructions.  _ Firmer. Faster. There, right there. _ Soon she was grinding against his hand, finding her own release. Claire laid gasping, trying to gain her breath again. Jamie was laying next to her again, a smile plastered on his face. She rolled over on her side, kissing his shoulder. 

He looked over at her. “Ye could have just told me what to do next,” he offered. 

She chuckled, kissing him again. “I didn’t want you to think it was anything but perfect,” she whispered. 

He turned onto his side, his hand coming up to cup her cheek. “Ye’re perfect.” She smiled before leaning up to meet him for a long, languid kiss. 

They laid there for a while, taking full advantage of the afterglow. Jamie laid on his stomach, his head resting on his arms as he stared at her. She matched his pose, smiling back at him. Her eyes drifted. He didn’t flinch as her fingers reached out to trace the web of scars on his back. 

“I was pretty smart,” he said, breaking the silence. 

“Oh? And how’s that?” Claire asked with a grin.  

“I was smart to fall for the nurse who healed my back,” Jamie mused. “Ye’d already seen the ugliness of it. Ye wouldna be scared off by it.” 

She could tell he was joking, but she knew there was a hint of truth to his statement. Claire looked over at his back again, her fingers splayed across it. “It’s not ugly.” Jamie scoffed. “I mean it. I look at it and you can see the violence behind it. But you survived. It’s just a sign that you survived something truly terrible. It’s not ugly, Jamie. It’s beautiful.” 

Jamie flipped over onto his back, pulling Claire closer. “I think ye’re just biased.” 

Claire climbed up and straddled him, her hands resting on his chest. “I’m anything but biased. I only speak the truth,” she whispered as she leaned down and kissed him. 

He held her there, kissing her deeply as her hips started to move against his. She felt him harden beneath her. Jamie’s hands slid down her back, grabbing hold of her buttocks. She sighed into his mouth as his hands kneaded against her. 

Claire sat up slightly, her hand reaching down to guide him inside her again. Jamie’s mouth was busy against her chest. Soon they were moving together, rocking against the other. Jamie reached up and pushed her hair from her face. He watched her as his hands roved her body. Laying back, he groaned as Claire continued to move on top of him. She leaned down, crushing her mouth to his, her tongue quickly invading his mouth. Jamie clutched her to him, his hands moving up and down her back. 

Suddenly, she felt it, that far off feeling racing closer. Laying out against Jamie, she continued to thrust against him. In a move that surprised her, Jamie flipped them over, pushing deeper into her from the new angle. She groaned, her head flying back against the pillow. Her leg wrapped around his waist. Soon enough, she was there, her walls tightening around him as she cried out. Jamie was right behind her, spilling into her with a groan. 

They laid together, both of them panting. Claire looked over at Jamie, matching satisfied grins on both their faces. She laced their fingers together. A feeling of contentment washed over her that she’d never felt before. 

Aside from basic needs, they didn’t move much from the bed that night. It was much later when Claire was laying in Jamie’s arms. Her back met his chest as his arms closed around her. She sighed happily, linking her arms with his. Jamie leaned forward, placing a kiss on her shoulder. She turned her head to look back at him but his eyes were focused elsewhere. He was staring at her scar. His hand drew back from hers as he moved to run his fingers along it almost reverently. 

“I kent ye were a strong woman,” he said softly, “but I hate just how strong ye’ve had to be.” 

Claire took a deep breath as she felt a lump form in her throat. She turned around in his arms as tears formed in her eyes. Jamie looked down at her with immeasurable compassion. He wrapped her back in close as the tears began to fall. “He’ll never hurt ye again,  _ mo nighean donn _ . I promise ye that.” 

She released a sob as she curled in as close as possible to him. He held her, his hand running comfortingly through her hair. “Weep all ye need,  _ a nighean _ . I’ve got ye,” Jamie whispered. She clung to him, letting the past six months of terror seep from her. He whispered words of comfort to her as she cried herself to sleep in his arms. 

* * *

Ned decided to wait until Jamie and Claire sent word that they’d left the city before he went to find Frank Randall. Should the man go looking for Ned again, he didn’t want him to accidentally find Claire. He felt such sympathy for the lass and all she’d been through. Though Jamie had never confirmed or denied as much, Ned was also certain there was something between Claire and the lad. He could see the way they looked to each other for reassurance through all of Claire’s story. 

He found his way to Inverness and traveled once again through the familiar town. Instead of delaying the uncomfortable part of the trip, he went straight to the Reverend’s manse. After he knocked on the door, he was met by a kind looking woman. “Can I help ye?” she asked. 

“I was hoping to find Mr. Frank Randall,” Ned informed her. 

She nodded twice before answering. “He’ll be here. Why don’t ye come in?” 

“That’s alright,” Ned denied. “This willna take long. I just need to speak wi’ Mr. Randall.” 

She nodded again before walking back inside to find the man. The door opened once more revealing a harried looking man. For a moment, Ned wondered if he had the right man. 

“Are ye Frank Randall?” he asked. 

The man’s face hardened as he stared at Ned, appraising him. “I am. Who asks?” 

“I’m Ned Gowan, sir. I believe these are for ye,” Ned replied, handing him the envelope. 

Frank frowned at the documents inside before confusion turned to anger. “And what the bloody  hell are these?” 

Ned could see the violence waiting just beneath the surface. He took a step back. “Those would be divorce papers, Mr. Randall. I suggest ye sign them and get them back to me. Ye’ll see I’ve already left the address on the envelope there. Good day to ye.” 

Ned got in his car and backed out of the driveway but not before seeing the almighty fit that Randall threw in the doorway. 


	11. Christmastime

Claire stared down at the letter in her hands. Four words and an initial were all that graced the page, and yet it was seared into her brain. 

_ It has been delivered.  _

_ -N _

She knew for safety’s sake, he hadn’t put more detail. It could have ruined her if a longer letter had gotten lost or intercepted by the wrong person. The message was simple and informative for the person who knew what it meant. The papers had been delivered to Frank. What she wished had been added to the letter was his reaction. How did he take it? Did Ned have any feeling on how much longer this all would last? 

But sadly, there were no answers to those questions. Just four words and an initial. Nonetheless, she couldn’t put the letter down. She kept staring at it as though it would change and reveal new information. 

The staring continued even as Jenny pushed Ian and Jamie into the kitchen, trying to talk over their protests. “We have something to discuss as a family, aye?” Jenny yelled to them. 

Both men looked over at Claire. Jamie looked concerned and Ian followed him as he walked closer. “Is everything alright, Claire?” Ian asked. 

Claire nodded. “Yes.” She pulled her eyes from the note to look over at Jenny. “What will the discussion be about?” 

“Christmas,” Jenny replied. 

“Tis still a few days away,” Jamie reminded. He crouched down in front of Claire. “What’s the matter,  _ a nighean _ ?” 

“Nothing,” Claire lied. 

“Well something seems to be,” Ian maintained. 

Claire sighed, looking back to the paper she’d dropped in front of her on the table. She handed it to Jamie. His brow furrowed as he read the short note. “Frank got the papers,” Claire informed the room. 

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Jenny asked, walking closer to the table. 

“Of course, yes,” Claire agreed. “It’s just that my whole life now rests on what happens next.” 

Jamie placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “Ye ken whatever happens next, we’ll support ye.” 

“Aye, or defend ye from it,” Ian added. Jenny nodded in agreement. 

Claire smiled at them, taking Jamie’s hand in hers. “Thank you,” she choked out. “It means more than you know.” She cleared her throat. “So why don’t we talk about Christmas? Something cheerful might be a good distraction.” 

“Good idea,” Jenny said. She sat down at the other end of the table. Jamie sat down next to Claire, Ian next to Jenny. “So Christmas Day will just be the four of us and Jamie. And of course we’ll have our annual party on Hogmanay.” Everyone nodded in reply. “But I thought we could have a couple of people over on Christmas Eve for dinner.” 

Jamie narrowed his eyes at his sister. “Which people?” 

“Now before anyone starts giving opinions, let me just say that I’ve already invited them,” Jenny asked, clenching her teeth nervously. 

Jamie sighed. “Let me guess. Tis Laoghaire ye invited?” 

“Look, I talked to her about what ye asked me to speak wi’ her about,” Jenny started. “Twas an awkward conversation, but I think she understands.” 

“Think?” Ian asked. 

“I was as clear as I could be wi’out making things too uncomfortable,” Jenny corrected. “Anyway, twas just going to be her and Mrs. Fitz on Christmas Eve and so I invited them when I saw them at the market. The rest of the grandkids arena coming until Christmas Day and I hated the idea of them just being there alone,” she explained, flashing Jamie pleading eyes. 

“I understand where ye’re coming from,” Jamie said cautiously, “but understand where  _ I’m _ coming from. I dinna want my holidays to be spent wi’ a girl who constantly targets and offends the woman I -” he caught Claire’s look and cut himself off, “Claire.” 

“The woman ye Claire?” Ian asked, giving Jamie a strange look. 

“I won’t let him use the “L” word,” Claire explained with a small grin. 

“Because of the divorce?” Jenny asked. 

“No, because the bloody man won’t let me say it back if he’s said it first,” Claire told them. 

Jenny stared at Jamie in confusion. Ian nodded beside the other man. “I suppose I understand that.” 

“What are ye -” Jenny started before she cut herself off. “Never mind. Back to Christmas! Look, I will do my best to make sure Laoghaire is on her best behavior. And honestly, I dinna ken if she’d act that way in front of her grandmother. So I think it will be fine.” 

“Better be,” Jamie muttered. 

“Now, onto Hogmanay,” Jenny continued. “There will be lots of people coming from the village. Jamie, I’m sure they’ll all be too happy to see ye.” 

“Will it be...safe?” Claire asked. “I mean, I don’t really go into the village just in case. Will it be safe for me to be at this party? I can always just stay up in my room.” 

“Ye’ll do no such thing,” Ian insisted. “It will be safe. I promise ye. None of these people would do ye any harm.” 

“More than that, I’m not sure they’d know who ye are just by looking at ye,” Jenny reasoned. “And if we just told them a different story, they’d have no reason to connect ye wi’ the woman people were looking for back in October.” 

“So what would my story be?” 

“How about mostly the truth?” Ian suggested. “Ye’re Jamie’s lass.” 

Claire looked over at Jamie, noting the smile on his face as he reached for her hand. “I suppose I could go by my maiden name. No one’s heard of a missing Claire Beauchamp.” Jenny nodded in approval. “We could keep most of the details the same,” Claire continued, looking at Jamie. “We met in the war and were separated. Maybe we began corresponding after the war and you invited me here when war-torn London was too much and I needed a place to heal.” 

“Sounds like something Jamie would do,” Ian mused. 

Jamie shrugged before nodding. “That would coincide wi’ the vague stories we shared with Laoghaire and Mrs. Fitz as well. And explain why ye’ve stayed.” 

“Well I’ve stayed because of you, fool,” Claire said, squeezing his hand. 

Jenny smiled at the two of them. “Are ye excited for yer first Christmas together?” 

Claire and Jamie looked at each other before glancing over at Jenny. “It’s actually not our first Christmas together,” Claire corrected. “Jamie was in the tent over Christmas of ‘43.” 

“Aye, that’s right,” Jamie recalled with a fond smile. “Twas right after I got there.” He laughed as he was clearly thinking of that day. “Ye wouldna let me sit up yet -”

“Because you couldn’t,” Claire reminded.

“And yet ye brought me eggnog that someone had somehow gotten ahold of,” Jamie continued. 

Claire laughed. “That’s right. That was a stiff eggnog,” she remembered. 

“Aye, we ended up sharing it,” Jamie finished. 

Jenny made a humming noise, causing them to look at her. She smiled at them. “Makes me happy to ken that at least one of yer Christmases away wasna terrible.” 

“Well I’m obviously verra much excited for this Christmas, Janet,” he promised her. “Tis been too long since I’ve had a proper Lallybroch Christmas.” 

“Then we should be getting everything ready,” Jenny said, standing up from the table. “Let’s go, folks.” 

* * *

_ Claire was hiding. She’d finished her shift in the tent, but she knew that if she went to the mess tent, she’d find Jamie there. He was leaving the next morning and she had absolutely no idea what to say to him. It had been so sudden, the way he’d changed. There should be some logical explanation, but she couldn’t figure it out. They’d been close (closer than they should be) the entire time he’d been there. But then the flip had switched and he treated her like any other nurse. Like they’d never crafted an elaborate lie for his benefit together. She wanted to confront him and ask him why he was choosing to leave, but she never did. But she couldn’t deny, she was hurt.  _

_ Claire was sneaking between tents when she was discovered.  _

_ “Nurse Randall.”  _

_ Claire closed her eyes, sighing. “Yes?” She turned around to see Jamie standing in front of her.  _

_ “I wanted to thank ye,” he said.  _

_ “For what?” she asked exasperatedly.  _

_ Jamie took a small step closer. “For saving my life.”  _

_ Claire shook her head. “Please, I didn’t do anything.”  _

_ He raised one brow at her. “Ye did. More than most people think ye did.”  _

_ A silence hung between them, making her want to ask him all her questions. Why was he leaving? Why did he shut her out? Had she done something to offend him?  _

_ But she didn’t ask any questions. “Just be careful,” she whispered. “Or else it will have all been for naught.”  _

_ He laughed lightly. “I will.”  _

_ When another silence fell upon them, Jamie took it as his cue to part from her.  _

_ Instead of going to the mess hall, Claire went to her tent. She laid down on her cot but sleep wouldn’t find her. The whole night was spent worrying about Jamie and already mourning his absence, even when he was still at camp. When the sun was rising, Claire got herself up and prepared herself to go say goodbye to the person who’d meant so much to her.  _

_ The jeep was packed and ready for those departing. Jamie stood apart from her, seemingly unsure if he should say anything to her. Their eyes locked and he sighed, deciding to make his way over to her.  _

_ “Take care,” he said, bidding her farewell.  _

_ Claire could barely meet his eyes. “You too. I meant it, be careful. Don’t be a bloody hero.”  _

_ Jamie laughed. “I’ll do my best.” His hand reached out but dropped back to his side. “Ye be careful as well, Claire.”  _

_ She felt tears springing to her eyes. “I will,” she whispered.  _

_ A call from behind him meant it was time to go. Claire looked up to Jamie, trying with all her might to memorize the look of him. His hand shot out quickly, grabbing one of hers. He squeezed her hand and released it before she could even process it.  _

_ “Goodbye, Claire.” He walked off towards the jeep.  _

_ “Jamie!” she called. He froze, but didn’t turn. “Goodbye.” His body heaved with a sigh before he hopped in the jeep.  _

_ Claire curled her arms around her torso, shrinking a bit in her sadness. She watched as the jeep pulled away. Tears started to steadily fall down her cheeks as he got further and further away from her. When it was out of sight, Claire slowly turned and walked back toward her cot. She was close to sobbing and wanted to be as secluded as possible when the emotions within her finally broke free. Curling in on herself, she wept for the Jamie sized hole in her life, all the while ignoring how absolutely wrong it was.  _

* * *

When the knock on the door came, somehow Claire was the only one around. Jenny was putting her feet up after Ian, Jamie, and Claire had all insisted. Ian was upstairs helping Wee Jamie through an ill-timed meltdown over God knows what. And Jamie was putting the last touches on the Christmas tree they’d been decorating as a family. 

Claire strode to the door and pulled it open, welcoming Mrs. Fitz and Laoghaire into the house. “Happy Christmas!” she greeted. 

Mrs. Fitz pulled her immediately into a hug. “And Happy Christmas to ye, my dear! Ye look just bonny,” she said with a large smile. 

“Thank you,” Claire replied with a dip of her head. “I’m so happy the two of you could join us this evening.” She leaned in closer to Mrs. Fitz. “I took charge of the meal, which I assure you was only because of your sage teaching.” 

The older woman beamed, wrapping an arm around Claire’s shoulders. “That brings me so much joy, lass.” 

A sigh from Laoghaire grabbed Claire’s attention. “I find it hard to believe that Jenny would just give away the Christmas meal.” 

“Well, it wasn’t  _ entirely _ willingly,” Claire admitted. “She was feeling quite tired and the rest of us made her take some time to rest.” 

Laoghaire nodded, looking around the entryway. “Ye really fancy yerself part of the family, don’t ye?” 

Claire bit back the retort she had at the tip of her tongue. Instead she shrugged with a fake smile. “I suppose so. It all comes down to them welcoming me into the family.” She saw her shot and she took it. “Especially after recent developments,” she added. 

Mrs. Fitz raised an eyebrow. “And what developments would those be?” 

Claire hugged her arms around herself, suddenly feeling a bit self-conscious. “Jamie and I have...rather, uh, taken up with each other.” 

Laoghaire’s face showed fury while her grandmother squealed with delight, wrapping Claire in another hug. “Oh dearie, how wonderful. The two of ye make such a pair!” 

“Thank you,” Claire replied, blushing. 

“Where did ye say Jenny was?” Laoghaire asked. 

“She should be in the sitting room.” 

Without another word, the younger woman left them. Not long after she departed, Jamie walked into the room, his hand finding Claire’s waist. Claire looked over and smiled at him as he greeted Mrs. Fitz. 

“Claire, here, was just telling me the good news,” Mrs. Fitz said with a wink. 

Jamie looked at Claire, a bewildered expression on his face. “Sorry, I guess I was just excited,” she confessed. 

He shook his head, a broad smile on his face before he leaned in and kissed her temple. “Well aye, I suppose it’s a verra Merry Christmas.” 

“Indeed,” Mrs. Fitz agreed. “I’m so happy for the both of ye. I could tell the moment I saw the two of ye together that there was something.” 

They shared a look before glancing back to their guest. “Well, I need to go check on dinner. I would never hear the end of it if I burnt Christmas Eve dinner,” Claire said, excusing herself. Jamie squeezed her hand once as she walked away. He turned to escort Mrs. Fitz into the sitting room where the fire was roaring. 

The evening had turned out beautifully. Jenny had promised a nice night and it had delivered. The one comment at the door was Laoghaire’s only barb at Claire. After dinner, the group sat in the sitting room again, feeling the warmth of the fire as they imbibed and shared stories. Claire curled into Jamie’s side, clutching her glass to her chest. He placed a kiss on her head as his arm crept around her back. 

Occasionally throughout the evening, one of the adults would get up to refill a drink. Jamie returned with a mug in his hands, switching from his typical whisky. Claire furrowed her brow but asked nothing. She sat up, allowing him to reclaim his seat before she curled back into him. He took a long drink before holding it out to her. “Tis a bit strong. Can ye help me finish it?” he asked, a reminiscent grin on his face. 

Claire met his gaze before looking down to see the eggnog in his mug. She mirrored his grin, leaning up to kiss him quickly. “I’d be happy to,” she agreed, taking a sip of it. Coughing a bit, Claire looked back up at him. “Christ, you weren’t kidding. I thought that was just a joke.” 

Jamie laughed, bringing her in closer. “Ye think anyone in this house would make less than strong eggnog?” he asked. 

She nodded, chuckling. “Fair enough,” she admitted, taking another sip. 

“This is a lot better way to share it, is it no’?” Jamie asked.

“I don’t know, there’s something about wartime and the fear of dying,” Claire disagreed. Jamie’s face filled with concern. She laughed, smacking his arm. “I was kidding.” She laid her head on his shoulder and handed the mug back to him. “Of course this is better. Every part of it is.” 

When Young Jamie started to fade, Jenny and Ian both took him upstairs to tuck him in, leaving him with promises of Christmas morning. Claire felt the need to play hostess in Jenny’s absence and got up to put plates and cups in the kitchen. As she turned from the sink, Laoghaire walked into the kitchen behind her. Claire stood there silently, watching the girl. 

“I wanted to apologize to ye, Claire,” Laoghaire said, shocking Claire to her core. 

“Oh?” 

“I havena been verra kind to ye, I’m afraid,” Laoghaire admitted. Claire’s eyes flicked to a point just over the girl’s shoulder where Jamie stood in the doorway, cautiously approaching. Laoghaire sighed with a shake of her head. “I’m no’ quite sure why I’ve been so harsh to ye.” 

Claire narrowed her eyes a bit, taking a deep breath. “Well, I have an idea. But it’s alright.” 

“I can see that ye’re important to the Murrays so I wanted to apologize for the way I’ve spoken to ye,” she continued. 

“So ye’re only apologizing to Claire because Jenny and Ian care for her and no’ because ye feel bad that ye treated her like shite?” Jamie asked, revealing his place in the doorway. 

She whirled around, looking at him. “Jamie, that’s no’ what I meant.” 

“Well it’s how it sounded,” he pointed out, walking over towards the sink where Claire stood. “How about ye try again?” 

“That’s not necessary,” Claire said, holding a hand in front of Jamie. “I appreciate the sentiment. I think - ” she looked over at Jamie “- and well, hope that we’ll be in each other’s lives for a long time.” 

A dark look crossed the other girl’s face, but she quickly tried to cover it. “Of course. Grannie and I should be going. But thank ye both for a lovely evening. Please relay that to Jenny as well.” 

Both Jamie and Claire nodded. “Of course,” Claire replied. “And we’ll see you for Hogmanay, right?” Laoghaire nodded before walking to the other room. 

Jamie turned to appraise Claire. “Why were ye so nice to her?” he asked. 

Claire shrugged, moving to put her arms around his neck. “I don’t really give a flying fuck what that girl says to me. I’m too happy,” she said with a sigh as she leaned in to kiss him. 

Jamie’s hands found her waist, pulling her ever-so-slightly closer. “I like that answer,” he whispered against her lips. 

* * *

The next morning, Claire was gifted the most special Christmas morning she’d had since she was a small child. A small kiss to the forehead roused her. Her eyes fluttered open to see Jamie looking down at her, a wide smile on his face. “Merry Christmas,  _ mo nighean donn _ .” 

Claire reached her hand up to ruffle through his hair. “Merry Christmas, Jamie.” Her hand tightened in his hair and she brought his head down for a kiss. “How long have you been awake?” she asked between kisses. 

“No’ long,” he admitted. “I just couldna wait for ye to wake up. I apologize.” He laid back down in the bed, bringing her to rest against him. 

Claire wrapped an arm around his torso, letting herself curl into him as she tried to wake up more. “I can understand that, I suppose.” She chuckled to herself. “Though you’re almost like a child on Christmas morning.” 

“Well I must remind ye that it  _ is _ Christmas morning, Sassenach,” he said with a quick kiss on her nose. Her nose wrinkled in reply as she laughed. “And I’ve something for ye.” 

She opened one eye, looking at him speculatively. “Do you mean an actual gift or were you talking about -” she cleared her throat and looked down “- something else?” 

Jamie laughed, running a hand along her stomach. “I mean an actual present. Though ye ken it wouldna take too long for that either, should ye be interested.” 

Claire shook her head as she laughed. She sat up in bed, sitting against the headboard and pulling the covers with her. “Present first,” she grinned. Jamie nodded, jumping out of bed to go grab it. 

She looked around Jamie’s room, trying to find the parts of it that made it  _ his _ . Most nights since they’d returned from Edinburgh, they’d retired to separate rooms, but Jamie would sneak over to hers. Claire often gave Jamie a hard time for it. She figured Ian and Jenny knew what was going on. But for whatever reason, Jamie insisted upon it. Last night had been different though. Jenny and Ian had gone to bed while Jamie and Claire had been cleaning up the kitchen. They’d walked up the stairs hand in hand and Jamie had simply pulled Claire in the direction of his room. She’d raised a brow at him, but he only shrugged and kissed her. 

Jamie walked back over to the bed, his hands held behind his back. “Okay, dinna be too hard on me,” Jamie started. “Tis been a long time since I gave anyone a gift.” 

“You gave Young Jamie a gift just a month ago for his birthday,” Claire reminded him. 

Jamie gave her a look. “Alright, let me rephrase then. Tis been a long time since I gave anyone a gift that I thought would really matter.” 

She smiled brightly, holding her hands out for it. He stared at her before finally moving his hands and placing the long, skinny box in her palms. Claire looked down at it, noticing the careful wrapping. Her long finger hooked in the corner of the paper and she was tearing it open. His eyes were on her the whole time. Taking the top off the box revealed a silver locket in the shape of a heart. Claire gasped softly as she picked it up and looked at it closer. The heart was decorated with an intricate etching of thistles. She turned it over in her palm before opening it. There was an engraving on the back of it.  _ Mo chridhe _ . She didn’t even know what it meant, but she was touched by it. Sticking a fingernail between the hinge, she peeled the locket open, letting out a breathy laugh at the picture inside. It was Jamie, likely just before he was initially sent off to war. 

“Twas the only picture I could find,” he confessed. 

Claire looked up at him, tears swimming in her eyes. “It’s perfect,” she assured him. “That’s who I met.” He smiled at her, his hand laying on her knee. “I only have one question.” 

“My heart,” he answered before she could ask. He stared at her, his emotions clear on his face. 

Claire beamed at him as she clutched the locket in her fist. She leaned forward and brought him in closer. “Thank you,” she whispered just before kissing him. Their heads rested together, taking a moment to just  _ be _ with the other. 

“I have something too,” she said, pulling back from him. “Let me go get it.” Walking back in the room, her arms were full with a large object wrapped in a blanket. She set it down on the bed in front of him. 

Jamie looked at her curiously before he moved to pull back the blanket. It took some effort to get it untangled. He threw the cover behind him, gazing down at the present before him. It was a beautiful wooden chest with “Fraser” carved into the top. Jamie glanced up to her and then back at the chest. “Claire, this is gorgeous. Where did ye find this?” 

She sat herself down on the bed next to him, her arm linking through his. “I found it in a shop in Edinburgh. I didn’t buy it when we were there, but I bribed Ian to go back and get it for me so I could surprise you. He’s actually the one who carved the name in there. I owe him. A lot.” 

Jamie ran a hand over the smooth wood in awe. “It’s beautiful,” he said with a shake of his head. 

“That’s actually not the whole present,” Claire added. “Why don’t you open it?” 

He looked to her with an excited expression. Opening the chest revealed a number of books hidden inside. His mouth dropped open as he pulled ten different books out of the chest. His eyes were wide and curious as he looked over the titles and back to her. 

“I remembered what you said you missed most,” she explained. “During the war,” she added. “You told me you missed home, but you also missed the simplicity of sitting down and reading a good book. So I found these in the bookshop in Edinburgh. Some of these are ones I’ve enjoyed and a few of them are some of Uncle Lamb’s favorites.” 

Jamie hadn’t spoken as he looked through the books. Claire grew nervous at his silence. He finally looked back to her after he put the books back in the chest. “All that time, I hung on every word ye said,” he confessed. “I never imagined that ye might have been doing the same.” 

Claire laughed, her hands landing on either side of his face. “Every bloody word,” she promised. 

“I love ye, Claire,” he sighed. Claire rolled her eyes. Not a typical response. “Sorry,” he said with a laugh. 

She shook her head with an amused grin. “One of these days.” 

Claire leaned in and kissed him, moving closer to him. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her against him. She sighed into his mouth as his fingers wound through her hair. They were setting a slow pace. Jamie’s hands moved from her hair and roamed down her body, making her gasp as he pressed forward and laid her down on the bed. He hovered over her, looking down at her. A smile and a caress between them, they were kissing again, moving faster this time. Quietness was key with a small child around. Claire couldn’t help but keen a bit as Jamie’s hand ended up sliding up her nightgown, finding the very spot she wanted him. 

His mouth crashed against hers as a way of quieting her. “Ye ken I love yer wee sounds, but we canna be heard,” he reminded her. She rolled her eyes and flexed her hips against his hand. His fingers were moving against her in delicious ways. He’d quickly sought out different ways to make her cry out. She fastened her arms around his neck, pulling him down to kiss her again. They only had so much time before the rest of the family expected them to be opening presents. Claire pushed down his pajama pants, taking him in hand. It was Jamie’s turn to make wee noises. 

Their breaths were already heavy. Claire looked at him, giving him a nod. He took the hint and drove into her, kissing her to absorb her cry at their joining. She clutched him to her, moving eagerly against him. They rocked together, holding and encouraging the other. The sound of Jamie breathing Gaelic to her was all she could comprehend. He pulled the top of her nightgown down, making it bunch around her torso, before he kissed across her chest. 

Jamie’s attentiveness and eagerness as a lover had brought her release faster than she’d expected. She fell apart around him, biting her lip to avoid crying out the three words at the front of her mind. She held him as he spilled into her. He rolled to the side and brought her with him, both of them staring at the other with sated smiles. 

“Merry Christmas,” Claire panted. 

Jamie leaned forward and kissed her. “Indeed.” 

* * * 

Christmas continued to be a wonderful day. There had been so many different reasons for joy that swirled together, leaving everyone content and pleased. Jenny felt joy at her first Christmas with both her child and her brother there. Jamie felt joy at being back with his family and having Claire with him. Claire felt joy at feeling like she was truly part of a family for the first time in a very long time. The peace of the day wasn’t lost on any of them. 

But Christmas eventually passed and made way for Hogmanay. The peacefulness of Christmas led to a jittery excitement over the Annual Murray Hogmanay Party. Jenny wanted everything to look perfect. As Claire stood back and gave it a once over, she thought Jenny had accomplished her mission. 

She’d never celebrated Hogmanay before and Jamie was more than happy to tell her all that she should expect. They spent every night between Christmas and Hogmanay, curled together, talking about the party. Claire smiled to herself in the dark as she picked up on how excited Jamie truly was. 

The weeks they’d been back from Edinburgh had been just about blissful. She’d never felt this way with anyone but Jamie. It was easy and comfortable when not passionate and tender. Each facet of their relationship was a stark difference to her past. She clung to Jamie easily though nightmares, the occasional times she had them. He soothed her back to sleep and held her tight against him. Her dependence on him was growing and she knew it should frighten her. But it just didn’t. She loved him and she was excited for more people to know. 

* * *

Ian watched as the party continued around him. Jenny astounded him every year with the amount she could pull off. Each decoration was perfect and each guest seemed to be having a wonderful time. He walked over to his wife and wrapped his arms around her from behind, his hands settling on her large belly. “Looks perfect, Mrs. Murray,” he mused. 

She hummed in reply, her arms coming up to hold his. “Look at them,” she said in reply. He didn’t need to ask who she meant. He glanced over to see Jamie and Claire smiling like idiots as they talked over their drinks. “They’re just so happy.” 

Ian nodded. “Aye, that they are.” He’d been certain by the look on Jamie’s face when Claire showed up nearly three months ago that there was something between them. But as he watched the two of them, blissfully happy with the other, he realized he had no idea just how much there actually was. Young Jamie ran over to the pair of them. Jenny and Ian watched as Jamie picked up the young boy and Claire eagerly spoke with him. It almost felt like looking to the future, with the two of them talking to their own child. They were so engaged with the boy, so attuned to each other, that it seemed like no one else was at the party. 

“I need to refill the trays,” Jenny said all of the sudden, disturbing Ian from his observation. 

“Aye, I’ll help ye.” 

They walked into the kitchen, the door swinging shut behind them. While refilling the trays, they couldn’t help but comment on what they just watched. 

“It makes me happy for him,” Jenny said needlessly. “To think that something beautiful came out of this bloody war.” 

Ian nodded. “I ken just what ye mean. To look at them, ye can just feel how happy they are to finally be wi’ each other.” 

“I just hope it lasts,” Jenny replied darkly. 

Ian sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Aye. I think my two wishes for the new year are as follows: One, our new bairn comes happy and healthy. Two, Claire gets her divorce.” 

Jenny sighed. “I think that’s a fair list. I just hope that Randall leaves Inverness, goes back to England, and doesna try to find her again.” 

“I think we all hope that,” Ian agreed. The sound of a door closing made Ian whip his head around. No one had entered the kitchen. He was suddenly nervous that they’d been overheard. Walking to the door, he peeked through into the hall. No one was around. Releasing a sigh of relief, Ian walked back to his wife and helped her carry the trays back out. 

* * *

Someone  _ had _ heard Ian, though. She bolted from the kitchen after hearing enough. Trying to make herself blend in the crowd, she went over and pretended to be part of a conversation. Her eyes drifted, though, always lingering on Jamie and  _ her _ . She’d always suspected something was off. Her stomach clenched at the sight of them laughing together and holding each other. It was wrong. Jamie wasn’t supposed to be with her. And worse than that, the bitch was still married. It was there at that party that she hatched her plan. 

She couldn’t drive, so it took her a week to get enough rides to Inverness to find and meet the man she was looking for. 

“You’re Randall?” she asked, looking the man over.  

He scowled at her. “What do you want?” He seemed worse for the drink. 

A smile spread across her face. “My name is Laoghaire and I ken where your wife is.” 

* * *

Miles away, back at Lallybroch, Claire was curled in Jamie’s arms, feeling safe and secure. She had no way of knowing all hell was about to break loose. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to end it like that, but who doesn't love a cliffhanger? I hope to get the next chapter out faster than this one came out. Thanks for reading!


	12. Devil Comes to Call

Claire was sitting in the kitchen, drinking a cup of tea when Jamie walked in. He smiled at the sight of her, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. “What do ye have on yer agenda for the day?” he asked. He grabbed a scone Jenny had made and sat down across from her. 

She looked at him thoughtfully. “As far as I know, nothing. Why?” 

“Well, tis an unseasonably nice day for January and I wondered if ye’d want to come survey the land wi’ me,” Jamie suggested. 

Claire raised one brow. “Really? And what does surveying the land entail?” 

Jamie shrugged. “It can mean whatever we want it to mean. Mainly looking for things that need fixing or if there are any parts of the fields that will need special attention come spring. Just seemed like a nice day for it.” 

“Sounds like very important work,” Claire mused. “Are you sure I won’t distract you from it?” She smirked as she ran her foot up his calf. 

Jamie grinned, leaning in close to her. “Ye might at that, but I canna say I’d care.” He kissed her quickly before standing up. “Will ye come wi’ me?” 

Claire jumped up and put her arms around his neck. “Of course. I’d never miss a good survey.” They shared a smile and a kiss before leaving the kitchen. “Do we really need to take the truck?” Claire asked, following Jamie to the vehicle. 

“It’ll help us get more accomplished and if we need to haul anything, then we have the truck bed,” Jamie reasoned. Claire nodded and hopped in beside him. 

They’d spent an hour looking over the lands, checking fence posts, appraising the gardens, and making sure things were still in shape. After a while, Jamie parked the truck at the top of a clearing and got out. Claire followed and sat down in the bed of the truck with him. They sat with their backs to the cab of the truck, simply enjoying a rare nice day. Jamie’s arm slipped easily behind her back, curling her to him. Her head laid on her shoulder as they sat there watching the hills around them. 

They’d been silent for a while, content just being with the other. Claire’s hand reached over and held onto Jamie’s coat as she curled closer to him. “Jamie?” she asked. 

“Hmm?” 

She picked her head up off his shoulder and looked at him. “I love you,” she said softly. Jamie looked over at her, a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eyes. He opened his mouth to reply. “Don’t say it back!” she commanded with a gleeful laugh. He joined her laughter, shaking his head at her. “See? It’s hard!” 

“Well thank ye for saying it,” Jamie offered instead. “Tis still nice to hear, even if I’m banned from saying something in reply.” 

She chuckled, leaning in closer to kiss him. He pulled her close, deepening the kiss. Her arms wrapped around him, keeping them together. She was practically in his lap as their embrace became steadily more passionate. It was too cold to be disrobing, but their hands were wandering anyway. Jamie’s hands landed on her arse, kneading with a sigh into her mouth. Claire couldn’t help but laugh in reply. She pulled back and looked at him. “You’re quite fond of that aren’t you?” she teased. 

Jamie squeezed his hands again, a broad grin on his face. “Ye ken I am.” His hands slid up her sides and stopped once he tangled them in her hair. He gazed at her intently. “But really, I’m quite fond of all of ye.” 

Claire smiled, leaning her forehead against his. “It’s mutual.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him to her. They sat there for a while again, simply holding the other. 

* * *

A knock at the door dragged Ian from the office. Jenny was sitting with Young Jamie in the kitchen. She walked into the hall and looked at him, but he waved her off. Opening the door, Ian was greeted by a very angry man standing on the steps. 

“Where is she?” he demanded. 

“Who?” Ian asked. 

“My wife!” the man yelled at him. 

Ian’s blood ran cold. He looked into the courtyard just past the man and saw Laoghaire standing in the archway. Ian shook his head at her. She’d heard him on Hogmanay. She must have. Ian was silent for a long moment. 

“I want to see my wife! I know you’re keeping her here! If you do not -” 

“Stop,” Ian said, holding a hand up, trying to keep his voice level. “She’s no’ here.” 

“He’s lying,” Laoghaire argued, stepping further into the courtyard. “She’s been here for three months.” 

Ian closed his eyes and groaned. What was her bloody problem? “Laoghaire, what are ye doing?” Ian asked, shooting her an imploring look. 

“Tis no’ right,” she insisted. “She belongs wi’ her husband. No’ wi’ mine.” 

“He’s no’ yer husband, ye delusional little freak!” Ian yelled. “And ye’ve no idea what this man here is capable of.” 

“What are you saying about me?” Frank stepped closer. His fists wrapped around Ian’s shirt, bringing them uncomfortably close. “You tell me where my wife is right now or I swear to God you’ll fucking regret it.” 

“I canna do that,” Ian said, mustering all the courage he had. He prayed Jenny stayed in the kitchen with their son. 

Frank loosed one hand from Ian’s shirt and punched him across the face. “I know she’s here. Where is she?” 

“She’s no’ in the house!” Ian yelled back. “She’s no’ here,” he amended. 

“The truck’s no’ in the courtyard,” Laoghaire pointed out. Frank loosened his hold on Ian and turned to look at her. “They must be out in the fields.” 

Ian pulled himself free of Frank. The man turned to look back at him. “Are they in the fields?” Ian was silent, but Frank took it as confirmation. Frank stalked away from the door and jumped back in his car, peeling out of the courtyard before anyone could stop him. 

“What the fucking hell have ye done?” Ian asked Laoghaire. 

“She doesna belong here.” 

“Ye dinna ken a goddamn thing about Claire,” Ian informed her. “If ye think this will somehow win ye Jamie’s heart, I’m afraid ye’re quite wrong. Ye’ll never have his heart and now ye’ve gone and ruined multiple people’s lives. I hope ye’re happy.” Ian ran back inside as fast as his artificial leg would carry him. He sprinted through the kitchen, quickly explaining to Jenny as he ran back out the door and to the barn. Once on a horse, he raced through the fields, hoping to find Jamie and Claire before Frank did. 

* * *

“What do ye think of this land over here?” Jamie asked, spreading out his arms. 

Claire furrowed her brow as she looked around. “It seems fine. Why?” 

“I thought perhaps come spring, I could make this into yer own garden,” Jamie suggested, a hesitant smile on his face. “The land is good and has good sun exposure. We could get seeds so ye can plant herbs and such. I ken ye’ve talked a lot about plants and their natural uses.” 

Claire stared at him, a look of awe about her. “You want to turn this into a garden for me?” 

“Aye. I ken Jenny has her own, but this could be whatever  _ ye _ want to plant,” he promised with a smile. “What do ye think?” 

Claire breathed out a chuckle. “I love it. I think it sounds wonderful. No one…” she heaved out a breath. “No one’s done anything like that for me before.” 

Jamie walked toward her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “I want ye to ken that this is yer home as much as mine.” He kissed her forehead and gave her a nod before turning back to the land. He started telling her more about it and making suggestions. 

Claire heard none of it though. She was distracted by a rumbling sound coming from further out in the field. Her head turned to find the source of the sound and that was when she saw it. Her heart nearly stopped in her chest. Her body was frozen, unable to grab Jamie. She wanted to call out to him but her voice made no sound. 

“What do ye think of that?” Jamie asked. When she didn’t reply, he looked up and saw her standing stiffly, staring off in the other direction. “Claire?” He jumped up and saw the car speeding toward the spot they stood. It came to a stop and Jamie stood in front of her, ready to defend her from whatever was coming. 

She clutched his arm. “Jamie,” she whispered. The door opened and out stepped Frank Randall. 

“Hello, Darling. Long time no see,” he sneered. 

“Ye’ve no business here,” Jamie called, standing firmly in front of Claire. 

“I think you’ll find I do,” Frank retorted. “That’s my wife behind you. I don’t know what little game you’ve both been playing here, but it’s over now. Claire, come with me.” 

She didn’t know if it was Jamie standing in front of her or the courage she’d built up over the past three months, but she knew she had to stand up to him. “No.” 

Frank’s eyebrows raised. “No?” he said, nearly laughing. “Claire, don’t be silly. I’m your husband, not this whoreson. Get in the car.” 

“I won’t,” Claire maintained. “I’m staying here.” 

Frank sighed, tilting his head and looking at Claire with a disappointed expression. “I didn’t want to have to use force, Darling.” 

“Try it,” Jamie threatened, “and we’ll see how far ye get wi’ that.” 

Frank’s eyes narrowed at Jamie. His focus turned to the car as he reached to grab something. Brandishing a gun, he pointed it at Jamie. Claire gasped, clutching Jamie’s arm tighter as he tensed in front of her. “How about now?” 

“Where the bloody hell did you get a gun?” Claire yelled. She was shaking, terrified of the man standing before them. He was nothing like the man she’d once married. 

“I know people,” was Frank’s reply. “Now, how about we try this again? Claire, get in the car.” 

“She’s no’ going to do that,” Jamie insisted.

Frank cocked the gun and pointed it more intently at Jamie. Claire felt short of breath, terror flooding her. She couldn’t let anything happen to Jamie. “Stop!” she cried, running in front of him. 

“Claire!” Jamie yelled, trying to get her to move back behind him. 

“I’ll go with you,” Claire agreed, ignoring Jamie’s cries. Frank smirked, nodding his head. “Just put the gun away.” He looked at her, not moving. “Put the gun away and I will get in the car. I won’t let you hurt anyone here.” 

“Claire, ye canna do this,” Jamie pleaded with her. 

She watched Frank put the gun back in the car before she turned to Jamie. “I have to do this,” she said. “I can’t let him hurt you.” Jamie shook his head, but his pleas fell on deaf ears. Claire’s mind had been made up. The last thing she wanted to do was leave, but she’d do anything to protect him. She took a step closer to him, cupping his face in her hands. “I meant what I said earlier,” she promised. “I just have to do this.” 

Tears began to fall down her cheeks. Jamie’s face reflected the same pain she felt. “Ye canna go wi’ him. He’s just going to hurt ye again.” He took her hands off his face and clung to them. 

Claire nodded. “He might. But I can’t be the reason he hurts you too. I have to go.” 

“Claire, it’s time. Let’s go,” Frank called. 

Her eyes closed, sending more tears down her cheeks. Jamie released her hands. “I canna watch ye leave.” He turned around, standing next to the truck. 

Her breath came in ragged sobs as she walked away from him and back to Frank. He opened the passenger door for her and shoved her inside the car. As he came around the other side, he said, “I’m glad you came to your senses.” He was about to get back in the car when he paused. “Wait, there’s one more thing I have to do. Then we’ll be off.” Once he closed the door, he locked the car, keeping her in there. 

Claire stared at him in confusion. She fumbled for the lock as she saw him walk over toward Jamie. His back was still turned to the car. Claire started screaming, trying to get out of the car. She watched helplessly as Frank put his hand against the back of Jamie’s head and bashed his face into the truck’s side mirror. Jamie collapsed on the ground as Frank walked calmly away and got back in the car. Claire’s sobs were renewed as she clawed at the window, trying to get to Jamie. Frank turned the key in the car and all too soon, they were rushing away from Lallybroch. From Jamie. From safety. From the only peace Claire had ever known. 

They drove in silence, Frank’s fury and Claire’s desperation not needing words to be expressed. She was the first one to speak when he turned a different way than she expected. “This isn’t the road back to Inverness.” 

“You know, I really did think you were dead,” Frank said, ignoring her question. “I couldn’t think of any reason you’d leave.” 

“You didn’t think that the way you were treating me was cause enough?” Claire argued. 

Frank ignored that, too. “I had all but given up looking for you until your lovely little divorce papers showed up.” Claire felt her stomach drop. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to fight the overwhelming wave of nausea that hit her. “But then once I realized you were alive, I had new hope. Of course, it all came down to that helpful little Scottish girl.” 

Claire looked over at Frank, a fury of her own blooming within her. “Who was it?” 

“I can’t quite recall her name,” Frank avoided. “Something with an L.” 

“Laoghaire,” Claire breathed. Her breath came short as she was taken by a surge of anger. She wanted to run back to Broch Mordha so she could beat that girl within an inch of her life. 

“Oh, by the way, Darling, I’m afraid your papers didn’t make it,” Frank informed her. She was silent. “I’m afraid they had to be destroyed. Couldn’t let anyone know of your accusations.” 

“They aren’t accusations when they’re true,” Claire replied. “And I have the proof.” 

“Well we won’t be needing that. We’re just going to start over. You can leave your little Scottish adventure behind you,” he told. “No one will know what you’ve been up to when we’re in Oxford. And not to worry, we’ll be there soon.” 

Claire felt an overwhelming sense of desolation wash over her as they sped away from Lallybroch and now, from Scotland. The life she’d wanted was sitting back at that house. The harder she tried to cling to that feeling, the harder her sobs became. Frank was silent once more as Claire sat there mourning the life she could have had. 

* * *

Ian had found Jamie barely conscious next to the truck. He’d roused him the best he could and helped him into the passenger seat. Ian drove back to the house, but Jamie wouldn’t leave the truck. “We have to go after them,” he insisted. “We have to go find Claire.” 

“She just went wi’ him?” Ian asked again, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“She went to stop him from shooting me,” Jamie told him. “We have to find her and get her back. If they ken who the man is, perhaps they’ll arrest him or something. But Ian, we canna just sit here. Claire’s in danger.” 

Ian looked over at his brother-in-law. He’d never seen him looking so desperate and so beaten up. There was a large gash across his forehead that was releasing a concerning amount of blood. A few other cuts that weren’t as deep peppered his face as well. Jamie paid no mind to his own pain, focusing instead on his fear of what could happen to Claire. 

“We don’t even know where they’d go in Inverness,” Ian pointed out. 

“Claire said he was staying with some Reverend. We can find someone there who kens where the man lives,” Jamie pleaded. 

Ian closed his eyes and nodded. “You stay here. I’m going to run in the house, update Jenny, and grab a rag so ye can stop that bleeding. And then we’ll go get Claire.” Jamie nodded, his eyes drooping closed a bit. 

Once Ian was back in the truck, they raced at a concerning speed down the road leading to Inverness. They got directions quickly to the Reverend’s manse. Beating on the door, they waited impatiently for someone to answer. An older man opened the door, giving them a concerned look, especially at Jamie’s still bleeding head. “Can I help ye?” 

“Ye can tell us where Frank Randall is,” Jamie replied immediately. 

The man looked confused. “Why he’s no’ here. He left today to go back to Oxford.” Ian and Jamie exchanged concerned looks. “He finally found out where his wife was and he went to pick her up and take her home.” 

“Where do they live?” Jamie asked, seemingly a bit short of breath. 

“In Oxford,” the man repeated. 

“Well surely if ye’re the man’s friend, ye’ll ken his address,” Jamie said, growling a bit. 

“Why do ye need to ken where they live?” 

“Because we believe Claire is in danger,” Jamie nearly yelled. “So the faster we can go after them, the better.” 

“She’s wi’ her husband now. Why would she be in danger?” the reverend asked. 

Ian pointed to Jamie’s head. “Because Frank did this just earlier today. So ye can see our concern for the lass.” 

The man’s eyes widened in fear and surprise. “I’ll get that for ye right now.” He shut the door and left them waiting on the porch. 

Jamie slumped against the wall, his breathing growing slow. “We have to find her,” he said in a small voice. “He might kill her this time.” 

Ian glanced over, laying a comforting hand on Jamie’s shoulder. “We’ll find her. I promise ye.” 

Tears started to fall down Jamie’s cheeks. “I’ve ne’er been this scared.” 

“What about the war?” Ian asked. 

“That was jus’ me,” Jamie reasoned. “I’m more scared of something happening to her and me no’ being able to stop it than of anything that happened to me.” Ian was silent. He had no idea what to reply. As far as he knew, his wife and child were still safely at home. Meanwhile, the love of Jamie’s life was with a violent man, God-knows-where. 

The Reverend came back and handed them a piece of paper with Frank’s address on it. “This was where they were going to move just before they came to Scotland. I imagine that’s where they’ll go.” 

“Thank ye,” Jamie said sincerely. He turned to Ian. “Let’s go.” 

Ian nodded and they both ran back to the truck. He was about to round the back when Jamie fell to the ground next to the truck. “Jamie!” he yelled, bending over the other man, trying to rouse him. The Reverend ran over, trying to help Ian. “We need to get him to a hospital!” 

* * *

Jenny paced through the house, wanting nothing more than to know what was going on. Her hand ran nervously over her belly. She didn’t know who she was more afraid for: Claire or Jamie. Claire was riding into an unknown future with a violent man. Jamie was already hurt and surely was going to be reckless as he stopped at nothing to get to Claire. She tried to regulate her breathing, but she was getting incredibly anxious waiting for news from Ian. 

Young Jamie had no clue what had gone on there that day. He watched her pace back and forth and then would turn back to his play. She wanted him to focus on something more fun and not feel the utter fear coursing through all of the adults. The look on Ian’s face as he’d told her what happened had terrified her. She’d never seen the man so shaken. They’d done so much to protect Claire and it all came crashing down with one whispered conversation. She felt so guilty knowing she and Ian had played a part in him finding Claire. 

It had been hours when the phone rang. She sprinted to the phone and answered it immediately. “Ian? What’s going on? Where are ye?” 

“I’m at the hospital in Inverness,” Ian told her. “Jamie lost too much blood and passed out. They’re admitting him now, but I had to bribe a nurse to let me use the phone. Explaining our current situation was apparently excuse enough. They didna come back to Inverness. Frank took her back to Oxford. We got an address from the man, but then Jamie needed medical attention. I dinna ken what to do. They want to have him stay here for a bit to make sure there isna any extra damage. He’s restless though.” 

Jenny absorbed all the information, feeling a bit restless herself. “What’s the address?” she finally asked. 

“What?” 

“Tell me the address in Oxford!” 

“Surely ye dinna mean to go yerself,” Ian replied. 

“Tell Jamie that I’ll go find her. Then he can get the help he needs and someone can still go get Claire. This is our fault, Ian. We have to do something. We never should have spoken about it at the party,” she said, her voice wavering. 

“Tis more Laoghaire’s fault than anyone’s,” Ian reminded her. 

“Yes, I know that as well. Just give me the address. I’ll take Jamie and we’ll go,” Jenny insisted. 

“How? We have the truck,” Ian pointed out. 

“I know a family that owes Claire a favor,” Jenny answered. “Mrs. Fitz will give it to me.” 

“Jenny,” Ian whispered, “Please be careful. We canna lose ye, too.” 

Jenny took a deep breath. “Dinna worry. I will be. And I’m going to bring Claire back. Ye can promise my brother that.” 

Jenny and Young Jamie walked down the road to Mrs. Fitz and Laoghaire’s house. Her anger was just below the surface as she thought of what her friend had done. When Mrs. Fitz opened the door, Jenny didn’t even say hello before storming in the house to confront the girl. “Laoghaire!” she called. “Where are ye?” 

“What’s the matter, dear?” Mrs. Fitz asked, noting Jenny’s crazed appearance. 

“Do ye ken what yer granddaughter’s been up to?” Jenny asked. 

“No,” Mrs. Fitz replied, her brow furrowing in concern. 

Laoghaire walked in the room at that moment, a fake look of innocence about her. “Jenny, lovely to see ye!” 

Jenny slapped her across the face as her rage came out. “How dare ye? Ye have no idea what ye’ve done! I hope ye’re happy.” 

“I did what I had to do. Jamie needed to ken the type of woman she really was,” Laoghaire insisted, a nasty look on her face. 

“Ye fucking fool,” Jenny cried. “Her husband beat her. She ran away from him and found herself at Lallybroch. Jamie made her stay so her husband wouldna find her and kill her for running away. Ian and I kent all about it. We wanted her to be safe so we kept her there. She and Jamie were happy together and ye couldna stand the sight of Jamie happy wi’ someone else so ye meddled in something ye had no idea about. Jamie was never going to be yer husband. He doesna want ye and he doesna love ye. He loves Claire.” She took a deep breath, glaring at Laoghaire the whole time.

“And right now Jamie is in a hospital bleeding profusely because ye meddled and brought a violent man into our home. And right now Claire is in danger because he’s surely mad that his wife ran away from him. So dinna stand there and tell me that ye did what ye had to do. Ye did this for no one but yerself. Claire was a good person, ye were just too jealous to see so. Ye saw her as a threat and ye did whatever dirty methods ye could to see that she was out of Jamie’s life. But now, I want ye out of mine. Out of my family’s life. Ye’re no longer welcome at Lallybroch. I willna let ye into my home, knowing ye’re capable of such hate and pain.” 

Mrs. Fitz stared at her granddaughter in horror. Laoghaire at least had the decency to look ashamed. “What do ye need?” Mrs. Fitz asked in a small voice. 

Jenny turned to look at her. “I need yer car. I need to drive to Oxford and get Claire back.” 

With a nod, Mrs. Fitz walked to the drawer and grabbed the keys. “I’m here for whatever ye need,” the woman said to her, handing them over. 

“Thank ye,” Jenny breathed. She took the keys and immediately left the house, not sparing another look for her old friend. Once she got Jamie into the car, Jenny started driving, prepared to drive as long as she could. 

* * *

Frank took Claire to the house they’d been close to moving to before she ran away. “I arranged for our things to be here when we returned,” Frank explained as they walked in the door. She stood there, her arms curled around herself, frozen just inside the threshold. “This is our home now, Claire.” He glanced over at her, giving her a pointed look. “This is  _ your _ home now.” 

She didn’t give him a response. They’d driven for hours, only stopping for gas. Somehow, Frank hadn’t felt the need to sleep. He looked quite exhausted now. She’d slept fitfully in the car, terrified of what came next. Frank walked closer to her and she tensed, creeping back from him. “Your little adventure is done, Claire. It’s time to face reality again. This is our life. You’re my wife and that’s how it’s always going to be.” Her back hit the door and she couldn’t move further from him as he kept getting closer. “I’m going to bed.” He reached up and grabbed her chin in his hand. “You better still be here when I wake up.” 

As he stalked away, back toward the bedroom, she collapsed onto the couch, weeping once again for all she’d lost. She cried herself to sleep, never going to the bedroom. 

The next morning, Frank had a bright look on his face. He straightened his tie in the mirror before turning to look back at Claire where she sat at the kitchen table. “I have to go meet with the dean today. They expected me to start back in October and were kind enough to offer me a later start. So I’ll be going in to do some work and get ready for the new semester as well.” He opened the fridge and noted the emptiness. “You could take care of getting some groceries. Taking care of the house a bit.” 

Claire only nodded in reply. 

He walked to the door, turning back before he opened it. “Oh, and by the way, you better be here when I return. If you disappear again, I’ll know just where you’ve run back to. And if I find you there again, I’m going to make what I did to that man’s face look like child’s play. So you better be here when I come home. I’d prefer if a dinner could be prepared by then as well. Understand?” 

Claire took a deep breath, fighting the hundreds of remarks that came to her lips. She nodded instead. He smiled almost evilly before walking out the door. Claire pressed her hand to the locket hanging around her neck. It was hidden under her shirt. If Frank had seen it, he’d have likely torn it from her. She quietly thanked her former self for having the urge to wear it that morning. Otherwise, it would have laid abandoned at Lallybroch just like her heart. 

She had no motivation to do anything around the house. The role of Frank’s wife was one she’d never wanted to assume again. Her heart was shattered and her mind was in a haze. She moved aimlessly, time passing without her noticing. Hours had passed (she assumed) since Frank had left when a knock on the door pulled her attention. She was half tempted to ignore it, but it grew more insistent as she hesitated.

Opening the door, Claire was stunned to see Jenny and Young Jamie on the other side. “Jenny?” Claire gasped. 

“God, it’s good to see ye,” Jenny said, pulling Claire into a tight hug. 

“What are you doing here?” Claire asked, staring at her with wide eyes. 

“We came to save ye,” Jenny told her. 

“Claire!” Young Jamie cried, hugging her around the legs. Claire felt tears well in her eyes as she patted the boy’s back. 

“You can’t be here,” Claire warned. “If he sees you here, he’ll hurt you.” 

“Well I’m assuming he’s no’ here right now then.” 

“No, he’s at the university,” Claire informed her. 

Jenny walked in the house past Claire. “Perfect, then we’ve enough time for ye to gather yer things and get in the car.” Jenny pulled an envelope out of the bag and handed them to Claire. “By the way, I thought ye might need these.” She looked down and saw the envelope that held her extra copy of divorce papers. “I ken where ye hid them,” Jenny explained. 

Claire’s eyes closed, tears slipping down her cheeks as she held them close. “I can’t,” she whispered. 

Jenny turned around, staring at Claire confusedly. “Why? Ye dinna want to be here. He’s just going to hurt ye again. Claire, ye have to get out of here.” 

“He’d know where I went. He found me there once, so he’d do so again.” 

“We didna ken he was coming,” Jenny said. “But we’ll protect properly this time.” 

“I don’t care about protecting me,” Claire argued, throwing the envelope down on the table. “You’re the ones I’m trying to protect. You and your family. He already…” she cut herself off as she got choked up. “He already hurt Jamie.” 

“Jamie’s going to be fine,” Jenny promised. “Ian took him to the hospital, though he was apparently verra angry that he was there and no’ looking for ye.” 

“I can’t go back,” Claire repeated. “I can’t be the reason you all get hurt.” 

“Ye’ll get hurt here!” Jenny insisted. She huffed out a breath as she tried to reason with Claire. “So dinna go back to Lallybroch. I’ll take ye to the airport and ye can go to North Carolina. My aunt will take ye in, surely. I’ll go back to Scotland and I’ll send Jamie there. Ye can be together and Frank will ne’er find ye.” 

Claire shook her head. The visions of violence Frank had put in her head that morning couldn’t be shaken. She looked down at the boy clinging to his mother’s skirt. He had no idea of the situation they were in. He was innocent in it all, yet he could be hurt as well if Claire wasn’t careful. She had to follow Frank’s orders or risk the people she loved getting hurt more.  It took all the strength she had, but she walked back to the door and opened it. “You need to go,” she told Jenny. “If he finds you here, it won’t be pretty. For any of us. I appreciate what you’re doing, but this is what I have to do.”

Jenny shook her head, not wanting to take no for an answer. “Claire, think this through. He’s going to hurt ye again.” 

“Maybe so,” Claire admitted, “but I can’t let him hurt you too. Your family is wonderful and very precious to me. I can’t be the reason you all are in danger. Please go, before he gets home.” 

Tears swam in Jenny’s eyes as she walked to the door. She turned around as she reached the porch. “This is yer last chance. Come with us.” 

Claire stood firm in her decision. “I can’t.” Jenny breathed out a deep sigh. “And Jenny? Please tell Jamie not to come looking for me. I can’t let him get hurt any more than he already has.” 

Jenny shook her head at Claire. “Ye’re making the wrong choice.” 

Claire took a deep breath. “To me, it feels like the only option I have. I know what Frank’s capable of and I can’t unleash that on you all. I’m sorry. I love your family and I always will. And that’s why I have to stay.” 

Jenny took one last look at Claire, shooting her a pleading glance. When Claire stood firm, she nodded, mostly to herself, and walked back to the car. 

Claire couldn’t watch the last chance she had at a happy life drive away. She closed the door and leaned against it, tears falling down her cheeks in earnest. Her legs curled to her chest as she laid in a ball and wept for the life she was leaving behind. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be up on Friday! Thanks for reading!


	13. Alone in the World

After Jenny left and Claire accepted the choice she’d made, time started to pass in a blur. Nothing stood out to her. Her life almost seemed rote. She would get up, fix Frank breakfast, see him off to work, and do whatever chores needed doing. There was no deviation from routine. Frank pushed her to be the perfect wife, and it was only fear that compelled her to do so. Meals were always made. The house was always spotless. Claire did her best to sport at least a hint of a smile when he walked in the door. But on the inside, she was empty. Her life had no meaning. 

Before Jamie, she’d had nursing. Frank wouldn’t allow her to continue her nursing career once she returned, so she didn’t even have that. At Lallybroch, even when she couldn’t leave, they’d made her feel important and helpful while she was there. But in Oxford, she felt adrift. She knew her heart and her passion were still in Scotland and there was no use in her trying to find it elsewhere. She wouldn’t be able to recapture it. 

It wasn’t until she was looking at the calendar to mark an event of Frank’s that she realized she’d been back a full month. Three months at Lallybroch had passed in a blink of peace, but one month with Frank had dragged on like a year. 

She lived in a constant state of fear and anxiety. Since she’d been back, Frank hadn’t raised a hand to her. Aside from some not-so-veiled threats at the beginning, he’d been calm. Once he could tell that she’d fully assumed the role of meek housewife, he had no complaints. She made sure everything was as perfect as possible to avoid any outbursts. He wasn’t quite the same Frank from before the war, but blessedly, he wasn’t the same Frank she’d left. 

Still, she didn’t want to fall into a false sense of security. Each time she wondered if her running away had taught him a lesson, she reminded herself of what he was capable of doing. She heard Jamie and Jenny’s pleas in her mind.  _ He’s going to hurt ye again _ . And because of that, she was constantly on alert. He hadn’t hurt her  _ yet _ . 

Spending days alone was hard for her. She had nothing to distract her from her pain. During the evenings, she had to entertain Frank and keep things in order. But the days were harder. She would often think of what she could be doing if she was at Lallybroch. Each time, she’d push it from her mind, but it came back so easily. She’d be cooking Frank’s dinner and she’d hear advice from Mrs. Fitz. She’d be sewing a button back on a shirt and she’d picture Jenny doing the same. She’d see Frank crawl into bed and she’d remember how it felt to lay next to Jamie. 

Bedtime became another difficult time. She couldn’t fathom sharing a bed with Frank again. She’d known true peace and passion in the time she’d shared a bed with Jamie. To attempt to find that with Frank would feel like a betrayal and a lie. Each night, she’d lay as far to the edge of the bed as she could. When Frank fell asleep, she’d retreat to the couch, pulling a blanket from the closet. As far as Frank knew, she just always woke up before him. 

Claire had been back in Oxford for a month and a half when she met Louise. She and her husband lived across the street, but Claire hardly ever left the house. Or even more, hardly ever felt like chatting. Claire was getting the mail one day when Louise was getting out of her car. She gleefully ran over to introduce herself. Claire did her best to fake a smile and try to get back inside. After they’d been formally introduced, Claire somehow started to run into Louise more and more often. Once Claire actually started talking to Louise, she realized she was a very comforting presence. Her husband taught at Oxford as well so they often ended up at events together. 

One afternoon, Claire was enjoying tea at Louise’s. Unbeknownst to her, it was an afternoon that would start to change her life. Louise stirred her spoon in her tea, all the while looking at Claire. “You’re not very happy, are you Claire?” 

Claire’s eyes widened as she looked at the other woman. “I’m sorry?” 

“It’s something I’ve noticed about you,” she replied. “Especially when you’re around Frank. You’re always tense and you never touch him or usually let him touch you. And when you’re not trying to appear happy, you just have a desolate look about you. Like you’re utterly miserable, but you’re trying so hard to cover it up.” 

Claire raised her eyebrows. “I suppose I thought I was doing a better job of hiding it in public,” she admitted. 

Louise reached out and took Claire’s hand. “You do. Whenever we’re at parties together, you sell it. To people who don’t know you, you seem happy. But the more I get to know you, the more of yourself you show me.” Louise shot her a look of sympathy. “And I’m sorry if I was blunt, but you just don’t seem very happy.” 

Claire took a deep breath, setting her tea down. “That’s because I’m not.” 

“Was it the war?” Louise asked. “I know my husband was so desperate to forget about the war that he moved us from France to England and he got his job at Oxford. Was it like that?” 

“No,” Claire replied. She tilted her head, trying to find the best way to describe it. “Well, yes and no. I’ve lost a lot. Both during the war and after it, I lost all of my family.” 

“Except Frank,” Louise pointed out. Claire’s silence was reply enough. Louise sat forward and held Claire’s hand, trying to meet her eye line. “Claire, you seem like you have so much you want to say and yet can’t. I promise you that I won’t tell anyone. But why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you.” 

“Frank wouldn’t like that,” Claire whispered. 

“Well Frank isn’t here,” Louise reminded her. Claire looked up to see the other woman watching her. She could tell by the look on her face that Louise wasn’t going to let it go. “Was there someone else during the war?” 

Claire closed her eyes. “Yes and no. I didn’t realize it at the time, but yes.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“It started in October,” Claire began. She shook her head. “Well, really it started before that. It started the moment Frank…” she cleared her throat, trying to talk past the lump that had formed there. “It started when Frank began to hit me.” Louise’s face fell. It urged Claire to continue. “I ran away from him and ended up running right back to the man I knew during the war.” She took a deep breath. “His name is Jamie.” 

Louise nodded for her to continue and the whole story came pouring out of Claire. She told her about the abuse and running away. About finding Jamie, and the Murrays taking her in. She talked about Ned and trying to get a divorce without seeing Frank. She cried as she reached the devastating end and how she landed back in Oxford. She didn’t realize until that moment how much she’d needed to talk to someone about what she’d been through. Louise wiped a few tears away as Claire finished her story. 

“My God, ma chere,” she breathed.  “How do you do it? How do you live this life with him?” 

Claire felt a tear of her own fall down her cheek. “I have no choice. It’s what I have to do to keep those I love safe.” 

Louise shook her head. “That’s not right. People need to know what kind of man he is. You could be free of him. You could go back to Scotland!” 

Claire closed her eyes. “It wouldn’t work. He hasn’t hurt me since I’ve been back. But if I threaten to leave, he will. I know it would be the breaking point.” Louise breathed out a sigh. “Believe it or not, it helps to just have someone know the truth.” 

Louise gave Claire a sad smile as she reached out and held her hand. “You have my secrecy and my support. But know, I want nothing more than to see you traipse back off to Scotland. You’re far too good, Claire. And you deserve it.” 

Claire squeezed her hand. “I appreciate that. I just don’t think it’ll ever happen. I think I’m stuck here until Frank’s next whim takes him somewhere else.” 

“Well, anytime you need to talk, I’ll be here. Just across the street,” Louise assured her. 

* * *

February rolled into March and time still passed all too slowly for Claire. Spending time with Louise could be a good distraction, but nothing could take Claire’s mind off of Jamie. She missed him with every fiber of her being. There were many afternoons that she’d walk by the phone and stare at it, all the while contemplating calling Lallybroch. A few times, she picked up the receiver but couldn’t make herself dial. They deserved peace and she couldn’t offer them that. Talking to Jamie might be good in the moment, but it would only make it hurt worse when they hung up. 

She never called him, but she often dreamed of him. Sometimes the dreams were so vivid, she woke up thinking it was real. When she found herself back on the couch, it was a quick reminder of her true situation. She’d picture so many different things in the dreams. Sometimes they were walking hand in hand through the fields or sitting by the fire. Occasionally she’d be back sitting by his cot in the medical tent. The worst nights were when her dreams reminded her of the passion between them. She’d wake up, still feeling him against her, only to be alone. 

The only comfort when her desolation became too much was being able to talk to Louise. The woman always lent her ear and offered consolation. There was nothing Louise could do to fix Claire’s situation, but she did her best to help offer support. 

It was late March when Frank informed Claire that they were hosting one of his colleagues and the man’s wife for dinner. Claire plastered on a fake smile and agreed to have it all ready. When Friday evening arrived, she’d thrown together a pretty good looking meal. She mentally sent a word of thanks to Mrs. Fitz for the help. The evening seemed to go well. Frank looked pleased enough. He was caught up in conversation with his colleague as Claire bussed the table. The man’s wife grabbed a few dishes and followed Claire into the kitchen. 

“Claire, this was just delicious,” the woman said. “Thank you so much!” 

Claire smiled back at her. “Thank you, Mary. I’m so glad you enjoyed it.” 

The two women sat down in the kitchen, letting the men have the dining room to talk history. 

“You have a lovely home here.” 

Claire looked around the kitchen, nodding to herself. “Thank you. It’s a sweet little house.” 

“It is,” Mary agreed. “Must be perfect for a growing family.” 

Claire choked on her drink. “I’m sorry?” 

“Oh, pardon me,” Mary said with a wave of her hand. “I just assumed that sometime soon you and Frank would start a family.” 

Claire took a deep breath, fighting off the horror rising within her. “Since the war, we haven’t really talked about it, honestly.” 

“The war’s been over for almost a year now,” Mary reminded her. 

With a nod, Claire agreed. “Yes, but we were both in it. And we just haven’t brought it up yet.” 

Mary seemed to finally sense Claire’s apprehension and nodded. “Well maybe someday will feel like the right time to start a family. It’s such a wonderful experience for a couple.” 

Claire flashed her a fake smile. “I’m sure so. Seems wonderful, indeed.” 

She let Mary prattle on about something else while her mind began to wander. Thankfully, the visiting couple didn’t stay too long into the evening. When Frank was heading to bed, Claire begged off by saying she was cleaning up the kitchen. She took her time, making sure everything was sparkling. But after that, she laid down on the couch, not even pretending to join Frank in bed. Her mind was racing from thought to thought at a dangerous pace. 

Sitting up, she realized her life in England wasn’t sustainable. When Mary had asked Claire about children, she almost physically rejected the idea. She’d always wanted children, and for a while had wanted Frank’s children. But now, the idea of raising a child with a man who could so easily turn violent terrified her. If she could barely stand to be around Frank for fear of him hurting her, she could never do that to her child. Her breath grew short as a series of realizations continued to hit her. By the end of the night, her mind was made up. 

She had to leave Frank. 

* * *

Two days later, Claire knocked incessantly on Louise’s door. Louise almost looked annoyed as she opened the door until she saw it was Claire. “What’s going on?” 

“I need your help,” Claire said, nearly out of breath. Her nerves were getting the best of her. “I have two errands I have to run today and I don’t want to go alone.” 

Louise simply nodded, grabbing her purse from inside and walking out with Claire. “Okay, so where are we going.” 

“The second stop is the bank,” Claire told her. 

Louise stopped in front of Claire’s car, nodding to process it all. “Okay. And what’s the first stop?” Her eyes went wide as Claire told her the first place they’d be going. 

It was a full week later when Claire got the call she’d been waiting on. Everything had been in place, but with confirmation, suddenly it all seemed more real. Each day for a week, Louise had come over to help her slowly pack her things. There hadn’t been too much she’d actually wanted to hold onto. They’d taken them over and stashed boxes at Louise’s house. It went so slowly that Frank didn’t seem to notice. All that was left was her clothes. With the call, Claire sent the message over to Louise and she came scurrying over to help Claire do the final steps of packing. 

“Now, the car you have is  _ yours _ , right?” Louise asked. 

“It was my Uncle Lamb’s and he left it to me,” Claire told her. “So everything can go in the car and I’ll be ready to go.” 

Louise seemed as nervous as Claire. “Are you sure you don’t want me here when you tell him? Just as a precaution?” 

Claire had weighed the idea when Louise had originally pitched it. Ultimately, she’d decided she needed to do it herself. If she was ever going to truly leave Frank, she needed to have the courage to do it on her own. No secrets, no running away. Just facing him and laying out her best options. 

“I still appreciate the offer, but no.” She sighed. “I have to do this myself.” 

“What if he hurts you?” Louise whispered. 

Claire swallowed past the lump in her throat as she snapped her suitcase shut. “Then when I can, I’ll come over to you. But I really don’t think it’ll come to that.” 

“You seem awfully optimistic.” 

“I don’t know why, but I feel like it,” Claire admitted. “It feels like it’s finally the time. Things are lined up and ready. I have all my arguments in order. I feel like I can do this. I can get him to agree.” 

Louise snapped the last suitcase shut and looked over at Claire. She pulled her into a big hug. “Good luck, ma chere. I wish you nothing but the best.” 

Claire nodded at her friend. “Thank you.” 

“You have to write me, you know?” Louise demanded. 

Claire smiled. “I promise I will. I just have to get out of here first.” 

Louise gave her another hug at the door. The two women exchanged a nod before Louise turned and went back to her house. 

Claire put the two suitcases by the door and waited for Frank to get home. Her nerves were getting the better of her and she started to pace. When she heard his car pull into the driveway, she made herself sit down at the table. Her fingers drummed on the top as she waited for him to walk in. 

The door opened and he put his keys on the table by the door. As he looked down, he noticed the two suitcases. Slowly, he closed the door and looked over to Claire. “Are we going somewhere, Darling?” 

“ _ We’re  _ not. I am,” Claire said, mustering all the courage she had. 

Frank laughed, walking closer to the table. “Oh? And where do you think you’re going.” 

“Wherever the fuck I want,” she answered. She stood and slapped the envelope down on the table between them. 

Frank’s brows knitted together as he picked up the envelope. Looking inside, fury crossed his face. “What the hell are these?” 

“You’ve seen them before. They’re the divorce papers,” Claire told him. “You’re going to sign them.” 

“No, I bloody won’t,” Frank denied. “How did you get these? I burned them!” 

“Did you honestly think those were the only copy?” she asked. She was proud of how calm and measured her voice sounded. Inside, her heart was racing and her nerves were fried. 

“Claire, do you really think you’re just going to walk away from me?” Frank demanded. “I’ve been good to you. Since you came back, I’ve been good to you, damn it!” 

Claire shook her head at him. “Frank, I have no future here. I can’t sleep in the same bed as you because I’m terrified of your touch. Have you not noticed how I shrink away every time you try to touch me? You destroyed the marriage we had, Frank. The Claire you were married to is gone. Our marriage has been fractured since the moment you hit me.” 

“But we restarted,” Frank argued. “You chose to come back with me and we restarted our marriage. I haven’t hurt you since then.” 

“It doesn’t matter!” Claire cried. “I’m always waiting for it. And you may have thought we restarted, but we didn’t. I’m getting by on fear and anxiety. And that’s no way to live. I can’t do this anymore, Frank. I can’t be constantly afraid to give you some sort of bad news because I think you’ll hurt me over it. That’s no marriage, Frank. That’s only fear.” She shook her head. “And I didn’t  _ choose _ to come back with you Frank. You pointed a gun at me and someone I cared about and told me to come with you. My choice was eliminated the moment you put a threat on it.” 

“So, what, you’re just going to run right back to him?” Frank asked. “You don’t think I’d follow you and bring you back here again?” 

“I’m not running away this time,” Claire stated. “I’m letting you know now that I am leaving you.”

Frank looked back down at the papers. “I wouldn’t sign them before. What makes you think I’m actually going to do so now?” 

“Because of Oxford. You’re so very proud to be working at such a prestigious university. How do you think your bosses would react to knowing you like to beat your wife, sometimes within an inch of her life?” Claire asked, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes at him. “And if that’s not enough, there’s always law enforcement. I could lodge a formal report about the abuse I’ve suffered at the hands of my husband.” 

He seethed. “You wouldn’t. Besides, you have no proof.” 

“No proof?” Claire asked, a dark laugh escaping her. “Sober Frank may have been smart enough to only leave marks that would fade, but I’m afraid Drunk Frank left me marked forever.” She reached around and touched the scar on her shoulder. “Broken beer bottles aren’t very good for the skin, dear.” 

He looked genuinely shocked to know she had a scar. “So, what? You’d tell my employers? You think they’d fire me?” He didn’t seem to care about her threat to take it to the police.

“You made them push back your start date. You had that argument early on with the dean. I have to wonder if this sort of information would be the last straw. I wonder if they’d think it was too risky to keep you on staff,” Claire mused. “Sign the papers or I talk. To whoever is willing to listen.” 

Frank glared at her. “If you’re so scared of me, why do this?” 

“Because I want my bloody freedom. This isn’t the life I want. And I’m tired of it. Sign the fucking papers, Frank. This isn’t love anymore. Keep your reputation and give me my freedom. Seems like an equal trade here.” Claire slid the pen down the table to him. 

Frank watched her for a long moment. She could tell he was weighing everything he said. His eyes roved over her like he was trying to see through her to the scar on her back. “What’s to stop you from trying to ruin my life once I sign these papers?” 

Claire shook her head at him. “I’m not you, Frank. I don’t want you to hurt. I just don’t want to hurt anymore. You sign those papers and you buy my silence.” 

He took a deep breath and blew it out. Finally, he picked up the pen and pulled out the papers. He shook his head the entire time he signed on each line. Throwing the pen down on the table, he walked away from her and into the kitchen. Claire ran over and stuffed the papers back in the envelope, sticking them in her suitcase before he could change his mind and destroy them. 

He walked back into the room as she was opening the door. She picked up her suitcases, trying to decide what to say to him. “I have to ask,” she finally said, “do you feel sorry about any of it?” 

Frank sneered at her. “The war changed me, Claire.” 

Claire breathed out a sad laugh. “The war changed me, too, Frank.” She clutched her suitcases tighter in her hands. “You just didn’t care enough to notice.” She set one suitcase down and closed the door behind her. She breathed out a true sigh of relief for the first time in months. There was a long road ahead of her, but she was hopeful again for the first time since January. The haze had lifted, and she could finally regain the future she wanted. 

As she turned the key in the car and heard the engine roar, a smile crossed her face. She pulled away from the house in Oxford with room for a family to grow. Pulling out onto the road, she headed for the place where a family already awaited her. 

Her trip back to Scotland took her longer than it did when Frank was driving her away three months ago. She took her time and made a very important stop in Edinburgh on the way. Feeling truly free, she crested the final hill and paused. Putting the car in park, she stared at the house for a moment. A smile grew on her face as she started to drive again, rain pouring down around her. It was just like the first time she’d gone there. But this time, she was finally heading home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments and support for this fic! The next chapter will be up on Sunday! After that, there's one chapter left!


	14. Coming Home

As Jamie walked down into the kitchen, his shoulders slumped and his head hung. It was his normal posture ever since Claire had left. He’d thought that leaving her the first time had left him truly miserable, but this was a whole other level of misery. They’d been so close to having a life together. When he’d met her, he could only imagine, only dream that one day he’d have that opportunity. But then she came back to him and they admitted their love for each other and they’d actually started to live like there was nothing else in their way. 

What a mistake that had been. 

_ He was still in a lot of pain when Jenny came home from England. She and Young Jamie walked in the door and hope elevated him for a moment until he saw the look on Jenny’s face. She glanced over at him and Ian, shaking her head. Jamie’d let out a whimper of pain, standing up and walking towards his sister. “What happened?” he demanded.  _

_ “Well, clearly she isna here,” Jenny said, almost bluntly.  _

_ “Was she hurt?” Jamie asked, feeling the desperation rise in him.  _

_ “No, she was fine. Didna look like he’d laid a hand on her,” Jenny assured him.  _

_ “Well then why did she not come?” Ian pressed.  _

_ Jenny took a deep breath, taking the chance to sit down. “She didn’t want to come.”  _

_ Jamie shook his head as he paced back and forth in front of Jenny. “No, that’s a lie. She wanted to be here. She didna want to go back to him. She told me! Perhaps she was scared Frank would find her and hurt her again.” Jamie ran to the table by the door and looked through the drawer for the keys.  _

_ “What are ye doing?” Jenny called to him.  _

_ “I’m going to get her!” Jamie exclaimed. “She belongs here and she’s just going to get hurt if she stays there. I canna let that happen.”  _

_ “Jamie,” Jenny said, a defeated tone to her voice, “she had every opportunity to come with me. She chose to stay in Oxford. With him. To restart her marriage.” She closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly. “She told me to tell ye no’ to come looking for her.” Jenny reached out and laid a hand on Jamie’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, but if she wanted to be here, she would be.”  _

Since then, Jamie had retreated further into himself. He knew Jenny and Ian were worried about him, but nothing brought him out of his stupor. There had been plenty of times in the last three months that Jamie had grabbed the keys, ready to drive and find her. But Jenny’s words would always repeat in his mind. He didn’t think he could handle being shunned by Claire. In his mind, she left to spare him. That was how he always had to think of it, no matter what Jenny said. 

He’d been a shadow of his former self, more closed off and depressed than he’d even been coming back from the war. Only one moment in the last three months had brightened his spirits momentarily, and that was the birth of his niece, Margaret. Ian had rushed Jenny off to the nearest hospital and Jamie had stayed home to take care of his nephew. Still, even during a moment like that, Jamie couldn’t help but note that Claire should have been there for it. She’d been so excited for the new baby and now she was missing it. 

She liked to return in his dreams to further haunt him. Many nights in the past few months she’d appeared and reminded him of how much he missed her. Like he needed the reminder. Each time he suggested a new idea of a way to get Claire back, Jenny would shut him down. Jamie was losing his mind, but there was no clear path ahead of him. Jenny reminded him time and time again that Claire made the choice to stay, under no threat from Frank. 

Jamie took up a lot of the work around Lallybroch as spring approached. He did it to let Ian spend time with his wife and children, but also to try and distract himself. When he was preparing the estate for the spring planting, his mind had to be focused on his labor. Well, in theory. He often spent that time fantasizing what it would be like to go back and find Claire, to bring her home again. 

He wondered if this was how she felt when he left to go back to the war. She had been, for the most part, safe at her medical camp, not running headlong into warfare. And Jamie was the one risking his health and safety. But now it was reversed. Jamie was safe and sound at Lallybroch while Claire was in danger of being attacked by Frank again. 

Jamie sighed as he walked to the kitchen. Not a day had passed that he hadn’t thought of Claire. Jenny was holding the bairn and Ian was helping Young Jamie eat when he walked in. “Good morning,” Jenny greeted. Jamie offered a grunt in reply as he grabbed the bottle of milk from the fridge. “What’s on yer agenda for the day?” she asked. 

“Going outside to work,” Jamie responded as he turned to leave the kitchen. 

“Have ye missed the torrential downpour we’re having?” Ian asked, gesturing to the window. 

Jamie turned around and looked outside. Ian was right, it was raining fiercely. He sighed to himself, wondering how he’d missed that. “I can work through it. I’m a tough man. It’s Scotland, so it rains all the time.” 

“No’ like this,” Ian reminded him. “This is a heavy rain. Ye’ll mess up the fields if ye go out in this. They’ll get torn to shite.” 

Jamie huffed out a breath, desperately wishing he had some sort of distraction. The family scene before him was only a reminder of what he’d wished to have with Claire. “Fine,” he sighed. “I suppose I’ll look over the books and make sure things are in order, aye?” 

Ian nodded. “That would be a great help, thanks.” 

Jamie didn’t reply and simply walked from the room, needing to get away from them. The rain hadn’t let up as he’d worked for a few hours on the books. He’d taken most of the morning to work on it. A knock at the front door jolted his focus. There was no telling where Jenny and Ian had wandered to, so he got up to answer the door himself. 

Jamie opened the door, unable to believe the sight in front of him. 

* * *

As she put the car in park and got out into the rain, Claire started to get nervous. The only emotions she’d felt on the rest of the drive were excitement and freedom. But now, as she got closer to the door, closer to the life she’d wanted, she grew nervous. What if Jenny hadn’t reacted well to Claire denying her lifeline and they told her to leave? What if Jamie had been angry that Claire didn’t come back and didn’t want her anymore? What would she do if the life she’d been counting on was no longer waiting for her? 

She shook her head, trying to clear out the dark thoughts lingering there. Her clothes were already getting wet as she walked all the way to the door. Reaching out with a shaking hand, Claire knocked on the door. As she waited, she looked around the courtyard, trying to see what had changed. She spotted the truck, noticing the shattered side mirror. Her heart hurt as she relived the last time she’d seen Jamie. 

The sound of the lock unclicking grabbed her attention and she turned back to the door. It opened, revealing the sight she’d longed for the most. Jamie stood in front of her and this time it wasn’t a dream. She stared at him, drinking in his appearance. Her heart broke at the sight of the scars on his face from Frank’s attack. Just seeing him brought her unspeakable joy and her face broke out in a broad smile. 

His did not, though. He stood there staring at her, completely dumbfounded. She stood in the rain as she waited for him to say anything. 

“Hi,” she whispered, feeling even more nervous. 

“Who is it?” she heard Jenny ask from inside the house. Jamie still didn’t say anything and Jenny walked to the door with him. She was holding a small baby in her arms as she looked Claire over. “Well, well, well.” 

Jenny made no move to let Claire in either. Jamie’s broad body and Jenny’s short stature blocked the doorway. Claire didn’t know what to say. She could feel the rain seeping into her clothes. 

“What are ye both doing?” Ian called. Claire caught a quick glance at him around Jamie and Jenny’s bodies. She could tell when he spotted her though. “For Christ’s sake, ye fools! It’s pourin’ out there! Let her inside!” 

Jamie shook his head, seemingly realizing it was raining. Jenny gave Claire an almost disapproving look and stepped aside. Claire took a hesitant step forward, wondering for the millionth time just what her reception would be. So far, it didn’t seem promising. 

Ian walked toward her, not embracing her, but looking a good amount happier than the other two. “Claire, it’s good to see ye.” 

Claire smiled at him. “Thank you, Ian. It’s good to see you too. To see all of you,” she added. Claire looked at the baby in Jenny’s arms. “You had the baby!” 

“Yes, I did. Ye see, time moved forward while ye were gone,” Jenny said with an almost biting tone. Claire took a deep breath, not sure how to reply to that. 

“Jenny,” Ian scolded. 

“So what are ye doing here?” Jenny asked. 

“That’s no’ yer question to ask,” Ian quickly countered. He shot a look at Jamie. As did Claire. He still seemed frozen, unsure of the sight before him. Claire hoped it was just surprise and not something worse. Ian cleared his throat and nodded to Jenny in the direction of the kitchen. “We’ll, uh, give ye both some space. And Claire, I’ll get ye a towel since ye’re dripping.” 

Claire couldn’t help but breathe out a laugh. “Thank you.” Jenny was quickly ushered out of the room and Ian brought her a towel as promised before Claire and Jamie were finally left alone. 

Claire turned to look at him as she ran the towel over her sopping hair. He was staring at her with a guarded expression. She didn’t know what to say to him. There were so many things she needed him to know, but before any of that, she wanted to know what he was thinking. 

He cleared his throat, looking down at his feet. “So, uh, to jump off of what Jenny was saying, why are ye here?” 

Claire took a deep breath. “I suppose I have a lot of reasons,” she started. “For one, I never wanted to leave. I left because it was the only way I knew I could protect you. For the last three months, this is where I wanted to be. And I guess I just reached the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. So...here I am.” 

Jamie’s brow furrowed for a moment, so many different emotions crossing his face, one right after the other. “So, ye ran away again, then? Surely Frank’s on his way here after ye, aye? Did he hurt ye again? Is that why ye’re here?” 

Claire shook her head, starting to feel defensive. She knew Jamie had to have been hurt by their separation, but she couldn’t understand why he was acting this way. “No, he never hurt me again. And I didn’t run away,” she clarified. “Not this time. I left him.” 

“Why come back?” Jamie asked, pain seeping through his hardened expression. 

She couldn’t help but gape at him. “Jamie, I have been living the last three months in a constant state of fear and misery. And every time I thought of what could make me happy, it all pointed back to here. I knew that I could be happy here.” 

“Are ye sure about that?” 

Claire stared at him for a long beat. “Do you want me to go?” she asked on a breath. “I know that things were blown apart and we were both left to pick up the pieces on our own. But there was no question for me as to where I needed to go. If you don’t want me to be here, just tell me and I’ll go.”  

His eyes finally found hers and held her gaze. “No,” he said in a low voice. “No, I don’t want ye to go. But I must know why ye returned.” 

“I’ve just bloody told you,” Claire cried. “Jamie, this is where I want to be. With you!” 

“Then why would ye no’ come back?” he retorted. 

The breath blew out of Claire and she felt deflated. She took a long pause as she tried to decide the proper way to respond. Clearly, Jamie was hurt, but so was she. “Is this about when Jenny came to find me?” 

“Aye,” he choked out. 

“Of course I wanted to go with her,” Claire began, “but I couldn’t. Hours before she showed up, Frank had left for work. He promised me that if I wasn’t there, he’d know where I was and more than that, he’d make what he did to you look like nothing.” Jamie’s eyes closed as he took a breath. “So when Jenny came and begged me to come with her, I obviously wanted to. But I left to protect you. To protect your whole family. I couldn’t risk being the reason he hurt you.” Her hand raised, wanting so badly to touch the new lines on his face. “Hurt you more than he already did,” she whispered. “It was rather like you leaving to go back to the war to protect me. It was stupid, but it was the only way you could think of to protect me.” She shot him a pleading look. “That’s what this was for me.” 

Jamie heaved out a sigh, nodding slightly. “So then  _ how _ are ye here?” 

Claire started to wring her hands. She couldn’t stay in one place and started to pace to either side of the hallway. “I hit a breaking point. I knew my life there held no value. It was a hollow shell and I was living a routine, not a life. I hated it. So, finally I plucked up the courage and I told Frank I was leaving.” 

“Were ye no’ worrit he’d hurt ye?” Jamie asked, his voice softer than before. 

“Of course I was,” Claire replied. “But I had no choice. I had to get out of there.” She sighed, closing her eyes as she remembered her final moments in England. “I bought my freedom by agreeing to preserve his reputation. He signed the papers and I left.” 

Jamie’s eyes widened as he processed her story. “Wait,” he said, holding up a hand. “The papers?” Claire nodded. “Ye mean…” 

“I’m divorced,” she finished for him. “I dropped them off with Ned on my way here.” Claire stopped pacing and took a hesitant step towards him. “I never wanted a life with Frank again, I just wanted to keep you safe. But I couldn’t keep it up. Risking my own safety to try and get my freedom seemed like the only way. But I’m here and I’m free of my ties to that bloody man.” Claire took another step toward him. “I’m sorry for any pain I caused you by leaving. I just couldn’t let anything happen to you.” 

Jamie took a step toward her, reaching out and cupping her cheek. It gave her the courage to continue. “I love you, Jamie. And that’s why I had to come back. I had to see if you’d still have me.” 

He breathed out a watery laugh, bringing his other hand up to cup her other cheek. “I was so scared for ye,” he admitted. “So many times I picked up the keys and wanted to go after ye. I thought ye stayed because ye didna want to be here, that ye’d changed yer mind.” He shook his head with a sigh. “I ken it was foolish, but it was what Jenny led me to believe.” His forehead came to rest against hers. “I have dreamt that ye’d return and I could tell ye just how much I want ye here. How much I  _ need _ ye here. I love ye, Claire. I’m sorry, too, for all the suffering ye’ve been through just to try and protect me.” 

Claire smiled, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect you.” 

“Aye, and me as well. But instead of taking turns as we have been since we met, perhaps we can just protect each other together,” Jamie suggested, one brow raised. 

She laughed. “I like that idea.” 

“Good,” Jamie said with a smile. He leaned down, pressing his lips to hers. She sighed against him, bringing her arms tighter around him as they settled into the kiss. “God, I’ve missed ye,” he whispered against her lips.

“You have no idea,” she replied, kissing him again. 

They broke apart, staring at each other. Claire’s fingers traced the thickest scar on Jamie’s forehead, tears welling in her eyes. “Dinna fash,” he breathed, “tis just another scar.” 

She brought his head down and placed a kiss over it. “I wish I could have been here for you,” she confessed. 

“I would have welcomed yer gentle healing touch,” he agreed. His eyes roved over her appraising her appearance. “Ye said he didna hurt ye?” 

Claire shook her head, a touched smile forming. “No, he didn’t. He never laid a hand on me.” Jamie’s eyes closed as he breathed out a relieved sigh. He brought her close again, wrapping his arms around her. She held him tight to her, relishing in the feeling of him in her arms. “I should go apologize to your sister. And Ian.” 

“Ye’ve nothing to apologize for, Sassenach.”

“I do,” Claire insisted. “You all did a lot for me and I didn’t thank you very well for it.” She stepped back and looked at him. “I feel I should say something. Jenny seemed a bit put out by my return.” 

Jamie rolled his eyes. “Dinna worry about my sister,” he assured her. 

“I do, though.” A small smile crossed her face. “Besides, I’d like to formally meet the newest Murray.” 

Jamie grinned, taking his hand in hers, walking toward the kitchen. As they entered the room, Jenny and Ian were sitting at the table with their children. All eyes turned to the couple walking in. 

“Claire!” Young Jamie cried as he jumped from his father’s arms and ran to her. 

Claire bent down and wrapped her arms around him, picking him up with her. The boy’s arms were tight around Claire’s neck as they embraced. Tears were welling in her eyes as the boy held on to her. “It’s so good to see you, sweetheart,” she told him. 

His arms loosened a bit as he pulled back and looked at her. “I missed you.” 

Claire smiled, ruffling his hair. “I missed you, too.” 

“Did ye see the bairn?” he asked, an excited look on his face. 

“I saw the bairn, but I haven’t been properly introduced.” The boy wiggled out of her arms and pulled her hand over toward Jenny. 

“This is Maggie,” he said with a proud smile. 

“She’s beautiful,” Claire whispered, sharing a look with Jenny and Ian. Ian smiled with a nod in thanks. Claire took a deep breath, taking a step back toward Jamie. “And I wanted to say I’m sorry.” Jenny looked up at her. “I was in a very hard place, but I know it couldn’t have been easy to make that journey or even more than that, pick up the pieces after I left so suddenly. I hope you know how much I was trying to spare this family any more pain.” 

“We ken, Claire,” Ian promised her. “We just wanted ye to be spared the pain as well.” 

“Ye dinna need to be sorry,” Jenny said in a small voice. “I was just surprised when ye showed up here. Last I saw ye, yer heels seemed to be pretty dug in.” 

“They were then,” Claire admitted. “But some things have made me change my mind in the meantime.” She grabbed Jamie’s hand, needing some courage before she spoke again. “I just hope there’s still room for me here.” 

Jenny stood up from the table and placed Maggie in Claire’s arms. “Ye’ll always be family, Claire. Always.” 

Claire looked down at the squirming baby in her arms and back up to Jenny. “Thank you,” she said, her voice quite choked up. As she held the baby, she rocked in place a bit. Jamie’s arm came around her shoulders as she stood next to him. She smiled at him before looking down at the baby. Suddenly, it felt like the last piece fell back into place. Tears sprang to Claire’s eyes as she looked around the room. 

“Are ye alright, Sassenach?” Jamie asked, rubbing her shoulder. 

She nodded with a smile. “Yes,” she breathed. She looked from Jamie to Jenny and Ian. “It just feels good to be home.” 

Jamie leaned in and kissed her temple. “Aye, ye are home.” A comfortable silence filled the room as Claire rocked the baby in her arms. Suddenly, Jamie cleared his throat, looking over at his sister. “Jenny, given what I’ve learned today, could ye perhaps explain to me why ye told me the things ye did when ye came back from England?” 

Jenny’s eyes went wide for a second. Claire looked nervously between Jenny and Jamie. Ian caught her eye and they exchanged an uncomfortable look. “Well, I had a good reason,” Jenny started. She glanced over at Claire. “When I saw her, she obviously wanted to come back, but she was being stupidly noble and wouldn’t do it. She wanted to protect us.” Jamie looked over to Claire who nodded, backing up Jenny’s story. “She did in fact tell me to tell ye no’ to go looking for her. But I’m assuming it was more out of yer protection and no’ because she wanted to restart her marriage as I led ye to believe.” 

Claire gaped at her. “My God, Jenny.” 

“Look, I felt terrible for lying to ye, Jamie, but I understood where Claire was coming from,” Jenny defended. “I kent that if I simply passed on the message of “Don’t come looking for me” ye’d just ignore it and go anyway. The man had already done ye enough damage. So, I stopped ye from going the best way I could. I thought if nothing else, Claire wanted ye to be safe and that kept ye from going after her.” 

Jamie was at a loss for words, unable to believe the lies she’d told. The kitchen was silent as Jenny’s truth came to light. “Thank you, Jenny,” Claire said, interrupting the silence. Jenny smiled, but Jamie looked at her with a scandalized expression. “I hate that it’s what you thought all these months, but I’m glad it kept you safe. There’s no way of knowing what Frank would have done if you’d have shown up looking for me in Oxford.” 

“Speaking of the man,” Ian said, with a grimace. “How did ye get away?” 

Claire smiled, leaning into Jamie a bit. “I’m divorced.” 

“Seriously?” Jenny asked, her eyes like saucers. “How did ye do it? Did ye go to the police?” 

Claire shook her head. “No. Preserving his reputation bought me my divorce.” 

“Have ye ever thought about going to the police?” Jenny pressed. 

“No,” Claire admitted. “I mean, maybe at first, but I didn’t really think it would go very far into the system. And after I went back, I was too afraid to step out of line.” She curled the baby closer to her chest. 

“Ye could now though,” Ian suggested. “Ye’re out of his grasp.” 

“Honestly, I just don’t want the hassle,” Claire reasoned. “He can’t hurt me anymore. So, what’s the point of dredging up all the pain and suffering now that it’s over?” 

Jamie ran a reassuring hand up and down her back. “Makes sense,” he agreed. “Tis yer decision.” 

Claire looked up at him. “Not entirely. He assaulted you,” she needlessly reminded him. 

He nodded thoughtfully for a moment as his hand squeezed her shoulder. “Aye, but right now I canna seem to care abou’ that. I’d have done something about it then if I hadna worrit about ye getting caught in the crossfire.” 

“I got all I wanted from him,” Claire said, hoping to end all conversation of Frank. The others seemed to take that comment for what it was. 

Jenny stood up. “Okay, then. Who wants lunch?” 

* * *

The afternoon was spent with easy companionable conversation. Claire relished in the feeling of contentment that flowed through her the longer she was at Lallybroch. She watched Ian and Jenny fuss over the baby. She curled into Jamie’s side as he pulled her closer. She listened to Young Jamie tell stories in his three-year-old way. It was the closest to perfection she’d been in months. 

At one point, Young Jamie had left the room and had called for his mother’s help. With a sigh, she stood up and planted the baby in Jamie’s arms. “Here, hold yer niece.” Jamie grinned, taking her happily from his sister. 

Claire watched him, overcome by the sight before her. He only had eyes for the little girl in his arms as he spoke to her in Gaelic. Her heart beat a bit faster the longer she watched. There was still plenty to talk about with their months apart. 

She chanced a glance over at Ian and saw a similar smile on his face. “Tis entertaining to me to see Jamie wi’ a bairn,” Ian confessed to her. “We never got to see that before wi’ Young Jamie. He was two by the time Jamie came home from the war.” He shook his head, grinning the whole time. “But look at him, Claire. He’s a natural.” 

Jamie laughed, but Claire felt overwhelmed. She nodded in reply and faked a smile. When it all became too much, she stood up from the couch. “Excuse me,” she muttered, walking away from the room. She missed the concerned looks Jamie and Ian shared. 

The rain had let up in the hours she’d been back at Lallybroch. She walked out into the courtyard under the guise of getting some of her things. In reality, she needed space to ease her mind. Jamie walked out to find her pacing, her arms curled around herself. “Sassenach, are ye alright?” 

Claire plastered on a fake smile and nodded. “Sure am. I’ll be back in. Just give me a minute.” 

His eyes narrowed as he walked closer to her. He stopped right in front of her, halting her pacing. Resting his hands on her shoulders, he met her gaze. “What’s the matter?” 

Claire took a deep breath. “I’m fine.” Jamie gave her a look, urging her to speak the truth. “Okay, I had more than one reason for coming back,” she confessed. “But you and Jenny didn’t seem exactly happy to see me. So I only told you one of the reasons I came back. Which, really, it was the biggest reason. I came back because I missed you and I didn’t want to live without you. This is also a pretty big reason, though. But I didn’t want to tell you until I knew that you actually wanted me here. Because if I told you this first, then I might never know if you wanted to keep me here for this reason or because you really wanted me here,” she explained, taking a deep breath at the end. 

Jamie’s eyes went wide. “I have no idea what ye mean, Sassenach. What’s going on? Whatever ye need to say, I promise ye, ye can share it wi’ me.” He reached down and grabbed her hands in his. 

Claire nodded, biting her lip. “I’m pregnant,” she said in a small voice, still nervous of his reaction. 

His eyebrows raised and he looked shell-shocked. “Ye are?” Claire nodded. Suddenly, his brow furrowed and his hands started to let go of hers. She grabbed on to them, not letting him go. “Who, who…” he trailed off, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “Who is -” 

“The father?” Claire finished for him. Jamie nodded, a terrified look on his face. “It’s you, Jamie.” 

“How can ye be sure?” he asked, his voice small. 

“Because I didn’t share his bed the entire time I was back there. Both figuratively and literally. I slept on the couch,” she assured him. “Jamie, there’s no chance this child is anyone’s but yours. I promise you.” 

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Ye mean it?” She nodded emphatically. “Ye’re really pregnant?” Claire flashed him a large smile, nodding again. He matched her expression as he grabbed her and pulled her in for a tight hug. “Ye’re pregnant!” he repeated. “I canna believe this!” 

He pulled back and looked at her, his hands coming up to hold her face gently. “I really can’t either,” she admitted. She took a chance to ask the question that made her the most nervous. “Are you happy?” 

He gaped at her. “For the last three months, I didna think I would ever be happy again. But today, that all changed. Yes, yes of course I’m happy.” Jamie leaned down and kissed her. “Claire, ye’ve made me the happiest man alive. And that was just by coming back. This...this is wonderful.” She smiled as tears fell down her cheeks. “Are  _ ye _ happy?” 

Claire leaned in and hugged him tightly. “So happy,” she whispered. 

“How long have ye known?” he asked in a small voice. 

She pulled back and looked at him. “Not long,” she promised. “I was hosting this dinner for a colleague of his and his wife. And the wife asked me when we were going to start our family. And God, I about lost it at the idea of having a family with him. I couldn’t even entertain the idea for a second. And the more I thought about what she’d asked, I realized I hadn’t had my monthly since I’d left here.” She looked up at him with an almost embarrassed expression. He brushed her hair back from her face. 

“So, I made an appointment and went to a doctor. And it took them about a week to finally tell me, but then they did. I had already made up my mind that I was going to leave him. Knowing I had no future there made it seem pointless to be there. I had a friend there and she slowly helped me pack up everything so he wouldn’t notice. And once I got the call, my decision was solidified. I couldn’t raise a child with him. Especially not your child. And especially not when I wanted to be here with you. So, that was when I decided to confront him and make him sign the papers. I didn’t tell him anything about the baby.” 

Jamie was silent for a moment as he held her. “I canna believe it. First, that ye’re here. But then a bairn to boot? I almost feel like I’m dreaming and ye should pinch me.” 

Claire smirked to herself as she lowered her hand and pinched one of his buttocks. He jumped slightly against her as he laughed. “You did say to.” 

“I believe I said  _ almost _ ,” he reminded her through a laugh. He looked down at her, so many emotions on his usually guarded face. “I love ye so much, Claire.” 

She reached her arms up and wrapped them around his neck. “I love  _ you _ so much, Jamie.” She leaned in and kissed him softly. “And I promise, I’ll never leave you again,” she whispered against his lips. He sighed before leaning in again and capturing her lips in a long, deep kiss. 

The rest of the day passed in a slew of emotions. Jenny and Ian had been thrilled when Claire and Jamie told them over dinner that a new baby was on the way. They’d considered sitting on the news, but ultimately, they’d wanted the others to share in their joy. It was the homecoming Claire had dreamt of as she’d laid awake in England. The look of sheer happiness on Jamie’s face was enough to leave an unshakable smile on her face. 

The last several days had worn Claire out. As the last of her nerves and anxieties seeped from her, exhaustion was all that was left. Her head lolled against Jamie’s shoulder as she listened to some story Jenny was telling. Jamie leaned over and kissed the top of her head. He slowly moved her to lean more on the couch as he stood before picking her up. “Ye need sleep,” he said. 

“Aye, ye need lots of it for growing bairns,” Ian called. Claire shot him a smile over Jamie’s shoulder as Jamie carried her out of the room. 

Once they got upstairs, Jamie walked straight to his room. “Your room?” she asked. “Not going to drop me off at mine and then sneak over?” 

He set her down on the bed and sat down next to her. “Nah, no need for show anymore,” he said with a grin. His thumb gestured to a spot over his shoulder. She looked and saw her suitcases leaning against the wall. “Tis no’ just  _ my _ room anymore.” He reached over and brushed her cheek. “If ye’d be alright wi’ that.” 

Claire grinned, leaning forward. “I think I’d be more than alright with that.” She closed the distance between them and kissed him deeply. They broke apart and Jamie kissed her forehead. 

“Ye need sleep,” he repeated. “I’ll be right back.” 

She nodded, going to grab a nightgown from her suitcase before crawling into bed. Laying down, she groaned at the feeling of a nice bed. It didn’t take long for sleep to pull her further under. She was somewhere between sleep and waking when she felt arms pulling her close. For a moment, her mind forgot where she was and she thrashed against him, moving as far away as possible. 

His hands immediately flew off her as he tried to reassure her she was safe. Claire opened her eyes to see Jamie’s terrified face next to her, his hands held up away from her. She started shaking her head as tears welled in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I didn’t know where I was.” 

“Ye dinna need to be sorry,” he whispered. He still looked shaken as he hovered near her. She rolled over and curled against him, giving him permission to hold her close as she continued to sob. Hesitantly, his arms came around her. “Shh, I’m here,” he reassured, stroking her hair. She fell asleep in the arms of the man she loved, comforted by his presence and his compassion. 

Claire woke sometime later in the middle of the night. She was about to turn and look at the clock when she heard Jamie’s voice on a whisper. Perhaps that was what woke her. His hand moved gently along her stomach. She strained her eyes to see where he was in the dark. His head was down next to her stomach as well. That’s when it hit her, he was talking to the baby. He’d stopped talking as she’d started to wake. As she laid still, he seemed to think she was still asleep. She felt bad for listening in, but she couldn’t help it. 

“As I was sayin’,” he continued, running a hand along her still flat stomach. “I’m yer da, which means I’m always going to be there for ye. I promise ye. I’m sorry that I’ve already missed what I have. But I’ll no’ miss anything else.” He paused, seemingly trying to collect his thoughts. “Ye’re a lucky bairn, ye ken that? Because ye are going to have the best mother around. She’s a truly magnificent person. And I can tell ye that when ye scrape yer knee, she’s going to ken jus’ how to make ye feel all better. I know from some scratches I’ve gotten myself.” 

Claire had to bite her lip to keep from making any noise. Her heart felt so full at Jamie’s little talk with their child. “And she’s going to love ye more than ye can even imagine. Well, we both will. Actually, I already do,  _ a leannan _ . Tis only been a matter of hours and I already do. My life hasna always been easy. I’ve had some hard times. But all those hard times led me to yer mam and led to ye. So, I’m beginning to be okay wi’ those times, because really, they made me the happiest I’ve ever been, ye see?” 

When she couldn’t hold back any longer, she reached out and wove her hand through his hair. Jamie’s eyes flicked up and met hers in the darkness. Her eyes had adjusted and she saw the shy smile he gave her. She rubbed her fingers against his scalp, reflecting a smile back at him. “I love you,” she whispered. 

Jamie leaned down and kissed her stomach before crawling up to lay next to her. He pulled her against him. “I love ye, too.” 

Their eyes met, holding their gaze for a moment before they closed the distance between them. Her arms wrapped around his neck, eliminating space between them. His hands found her hips as she opened his mouth to him. Three months apart fueled their embrace. He rolled them over, hovering above her, as he kissed his way down her neck. Quickly, he bunched up her nightgown and stripped it off her. She made quick work of his shirt as well. Her hands roved across his back, the scars she’d helped heal, as he continued his trek down her body. 

“Jamie,” she sighed, urging him. 

He met her for another kiss, clinging to her desperately. Her hips rolled against his, feeling him ready. His hand moved down her body, finding her center. He watched her as he stroked her, building her up. She grasped his neck as she started panting beneath him. “I need you,” she commanded. He met her for another searing kiss while he continued to work her into a frenzy. She tugged on his hair, getting his attention. “Now,” she said on a pant. “I need you inside me,  _ now _ .” 

Jamie’s eyes were nearly black as he stared down at her. Claire’s hands pushed at the waistband of his pants, giving him the hint to rid himself of them. Looking back down, he gave her a faint nod before he drove home. She cried out at their joining. Her legs wrapped around his hips as her arms held him close. He met her for a long kiss, though she knew it was likely just to keep her quiet. Her tongue invaded his mouth as she grew more desperate. She was thrusting her hips back against him. His mouth moved again and he was surely leaving marks against her neck. She couldn’t even care. Her hands couldn’t stay still as they roved all over him. She felt like she was on the edge. Two, three more thrusts and she was collapsing around him. She fused her mouth to his as she found her release. Jamie cried out into her mouth as he found his own just after her. 

They laid there, still joined, holding the other tightly, chests heaving. Jamie leaned down and gave her a soft kiss. She smiled over at him, running a hand through his hair. 

Neither of them really slept much that night. Finding their way back to each other seemed to take precedence. Even after they’d separated, Claire laid with her head against Jamie’s chest, her hand moving idly against him. His own hand came down and laid against her stomach. She knew, once again, he was thinking of their child. 

“When do ye think it was?” he asked, a grin on his face. 

Claire laughed. “Well, the doctor said it was probably somewhere between the middle to end of December.” Her hand came to lay over his. “I believe they said my due date is toward the end of September.” She looked up at him and noticed the thoughtful look on his face. “What, are you trying to figure out which time it was?” 

He laughed, holding her closer. “Perhaps.” 

She shook her head with a laugh, leaning to place a kiss against his chest. With a sigh, she felt the need to state the obvious. “I missed this.” 

Jamie looked down at her. “What, sex?” 

She laughed. “No. Well, not  _ just _ that,” she teased, giving him a poke. “No, I meant this,” she continued, gesturing between them. “It’s always been so easy. Even during the war it was easy. I just feel so at peace when I’m here with you.” 

He kissed the top of her head. “Aye, I ken what ye mean.” 

They fell into a comfortable silence, still holding the other. She almost wondered if he’d fallen asleep when he spoke again. “Claire?” 

“Mhmm.” 

“Will ye marry me?” She turned to look up at him, trying to see his face. “I ken ye  _ just _ got out of one marriage and perhaps ye dinna want to rush into another, I just -” 

She interrupted him by kissing him solidly on the mouth. Claire pulled back and looked at him, her hands on either side of his face. “Of course I will.” 

His eyebrows shot up. “Ye will? Ye really want to?” 

She gave him a curious look. “Of course I want to. Have you not heard me say how many times since I arrived today that I was home?” 

He nodded, shrugging a bit. “Aye, I guess I thought maybe it was Lallybroch or -” 

She kissed him again. “It’s you. Jamie, you’re my home. And yes, I want to marry you.” 

Jamie flashed her the brightest smile as he pulled her down on top of him. He peppered her face with kisses, finally meeting her lips again. “Ye are my home as well,  _ mo nighean donn _ . Ye always will be.” 

* * *

Claire’s eyes opened slowly the next morning, rejecting the light streaming in. As she readjusted in bed, she heard someone clearing their throat next to her bed. Opening one eye, she saw Jamie at eye-level next to her. “Why are you up already?” 

“I live on a farm, I rise wi’ the lark,” he said with a shrug. 

“Did you even sleep last night?” she asked. 

He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “No’ too much, but perhaps enough.” 

Her eyes fluttered closed and he cleared his throat again. “Something I can do for you?” 

A laugh rang through the room, making her open her eyes more. She looked down to see him kneeling next to the bed. “I wanted to give ye something.” Claire sat up a bit more, trying to wake up at least a little. She nodded for him to continue. He pulled his hand out from behind his back and opened a small jewelry box. “Will ye marry me?” 

Claire chuckled. “Jamie, you asked me last night and I said yes,” she reminded him. 

“Aye, I ken I did. I just wanted to make sure ye didna forget. I ken ye were verra tired.” He pulled the ring out of the box and moved to put it on her finger. “I also wanted to make it official.” She looked down at the band with a small diamond at the center. “I ken it’s no’ much, but -” 

“It’s beautiful,” she promised him. “I love it!” 

“Twas my mam’s,” he told her, a sentimental look in his eyes. He stood up and sat down on the bed next to her. “I ken she’d want ye to have it.” 

Claire leaned in and hugged him tightly. “She would be so proud of you, of how thoughtful and kind you are. Of how strong you are. And of what a genuinely wonderful person you are, James Fraser.” 

A smile crossed his face as he shook his head. “I ken she’d love ye. That she’d be thrilled ye were joining the family.” 

“Well, personally,  _ I’m _ thrilled I’m joining the family,” Claire said, matching his smile. 

“Me, too,” he assured her, leaning his forehead against hers. 

* * *

Claire was sitting in the kitchen, listening to Jenny spout off wedding ideas when Jamie and Ian came in for lunch. Jamie leaned down and kissed the top of her head. Jenny handed Maggie off to Claire and jumped up to get lunch served. Claire was smiling down at the baby when she felt eyes on her. She glanced up to see Jamie staring at them fondly. He sat down next to her and whispered to her, “I canna wait.” Claire simply smiled in return, leaning her head against him. 

Ian jumped up midway through lunch at the sound of a knock. He wandered back in with a welcome face behind him. Mrs. Fitz’s eyes went wide as saucers as she spotted Claire sitting at the table. Claire jumped up to greet her. 

“Claire? Oh, my dear, ye’re here?” she asked, pulling Claire in for a bone-crushing hug. “When did ye return?” 

“Just yesterday.” 

Mrs. Fitz looked close to crying as a serious look covered her face. “I’m so sorry, Claire, for what happened to ye. Tis no’ fair and tis no’ right. I canna begin to apologize enough to ye.” 

Claire shook her head. “You didn’t have anything to do with it.” 

Mrs. Fitz closed her eyes. “Aye, but it was my granddaughter. I promise ye, I had no notion of what she was up to. I’d have put a stop to it right away. I wanted nothing more than for ye and Jamie to be happy.” 

Claire looked back to him for a quick second. “Well, we are now.” 

“She’s no’ here any longer,” Mrs. Fitz told Claire. “Laoghaire, I mean.” 

“Oh?” 

“Aye, I took her in years ago because she had a fraught relationship wi’ her father. But after what she’s done here, I told her I couldn’t keep her any longer. She needed to turn her life around but I wouldna be the one to help her wi’ it,” Mrs. Fitz explained. “I felt truly awful when Jenny told me what happened, all because of that foolish girl’s actions.” 

“Jenny banned her from the house,” Ian informed her. “Though that may have been to keep Jamie out of prison,” he added with a grin. 

“Aye, I would say so,” Jamie concurred with a dark expression. 

Claire gestured to the table. “Why don’t you join us for lunch?” The rest of the table agreed. 

Mrs. Fitz smiled as she agreed. She sat in between Ian and Young Jamie. Smiling at the young boy, she said, “I do love getting to see the bairns.” 

Jamie grinned at Claire, grabbing her hand. “Well, there will actually be a third bairn around here in a matter of months.” 

She looked up at him, her eyebrows raised. When she figured out what he meant, she screeched. “The two of ye?” They nodded with matching smiles on their faces. “Ye’re having a bairn?” She shook her head happily. “Oh, what a happy day.” 

Jamie picked up and kissed Claire’s hand that now bore his mother’s ring. “What a happy day, indeed.” 

After lunch, Jamie asked Claire to come outside with him. He took her hand in his as they walked along the lands. It was just like the dreams she’d had while she was away. She squeezed his hand in hers, leaning into him a bit. 

“I wanted to show ye what I’d been up to this morning,” he told her. Stopping, he gestured to a crudely outlined space with the land turned over. Her brows furrowed in confusion. Jamie stepped closer and put an arm around her waist. “Tis the garden I promised ye.” 

She looked up at him, surprise clear on her face. “I’d forgotten,” she admitted. A large smile crossed her face as she looked at all he’d done in a few hours. “Jamie, I love it.” 

“Tis only April, so I thought ye could still make some use out of it this year,” he reasoned. “And I’ll be more than happy to harvest anything ye want this autumn when ye’re too large to do so yerself.” 

Claire laughed at the mental image. She looked around for a sobering moment. “Is this the same spot you had mapped out before?” 

He tensed a bit. “Aye. Tis ideal for a garden.” She nodded, feeling a bit unsure. “Besides, gardens are about new life and things growing out of the ugly, frozen dirt, aye? It seemed poetic in a way.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “I’m fine. And ye’re fine. And we’re together.” 

“And we’re getting married,” she added. 

He smiled. “And we’re having a bairn.” He pulled back to look at her. “I’d say the flowers are blooming and we can try to move past the ugly winter. What do ye say?” 

Claire linked her hands behind his neck. “I think that’s a very whimsical metaphor, Mr. Fraser. I wouldn’t have expected such poetry from the bloodied man I met two years ago.” 

He chuckled. “Good to know I’m still full of surprises.” 

Claire leaned up and kissed him quickly. “I love my garden,” she whispered against his lips. “But not nearly as much as I love you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an epilogue left. Thanks so much for reading!


	15. Happily Ever After

It was a crisp autumn morning as Jamie and Claire walked into Lallybroch. Julia squirmed in her mother’s arms. Claire held her tighter, not wanting to let her loose just yet. “Hello!” Jamie called once they were in the door. 

“In the kitchen!” Jenny yelled. 

The two of them walked further into the house to find her. “Morning,” Claire greeted, giving Jenny a pat on the back as she walked by. 

“Good morning. Glad ye could drop by,” she said, a teasing tone to her voice. 

“As if I’m no’ here working on the farm wi’ Ian every single day,” Jamie scoffed. 

Jenny laughed. She looked between the two of them. “Where’s Ian?” 

“He’s outside,” Claire told her. 

“I ken  _ my _ Ian is outside, but where’s yer Ian?” Jenny furthered. 

“He’s also outside,” Jamie told her. “We got out of the car and he spotted the other bairns wi’ Ian and he bolted to them wi’ little more than a wave to us.” 

Jenny grinned. It brought them all joy to see their children growing up together and becoming such good friends. “I guess this one didn’t have a choice,” Jenny commented, walking over to Claire and taking the baby from her. She held her tightly, hugging the little thing as she tried to wiggle her way loose. “She’s such a sweet thing.” 

Claire smiled for a moment. “She can be. And then sometimes she chooses not to sleep and she’s decidedly  _ less _ sweet.” 

Jenny clucked her tongue. “Still having trouble sleeping?” 

“She’s eight months old, no’ eight years old,” Jamie reminded her. 

Jenny rolled her eyes. “I ken that.” She took a closer look at her brother and sister-in-law. “How exhausted are the two of ye?” 

Claire released a sad laugh. “Between the one who doesn’t sleep and the older one who bounces of the walls all day when he’s  _ not _ sleeping, I’d say we’re a bit worn out.” 

Jenny looked at Julia, nodding at Claire’s comments. “Do me a favor and tell Ian all of that, if ye will. Feel free to remind him all about how hard it is to have a bairn that doesna sleep.” 

Jamie’s brow furrowed as he looked from Claire back to his sister. “Why?” 

She rolled her eyes. “Bloody man has started dropping hints that we should have another.” 

“I figured if ye waited this long, ye werena having another,” Jamie said, a surprised look about him. “Yer youngest is three.” 

“Yes, and after I ended up bookending Claire’s first pregnancy with pregnancies of my own, I thought I made it clear enough to him that we were done.” Jenny shook her head. 

Claire sat at the table and giggled to herself. “I sometimes forget that they’re  _ that _ close. Phrasing it that way really does put it in perspective. We were pregnant at the same time twice. But I was on the same baby,” she reminded them as she laughed. 

Jenny glared at her. “I dinna need the reminder, Claire.” 

“I’m sorry. I just remember holding a screaming Ian while you told me that you thought you were pregnant again. I looked at him and you holding Maggie and wondered how the hell we would all handle another baby,” she recalled. “But we did just fine.” 

“Though that was why Claire insisted we wait a while before we had this one,” Jamie said with a grin as he took his daughter from Jenny. He gave her a kiss on her head as he held her close. 

“Well, I’m so glad ye can all learn from my mistakes.” Jenny glared at them. “Anyway, what brings ye by today?” 

Claire shrugged. “Not much, just wanted to stop by. It had been a while since all of us were here.” She stood up and walked to sink to get herself a drink. “Oh, by the way, have you seen Mrs. Fitz in the last few days?” 

Jenny nodded. “Yes, why?” 

“She came to the clinic earlier in the week because she had a nasty bug she couldn’t kick. I have been meaning to drop by and see how she’s doing, but the children have been keeping me busy once I get home. Is she feeling better?” 

The other woman shrugged. “Seems like it. She didna say anything to me.” 

Claire nodded. “Good.” 

It had been just in the last three months that Claire had started working as a nurse at the little medical clinic in the village. They’d had an opening and she thought about it, but didn’t know what she’d do with the children if she worked. Jamie had been nothing but encouraging, telling her how he knew first hand how precious her healing skills were. Jenny had agreed to watch the children on the days Claire worked. It gave her great pleasure to have a purpose outside of her family again. She loved her family with all of her, but being able to heal someone when they needed it brought her a different kind of joy. 

“Oh, Claire, some mail came for ye the other day,” Jenny mentioned. “I meant to send it home wi’ Jamie but I forgot.” She walked out to the front table and back into the kitchen, presenting Claire with an envelope. 

She was curious what mail there was for her. Without looking at the return address, Claire ripped the letter open. She stared down at the letter and the accompanying article, many different emotions coursing through her. Jamie asked her something but she couldn’t process what it was. Reading the letter multiple times, she tried to soak up the meaning, but it wasn’t quite hitting her yet. Without a word to her husband or Jenny, Claire stood up and walked out of the room. 

She walked outside, letting the cool air wash over her. It started to help clear her mind. She wandered around the house, trying to find where the children had run off to. Ian’s voice carried on the wind as he yelled some instructions for his children and nephew. They seemed to be playing some game, rather than working. The children’s laughter rang through the air, bringing a smile to her face. 

As her son ran past Maggie to try and catch up to Young Jamie, he yelled like a madman. She laughed to herself, recognizing that same wild spirit Jamie had. Sitting down on the step, she realized she’d wound around to the door behind the kitchen, where she’d just been. As she sat there, she watched her son play so gleefully with his cousins. 

A hand drifted absentmindedly to her stomach as she remembered all she went through while she was pregnant with the little boy. He’d been her constant companion, even if she didn’t know he was there while she’d been back in England. After she knew about him, he was her courage and her strength to get them both to a better life. And it was truly a better life they’d made for themselves at Lallybroch. She took a deep breath, shaking her head at her new revelations. 

Quietly, Jamie walked toward her, seemingly hesitant. He still carried Julia who was babbling away at him. Grinning at her, he looked over to Claire, trying to gauge her mood. She patted the step next to her. He sat down next to her and she quickly took Julia from his arms, giving her a big hug and holding her close. 

“Are ye alright, Sassenach?” Jamie asked. 

“I am.” 

He watched how tightly she held their daughter. “Are ye sure?” 

Claire held out the envelope she’d received and he took it from her. “Frank’s dead,” she told him before he could read it. Jamie’s eyes widened as he looked at her. “Louise sent it. He apparently died in a house fire.” 

Jamie grimaced. “That’s no’ how ye want to go.” 

Claire released a dark laugh. “Not exactly.” She rubbed a hand up and down her daughter’s back. “I’m not upset, I’m just…” she trailed off, not sure how to name what she was feeling. Tears started to well in her eyes. “It’s been just over four years since I came back here,” she restarted. “And even though I got my divorce, and even though I have this incredible life with you, there was a part of me that was always a bit afraid that he’d come back.” 

She glanced over at Jamie, allowing him to finally see the fears that she’d kept hidden for years. Her hand reached out to graze the white lines on his face, left there from Frank’s fury. His face fell as he wrapped his arm around her. “Claire,” he whispered, planting a kiss on her head. 

“I know it’s stupid, but the thought always lingered at the back of my mind,” she continued. “And so a little part of me was always scared that he’d try to take all of this away from me.” She hugged the baby, kissing her head. “God,  _ especially _ when Ian was a baby.” Tears were fully flowing down her cheeks at this point. 

“It’s no’ stupid, Claire,” Jamie assured her. “The man put ye through hell. And ye fought yer way out.” He sighed. “I just wish ye’d told me ye felt like this.” 

She knew he had some idea that Frank still haunted her. There had been plenty of nights in the last four years that she’d startled him awake with her screaming. He was the only one who could truly calm her down. Each time she tried to apologize, he reminded her that his nightmares still affected him and she was always the one to make it better for him. When Frank would pop up in her nightmares, Jamie would make sure she got back to sleep before falling back to sleep himself. 

“There were a few times I wanted to,” she admitted, leaning her head on his shoulder. “But I thought it was foolish to still be worried about it.” 

“Tis no’ foolish. I promise ye.” 

She nodded her head. “Well, now it’s all over. He really can’t get to me.” She sighed, mostly from relief. “He’s dead. And I feel ashamed for how relieved that makes me.” 

“Claire, ye need no’ feel ashamed for that. Ye canna help the way he made ye feel.” 

Claire leaned over and kissed his cheek. A silence hung between them. “I love you,” she whispered. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

He looked at Julia wiggling in her mother’s lap, wanting to be moving again. “Well ye’d have to wrangle the bairns all by yerself. And I wouldna wish that on anyone.” Claire laughed, looking down at their daughter. “But I dinna ken what I’d do wi’out ye either, Sassenach. I count my blessings every day that ye came back to me. Both times, really.” 

Claire smiled, curling into his side. They looked out at the field where the children were playing. They were content to sit there and watch the game unfold. The teams seemed to consist of Ian and Maggie on one team and Young Jamie and Kitty on the other. Adult Ian seemed to be the referee of sorts. There was no telling what the rules actually were. It seemed like innocent fun. To a point. 

Young Ian stuck his foot out, tripping Kitty. She face planted into the grass and started to cry immediately. Little did he know that both his parents were watching him. 

“Ian!” they both yelled in unison. Both Ians looked over to them, shock on their faces. 

“What?” Old Ian called. Little Ian knew why his name was being called. Claire could see the guilty look on his face. 

“Why did we ever name our child Ian?” Claire asked. Jamie laughed. “We already knew first hand how confusing two Jamies was.” 

“I believe ye insisted upon it,” Jaime recalled. 

“Damn, I think you’re right,” Claire sighed. Their little boy came walking slowly toward them after his name had been called. Ian held Kitty as the rest of the Murrays watched him approach his punishment. 

“Mam, Da, I’m sorry,” he said in a small voice. 

“Tis no’ us ye need to be apologizing to,” Jamie told him, pointing to a still crying Kitty. All it took was a look from his parents and Ian nodded, looking down at his feet. He walked back over the rest of the group and apologized to his cousin. She seemed to accept his apology and the game recommenced. 

As the children kept playing, Ian walked over to Jamie and Claire. “Ye’re better parents than I am,” he admitted. 

They both laughed, looking up at him. “Why’s that?” Claire asked. 

“Because ye scolded yer son. I just picked up Kitty and said if she was going to play wi’ the older kids, she needed to be tougher than that,” he told them through clenched teeth. 

“Ye’d tell yer wee lass that?” Jamie asked, his brow raised. 

Ian shrugged. “Maggie and Jamie play hard. And Ian clearly does as well. She needs to be able to keep up wi’ them, no?” 

“I suppose, but she’s only three,” Claire reminded him. 

“Well aye, but tis no’ like Ian and Maggie are that much older than she is. Why, Ian is only seven months her senior.” 

“Mmm, yes, we were just talking about that inside,” Claire informed him. 

Ian looked down and made faces at Julia. “How’s the sweet one doing?” 

“Dinna do it, man,” Jamie advised him, remembering his sister’s words. 

Ian looked at him curiously. “What?” 

“You don’t want another,” Claire said ominously. 

“Oh, come on. Jenny got in yer heads, did she?” 

“She didna have to. We ken it well enough on our own,” Jamie said. 

“She’s precious!” Ian exclaimed, reaching down to pick up his niece. 

“Fine, ye keep her for a night then. She’s no’ a braw sleeper.” 

Ian shook his head, looking at Julia. “Yer parents are just being mean to ye, aren’t they?” Claire looked at Jamie and shook her head with a grin. “I bet she wants to go play with the big kids.” Ian started walking off with her. 

“Uh, Ian,” Claire called. 

“Dinna fash, Claire, I willna put her down. I ken she’s still trying to start crawling,” Ian reassured her. 

“Thank you!” she yelled as they moved closer to the field. She watched as Little Ian ran over and gave his sister a kiss on the cheek before turning back to his game. Jamie chuckled, pulling Claire in closer. 

* * *

They’d spent most of the day at Lallybroch, spending time as a whole family. But both children were incredibly tired as they finally got back to their home. Thankfully, it wasn’t far away. In fact, it was technically on Lallybroch lands. At the very edge of the boundary line, Jamie had built them a cottage, big enough for a growing family. Claire had been seven months pregnant when he floated the idea past her. 

_ “What would ye think of that?” he asked her after his pitch.  _

_ They were laying in bed, cuddled together after a long day. Claire rubbed a hand along her large belly. “I think it sounds good. But would you be able to do it yourself? Like you said?”  _

_ Jamie flashed her a disappointed look. “Of course I can, Claire. Ye doubt me?”  _

_ She grinned at him. “Never. I just like having my husband around.” She laid a hand on his cheek. “I wish I could be more helpful, but…” she looked down at her belly and laughed.  _

_ He leaned over and kissed her stomach. “Ye’re doing the most work already.” She shook her head at him, a large smile on her face. “I talked wi’ Ian and he thinks he knows the best spot for it. We’d still be at Lallybroch, but we’d have our own space.”  _

_ Claire looked around the room before glancing back at Jamie. “You know this house is quite large, right? I think there’s plenty of space here.”  _

_ “Of course there’s space here,” Jamie agreed, “but I’d like us to have a home of our own. We will always come back here and if we’re on the land, we can do so verra easily. But I think it would be nice to have a home that is just for us and our bairns.”  _

_ “Bairns, plural?” Claire asked, her brows raised. “I haven’t even had this one yet and you’re already talking about a second?”  _

_ Jamie laughed, grinning at her. “I’ve got big plans for our future, Claire. If ye’ll want them too.”  _

_ She leaned forward, her hand resting at his cheek. “Your plans have proven pretty wonderful so far, Fraser. I think I’ll be willing to hear what else you’re thinking.” She kissed him softly, leaning her forehead against his as they parted. “And I like the idea of the house.”  _

_ Jamie whooped, kissing her again quickly. “Great, I’ve already drawn up some plans.”  _

Claire tucked Ian in tightly, making sure he was warm enough. She placed a kiss at his forehead, ruffling his red hair back. “I hope you know how much I love you,” she whispered to her already asleep child. 

“He does,” Jamie said quietly. Claire glanced over to see him leaning against the doorway with a sleeping Julia in his arms. “Believe me, he does.” 

Claire smiled, standing up from the floor. “Good,” she replied. Placing a kiss against Julia’s head, she looked up to Jamie. “We need to get this one in her bed as well.” Jamie nodded and they walked from their son’s room. Claire couldn’t help but pause as she shut the door, taking one last look at her first little miracle. 

After Julia was down in her crib, Claire and Jamie were finally able to go to bed as well. The last lamp had been turned off and Claire snuggled in close to her husband. She reached a hand up and ran her fingers through her hair. “I hope you know too,” she said. 

Jamie’s arms came around her as a confused look crossed his face. “Know what?” 

“How much I love you,” she said, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. 

“I believe I do,” Jamie told her before he got a mischievous look on his face. “But I wouldna be opposed to ye showing me.” 

Claire grinned, rolling over til she was on top of him. She grabbed his face in her hands as she bent down to kiss him. His hands came to rest at her waist, holding her there. Claire pulled back, a serious look crossing her face. “Do you ever have those days where you think about where your life was and you’re just immensely happy with where it ended up?” 

Jamie smiled up at his wife, brushing her curls back. “Every damn day, Sassenach. Every day I get to be wi’ ye.” 

Claire nodded, matching his smile. “I was more or less thinking the same thing.” She leaned down and kissed him again. “I’m glad it’s always been this way.” 

He shook his head. “What do ye mean?” 

“From the beginning when we met, and still now,” she explained, peppering kisses along his face. “It’s you and me. Against the world.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so much for all the comments, kudos, and general encouragement for this story! It was one I truly loved writing, even when the story was in a tough spot. I couldn't have kept going without such a great reaction.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think! I'm three-drink-amy on tumblr if you want to come chat with me!


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